To ask you to snap me out of this cycle of envy?

[Napqueen1234]

Our best friends have recently bought our dream house. It’s more than we could ever EVER afford, the nicest part of our area and absolutely beautiful. They also just got a new car, are renovating the home beautifully and are about to have a baby. I suppose when it comes down to it they just are so wealthy and have so much in savings compared to us.

We have two small kids in a two up two down terrace (that we are very lucky to own). Lockdown was unbelievably hard, we could love to move but due to childcare costs we just cannot get a higher mortgage. Normally I am so so happy for friends doing well (obviously) and try hard not to compare as to many we must be doing great. But something about this beautiful house has just done me in and I can’t stop thinking about it and just feel SO envious.

Any tips on how to deal with it? Mindfulness techniques, just stop being a jealous dickhead?! It’s eating me up!

I think your set up sounds enviable OP. I was nearly 40 when I had my second and went back to work after a long break at 43. If you have two DC and a home and good DH at 31 you are truly blessed.

We wanted 3/4 children and were eventually blessed with 2. There was a point between 1 and 2 when dh and I had a screaming row where I said I'd live in a tent if it meant I could have another baby. And we had probably everything you would like and nothing you have.

I think you have achieved an incredible amount by 31 and you have so much time ahead of you.

FWIW our best friends are in oligarch money territory. I am one of the few people who know they have been in separate beds for nearly 20 years. But except for that, yes she has absolutely everything and almost everyone else sees the very glossy outside.

I think trying to persuade yourself that people who look like they have it all are probably struggling one way or another isn’t the best plan. I’m sure there actually some really happy perfect families around 😂. I think it’s better to just accept you feel a bit jealous and that while it’s an understandable feeling it’s pointless and you should just try and get the thought out of your head.

Surely trying to rationalise feelings of jealousy would only work if feelings of jealously were rational. And they aren’t.

Find some friends who are poorer than you.

I always say to myself: everyone is on their own journey.

@Napqueen1234

Our best friends have recently bought our dream house. It’s more than we could ever EVER afford, the nicest part of our area and absolutely beautiful. They also just got a new car, are renovating the home beautifully and are about to have a baby. I suppose when it comes down to it they just are so wealthy and have so much in savings compared to us.

We have two small kids in a two up two down terrace (that we are very lucky to own). Lockdown was unbelievably hard, we could love to move but due to childcare costs we just cannot get a higher mortgage. Normally I am so so happy for friends doing well (obviously) and try hard not to compare as to many we must be doing great. But something about this beautiful house has just done me in and I can’t stop thinking about it and just feel SO envious.

Any tips on how to deal with it? Mindfulness techniques, just stop being a jealous dickhead?! It’s eating me up!

How you deal with this depends on your finances really. If you can move to a higher paid job / industry then view it as motivation. If there’s no hope of you ever getting that type of house you may need to practice gratitude - it’s a technique that makes us more mindful / happier by forcing us to acknowledge the things in our lives we are happy for.