To think that people shouldn’t always just quit their jobs if unhappy?

[Dyrne]

I keep seeing threads about people unhappy with their jobs, or that their DH’s are unhappy.

Without fail posters will fall over themselves to advise the OP to quit immediately, or to harangue the OP for not allowing their DHs to quit, usually saying something along the lines of how mental health needs to come first.

Is it just me who couldn’t just up and quit their job? I’ve been in some seriously shitty jobs, crying at work, in a spiral; but as important as my mental health is, I also know that struggling to pay bills would also have a serious impact on my mental health!

Every time I’ve been unhappy, I’ve carried on until I made a plan to move on, got a new job, then handed in my notice.

There just never seems to be an appreciation that these things need discussion and planning - even if it’s a SAHM with a high earning DH that wants to quit to start a lentil-weaving business; surely it requires some discussion about maintaining lifestyle (or what they need to stop doing), paying bills, changing house, possibly allowing enough time for the SAHM to retrain to get back on the career ladder etc. You can’t just go from a high earning lifestyle to a low earning one without a lot of discussion and planning.

I think people are misunderstanding my OP - I’m not saying people always have to stay in a job they hate - just that they need a plan and if they share their life with someone then they need to make sure they’ve discussed it with them to make sure the plan can work. That may involve investigating part time, finding a different job, discussing saving £X then quitting/retraining whatever if something hasn’t changed by X date.

If you can afford to backflip out of the door giving everyone the middle finger, (confident you have the savings/job mobility to do so) then crack on, but a lot of people can’t.

Even to use the example of a PP of an “uncaring spouse wanting to maintain a lifestyle” - it still needs discussion, surely? You need to work out how you cut costs (often if you live that lifestyle you have a high mortgage, big cars etc. Of course you can change these things but not immediately). Then what do you do about childcare? Taking on more of the mental load at home? Finding something the SAHM can do to reduce the stress on the high earner (which may take some time if they’ve been out of work for a while)

I’m fascinated that so many people on this site can apparently afford to go down to 1 salary at zero notice. Like, yes, mental health is important, but how do you just accept you may not be able to afford the mortgage/bills etc?

And of course not everyone does this, probably not even many people, but it crops up enough on MN that I thought it odd.

I agree OP. At the end of the day if you have bills to pay then you need to work until you can figure out how you can afford to live on a lower income.

My DH was actually physically from having such a stressful job, it was awful but there was no way we could just give up half our household income just like that. Being furloughed was the best thing that could have happened to him, he got another part time job to top up our income then was eventually made redundant. He has got another job with a fairly big pay cut but we have had the last 6 months to prepare for this so its worked out OK. We couldn't have managed if he'd just quit!

It depends what the consequences are of quitting

It is better to cancel all kids' activities, quit private school, do without holidays abroad, days out, downsize home or rent etc than have a breakdown

However, if quitting or quitting before downsizing means being out on the street, then that is likely to just add to the stress and become a catastrophe that can make the entire family break down

Some people can live on one salary. Lifestyles vary from person to person. Not saying it would be luxurious, but we could survive on one salary if needs be and have done.

I once had a jobe working with adults with learning disabilities. I want told they needed personal care and they had lots of challenging behaviour. I was attacked at work, not hurt but shaken up. I felt physically sick going to work I was desperate. But I had to stay in my job as I needed the money. It's often quite a privileged position to be able to leave a job. This was not long after I'd left uni (masters) the job was something to get me into the charity sector too but ended up having quite a negative impact on my mental health.

I think a plan is needed. But I think people often soldier on pitting work forst for fad too long then don't have the capacity to deal with it, raise it and so on because they are in the hole.

Too often people have workplace stress and ignore it. Even taking sick leave to clear their heads and draft a c.f. should be considered. Bit unfortunately that's how stress manifests.

I had an interesting chat with my partner only a few days ago that companies are keen to push mental health and promote how they support it. But how many have increased their sick leave. None that I know of.

DH hated his job and just handed in his notice one day, without discussing it with me. Considering I had just found out I was pregnant, I was not impressed. We'd not long moved to the area, and where we lived before he'd never had a problem getting a job as he had a lot of friends in the industry and had built a great reputation. Moving 200 miles meant starting from scratch, and so after quitting that job it took him 6 months to find another, and all the jobs around here are much lower paid than down south.

He's moved jobs a fair bit since, but learnt his lesson- he's made sure he has something lined up before handing in his notice.

So YANBU, it really isn't as easy as just quitting if you hate your job.