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AIBU?

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Original poster

10 yr old son has a girlfriend

34 replies

thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 31/08/2020 20:53

So ds who has only just turned 10 has recently got a gf, a girl he knows from his class. I know it’s all very innocent at this age and they are both very sweet kids but ds has almost become obsessed with her. They see each other once a week round either my house or hers. He is constantly wanting to message her from my phone. Every other message is “I love you so much” “I miss you” . I just don’t think I’m ready for all of this? Is this normal behaviour for a 10 year old? I’m not quite sure how to deal with it. Advice please as this is all new to me. (Up until a few months ago as far as I knew he didn’t like girls and used to say they “all smell” 😂)

OP posts:
Sunflowerlover20 · 31/08/2020 20:55

The texts sound a bit too much at such a young age. What does the girl reply when he says that?

ChickenFriedFudge · 31/08/2020 20:56

I'd say that's pretty intense for that age, yes.
I take it she is the same age?
Are you sure it's not just a deep friendship and he calls her his girlfriend as doesn't really know what to call her?

BuffaloCauliflower · 31/08/2020 20:58

I had ‘boyfriends’ at 10 but it definitely wasn’t as intense as that. How is the girl responding?

SummerPoppies · 31/08/2020 20:58

I remember my eldest son had a girlfriend at around the same age.
It was funny and sweet.
The strange thing is that he can't even remember her name now, yet I can. ( He's married with his own kids now )
It will fizzle out before long, don't worry.

Lougle · 31/08/2020 20:59

I would just roll with it. It's a phase. DD3 had a 'boyfriend' who wrote her a love poem. When I looked at it, it was song lyrics Grin. After some days, she said "I've told X that I've decided I'm too young for a boyfriend and probably won't have one until secondary school. To be honest, Mummy, I think his behaviour has got worse since he liked me because he's showing off for me." All finished in less than two weeks.

JurjClooners · 31/08/2020 21:02

Maybe it’s just me and I’m too strict but I don’t think I’d let him use my phone if he’s going to text things like that.

Original poster
thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 31/08/2020 21:03

Yes she’s the same age. He calls her his gf. She feels the same way and replies “I love you to infinity and beyond”. She is an only child. I am going through marriage issues and whilst keeping things very civil in front of kids and we’re both such loving parents, I wonder if he’s picking up on loveless marriage and is feeling insecure hence looking for love outside the house. It’s all very odd. She sent a message the other day saying “once lockdown is over and public places start opening such as ice skating, we can go in proper dates as we are in a relationship now”. I just don’t think I like this. Am I being a bit dramatic?

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KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 31/08/2020 21:03

I was going to marry my ten year old boyfriend and we were definitely going to have a yellow car, we only saw each other at school, activities or on supervised play dates though. Honestly I think this is one of the issues with children having phones, where is he mimicking this intensity from? Someone he knows? TV? I love you, I miss you etc all seems a bit needy.

Tiltheend · 31/08/2020 21:07

BFs and GFs do young make me cringe. May be innocent but they are “pretending” to have a grown up relationship doing things they think they should be doing. I think I share your feelings, you’re not being dramatic it’s just so hard to know how far you should let these things go.

ScrapThatThen · 31/08/2020 21:08

I think some reassurance. 'it's nice that you have a friend who is a girl, but make sure you still talk to your mates and other people too. You're a fun interesting person but you need to keep being you and enjoying all the things you enjoy to be interesting to other girls and boys.' Personally I told my dc that most people don't bother dating until year 11 so they didn't feel that pressure to.have a boyfriend or girlfriend in earlier years. There was a brief issue at our school with boys asking girls for photos in a crop top at this age when my dc were that age.

Original poster
thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 31/08/2020 21:08

Same here, play dates are supervised and I know for sure they haven’t kissed or anything like that. But I just don’t like these needy messages. The girl’s mum is a decent person but she keeps saying how sweet it is to see them so loved up. I’m just not comfortable with this and I feel like it’s all got a bit out of control.

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Original poster
thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 31/08/2020 21:14

I’m wondering if I should have a word with her mum especially as they are starting back at school on Friday?

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Besom · 31/08/2020 21:18

It is a bit odd but on the other hand I don't think it's in any way abnormal. Dd and her friends all started 'shipping' around this age and from what she described to me, some of the 'relationships' sounded a bit like this. Dd herself part of a 'couple' that were known by an amalgamation of their names. Like Brangelina. She's in high school now and gone right off him. I wouldn't worry about it.

WhoUsedMyName · 31/08/2020 21:20

Don't blow it out of proportion it is what it is they "love" each other this week in a few weeks they will dump each other and won't be talking anymore 🤣my ds 10 messages his gf all the time on what's app they send continuous heart emojis and when you look at the year 5 group chat it's full of cringey convos. My eldest now 13 wouldn't dream of messaging a girl like that now they do grow up believe it or not

Lougle · 31/08/2020 21:26

Honestly, it isn't a worry at this age, IMO. My DD who had the 'boyfriend' (it extended to shy waves across the playground at its headiest!) now really isn't at all interested in boys - she's going in to year 7 and the very mention of 'romance stuff' is hideous to her.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 31/08/2020 21:36

They're little kids just keep an eye on them but let them be!
My 6 year old has a gf and she is crazy about him, he's quite blasé but oh my word she is adamant she's marrying him. They're kids, I think it's cute.

Original poster
thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 31/08/2020 21:42

EdwardCullen - I don’t have a problem with them seeing each other. It’s the messaging that I feel has got a little out of control and a bit full on

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beelola · 31/08/2020 21:45

Limit phone access?

vanillandhoney · 31/08/2020 21:46

I don't see a problem either.

I had a "boyfriend" at this age. It was nothing more than he was my best friend and we held hands! We had play dates at each others houses too - we even got pretend married on a school trip 😂

It fizzled out but we dated on and off throughout our teens and we're still friends twenty years later!

liverbird10 · 31/08/2020 21:47

Most likely childhood nonsense. My boyfriend and I declared true love for one another and were "married" in the playground at 10. A month later I moved away and that was the end of our beautiful romance. Grin

Skingaling · 31/08/2020 21:52

Yeah, I would speak to the other mum. Although it sounds like she may be encouraging it a bit.

It all sounds a bit too much to me.

EdwardCullensBiteOnTheSide · 31/08/2020 21:54

What saying I love you etc? And talk of being in a relationship? They are just playing at being grown up, they don't mean any of it. Lockdown has sent us all a bit mad, once they've been back at school a while he'll soon be fed up of girls again.

lyralalala · 31/08/2020 21:55

Once they are back at school it'll likely settle down a bit.

I'm finding all of my kids (4yo-19yo) and their friends are all a bit dramatic text and FaceTime wise atm. Since the teens have had a bit more freedom it's settled down and I'm expecting the same from the younger ones.

I'd give it a couple of weeks once they're back at school and mixing with their friends again and see how it goes. It will likely fizzle out.

Original poster
thebeachismyhappyplace2 · 31/08/2020 21:55

I agree it’s all very sweet and innocent. But I was just a bit surprised at this age that the messages could be so intense. He doesn’t seem his usual fun self and you can tell he is always waiting for his next message from her. I feel really harsh if I suddenly say they can’t message anymore but I need to start limiting access for sure.

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Lougle · 31/08/2020 21:55

If one of them was older than the other, there might be an issue. But two young kids the same age....they're just experimenting with the idea of a relationship.