To think that people shouldn’t always just quit their jobs if unhappy?

[Dyrne]

I keep seeing threads about people unhappy with their jobs, or that their DH’s are unhappy.

Without fail posters will fall over themselves to advise the OP to quit immediately, or to harangue the OP for not allowing their DHs to quit, usually saying something along the lines of how mental health needs to come first.

Is it just me who couldn’t just up and quit their job? I’ve been in some seriously shitty jobs, crying at work, in a spiral; but as important as my mental health is, I also know that struggling to pay bills would also have a serious impact on my mental health!

Every time I’ve been unhappy, I’ve carried on until I made a plan to move on, got a new job, then handed in my notice.

There just never seems to be an appreciation that these things need discussion and planning - even if it’s a SAHM with a high earning DH that wants to quit to start a lentil-weaving business; surely it requires some discussion about maintaining lifestyle (or what they need to stop doing), paying bills, changing house, possibly allowing enough time for the SAHM to retrain to get back on the career ladder etc. You can’t just go from a high earning lifestyle to a low earning one without a lot of discussion and planning.

I’m with you op. If you are unhappy, then look to ways to improve your situation. Whether that is retraining pt, looking for a different job or trying to improve your current job. I don’t see how unemployment and financial issues are going to make anything better tbh.

It would depend on your financial situation really. If you can afford to just quit then go for it.
I hated my job. Made me depressed and miserable. I desperately wanted to leave and do something different but I couldn't afford to quit and because of the hours I was working found it hard to be able to seek out other work/do some training. I was essentially trapped in a miserable cycle.
If I had been in a financial situation where I could have literally downed tools and walked out then I would have done that without a backwards glance.

I agree with you. On some of those threads I’ve seen over the years here I’ve noticed posters can be very quick to project their own experiences which of course are their lived experience but are not in any way what’s being described by the OP. It’s so often assumed that the person must be on the verge of a mental breakdown or suicide when often all we actually know is that the person has said they’re fed up or stressed or struggling to get used to some changes in the workplace.

Obviously nobody would want a partner to keep doing a job that was destroying their mental health but discussing how things can improve and making plans are necessary. Most people aren’t in a position to just walk out of a job and the potential financial impact of doing that isn’t generally good for anyone’s mental health either.

she’s saying come up with an exit plan so you don’t end up in financial dire straits, which is incredibly stressful
Why assume that people have not ready gone through every single exit plans but got nowhere?

If you are a certain age, built experience in one particular niche field, live somewhere that restricts job availibity, you might found that your exit plans are extremely narrow and sometimes you just can'tt see a way out any longer.

Clearly this is a lot more than just being unhappy about one's job.

I hate my job. It's literally making me ill at the moment. Since the beginning of the year I've been covering another role in addition to my own, over lockdown I covered two roles in addition to my own and practically had to leave my kids to it. And now I'm pretty much at the end of my tether.

But I won't quit. Firstly, I hate not earning and relying on my husband. Even though he's telling me to leave. And secondly, there would literally be nobody to pay the staff!! My MD has been in twice since before lockdown, and he doesn't actually know how to do the day to day runnings of his own company.

So a mixture of bloody mindedness and guilt!!

Yeah, don't moan about it, make it better or change it. But not recklessly.

If you’re working full time, then your job is a huge part of your life. There’s no way I’d expect someone to do a job that makes then unwell. Life’s too short.

A lot of those threads state that you they can survive financially without you he problem job.
It’s up to the individual concerned, their circumstances and the field in which they work. Advice is proffered but doesn’t have to be followed.
I’ve quit with a job to go and without a job to go to. For me not having a job allowed me to regroup and look for a job. Going from a ‘bad’ job straight to another, didn’t give any time to breathe. However, I did have financial security both times to allow for a job gap.

@blue25

Well said.

I agree with you OP, I think some of the advise given in those circumstances is irrational, and also will impact on an already vulnerable mental health.

Only quit if you have a Plan B. I'd wanted to leave my last job for ages but didn't actually do it until I was at the point where I could support myself doing freelance translation work.

I think some people are overly optimistic about how wonderful all the other jobs out there are. Most jobs these days are stressful, especially if well paid. Learning to manage stress is more useful than walking away from it in to the stress of debt. It is much easier to get another job if you are currently employed

I reasonably recently quit my job to move countries. Applying for jobs while unemployed was one of the most stressful things I’ve ever done, that’s the only time I’ve done it and never again! I’d never quit my job while on maternity leave the way many do, so much easier to return and job hunt from that position (to be fair I do like working)

I agree with you OP. And I have been in the exact situation with a job. Unfortunately, finances where a priority over my feelings / mental health.
I stuck with it until I found something better. It lasted a whole 4 months, from around 8 weeks of wait and see to a further 8 weeks of looking / finding something more suitable ... and that only took so long because I was very picky about the next job. (Been nearly 3 years there now and absolutely love it!)
I think people who quite jobs because they have it without having something else lined up, are at best foolish and at worst weak with no resilience or thought of the wider impact = selfish.

YANBU, however I've met plenty of people who are content to moan and never actually do anything about making a change. So sometimes people need jeopardy to kick them into action.

My best friend is like this. If it weren't for redundancy they'd never have applied for the industry they always dreamed of working in, and ended up getting the job.

Stupid Auto Correct last paragraph should read:

I think people who quit jobs because they hate it - without having something else lined up - are at best foolish and at worst weak with no resilience or thought of the wider impact = selfish.

This is a really difficult call. I had a boss who bullied me relentlessly, undermined me at every turn and that got worse, not better when I complained to more senior management. One actually said to me "you have to remember no one likes a trouble maker..." Eventually I left and am now happy, but I could not have afforded to have just quit, so I didn't. I regret leaving in some ways, I think I let a bully win. But this is often the case, and you have to think about what is best for you.

I think it depends on the situation. If it would leave you broke and brassic then absolutely not.

I personally wouldn't quit my job in this current economic crisis. I was a college graduate of the 2008 recession - being jobless after college has stayed with me (thankfully not literally - but it was painful!)

I once left a job without having a new one lined up. Best thing I ever did. But I did have my parents and DP financial support.

I couldn't do it now - we are in the process of buying our "forever home" (yeah, I hate this saying too, not sure how to phrase it differently), I have a decent living standard, we have and I'd make sure I have something else lined up.

I don't think any job is worth your mental health, so if you have no other option it's best to leave.

There are times when just quitting is the right thing to do. No point having a breakdown, and it releases (or can release) a lot of positive energy to put into finding a new job. So I think it depends on the circumstances.

I hated a job after a matter of weeks. I stayed eight months which is when I was offered a new job and I worked the four week notice

It depends on your financial situation thought. If the family can survive on one salary and one partner hates their job then I can see why they would leave. No job is worth making yourself ill over

YANBU. I walked out of a couple of jobs when I was single and childfree, but I worked in an industry where it was easy to find more work and I had money in reserve.

There a difference between quitting work completely and changing to a different job.

If someone is so unhappy at work that it’s causing them stress and anxiety, then of course they should look for something different. People definitely shouldn’t be expected to stay in jobs that are damaging to them so that a spouse who clearly doesn’t care much about about them can continue to have a nice lifestyle at their expense.

People definitely shouldn’t be expected to stay in jobs that are damaging to them so that a spouse who clearly doesn’t care much about about them can continue to have a nice lifestyle at their expense

Ouch Ouch Ouch

I had jobs I couldn’t wait to leave but I did find something else first.

I have been a sahm though so have had pretty big gaps now. But pre-dc no gaps. But also mindful of a CV that looked bad with loads of changes, so I stuck it out.