Sacked for domestic abuse!

[Lindtballsrock]

So I have been shocked to find out that one of my friends has lost her job, because she is a victim of domestic abuse. Her partner is an awful human being, who goes through this cycle of being extremely physically abusive, and then convincing her not to leave him by being all apologetic and full of promises that it won't happen again. She has alluded also to him having made threats that if she leaves he will 'find her' and I think she is really scared of him.

She ended up telling her employer about the abusive relationship because she needed to request a specific day off (finally she has made contact with a domestic abuse charity and they can see her that day). Her employer said that he's really sorry but he doesn't want someone who 'gets involved in this kind of situation' working for his company, and he thinks that she will not be a reliable employee so he has given her notice to that she is being sacked in a month!

She's worked there for 7 months and had passed her probation no problems last month, but apparently she has no legal right to challenge the employer because employers are allowed to discriminate against you for reasons to do with domestic abuse.

AIBU to think this is crazy and that it shouldn't be allowed?

There are some things employers cannot discriminate against - like pregnancy, disability, race etc. I think domestic abuse should be included in that list. Since getting involved in my friends situation I have seen there is a petition to get this law changed, link below if anyone is interested. Apparently the government are consulting at the moment on how domestic abuse victims can be better supported at work so it seems like they do recognise there is a problem. I just hope something changes because this is awful.

www.change.org/Protect_domestic_abuse_survivors

I think she’s learned a valuable lesson about disclosing personal information at work, particularly in the current climate where jobs are hard to come by. I’ve been working for over 30 years and it’s just not something I would discuss with my boss. She didn't need to say why she needed a day off, other than an “appointment” Without knowing the workplace, is it possible he thought the partner would turn up at her work and cause a scene in say, a nursery or a shop? I’m not excusing his behaviour but he maybe there’s a reason he acted like a dick.

No, do not name or shame company. It’s a really stupid suggestion
The short lived interest of mn posters in the company identify is incomparable to the hassle it’ll cause the employee

What a fucking arsehole.

I clearly see this different to the majority so maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t really see how this is sex discrimination. Nowhere has it been said what effect the abuse has had on her ability to do her job, and surely it’s reasonable to assume that someone who is regularly physically assaulted isn’t going to be performing as well as they could be at work. If there is genuine reason to worry that this abusive man could carry out threats and ‘find’ the woman, then it’s reasonable for an employer to want to protect their business and their other employees from someone that’s violent and likely to cause a problem.

I’d expect an employee with a long and reliable history with one employer to be given the benefit of the doubt and the support they need, but I honestly don’t see why an employer should be obliged to do that for someone they’ve employed for a mere seven months, when there could realistically be an impact on the business.

I disagree that being a victim of domestic abuse should be considered the same as being of a certain race or being disabled, those things are lifelong and people can’t make a choice to change them. Maybe it’s more like pregnancy, but even then employers have a defined amount of time that they will have to deal with it for, and they can request that an employee not be at work if their condition affects their job as long as they still pay them.

Everyone saying name and shame would presumably pay part of legal fees when she would be sued by the employer, wouldn't ya...

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Everyone saying name and shame would presumably pay part of legal fees when she would be sued by the employer, wouldn't ya...

What would she be sued for? You can't be sued if what you said was truthful.

I'm afraid I can kind of, see the employer's pov. Some women do seem to repeatedly get "mixed up" with men who bring drama into their lives and those of the people around them. Maybe this os what he's thinking? I think the employer probably knows more about the circumstances surrounding this than we do, although, on the face of it, it's an appalling way to behave.

What would she be sued for? You can't be sued if what you said was truthful.

You can be sued for it. It's up to you then to defend it as truth, which you have to show as burden of proof sits with you, in court and hope you win. Well, she, not you.

What would she be sued for?You can't be sued if what you said was truthful
She’d have to prove “truthful” and a thing is not true because one subjectively believes it
You all going to crowd fund her fees to prove she’s being truthful?Because inevitably it’ll cause problems

Friend is on a hiding to nothing, even if situation is as she described to OP and as relayed here. That things aren’t right or fair doesn’t necessarily translate to a legal claim

You know, I'm going to admit I thought 'raising awareness' was now just virtue signalling. People have had enough education by now, I thought. What with all the campaigns and TV show portrayals including Coronation Street's current storyline. I was wrong. Some of the recent victim blaming posts ('some women love drama', etc) show clearly why raising awareness is still very much needed. The ignorance is shocking.

@Hangingbasketofdoom

Shamoo was wrong about gender being a protected characteristic (and it does matter) but absolutely right about everything else. You can make a claim of discrimination if the "thing" that happened to you overwhelming affects people with a protected characteristic more than others. But it is not guaranteed to succeed and I wouldn't try it without a union tbh. Well, I might put in a formal complaint as it might shake the employer up a bit and make him reconsider.

No gender is not a protected characteristic. It is SEX

I hope your friend can sort something out op whether it is compensation or a decent job. Her manager is a wanker.

I hope she’s still going to her appointment. Wish her luck 😊

I decided to swerve past the “mixed up” with men and drama comment
I can just imagine the twitching fingers gesturing “mixed up” as if it’s code or terribly edgy
It’s so judgemental, the blame heaped on women,victim blaming

@Lindtballsrock

She’s asked me not to name the, so I won’t. It’s not a well known company anyway. Hopefully she will get another job but not easy at the moment, and if she does she will definitely think twice now about telling them what’s going on for her 😟

I really just hope she still meets with women’s aid on the day she planned and still gets away from the abuse rather than potentially staying in it now she has no money.

The employer is a morally bankrupt d!ck

However, it also shouldn't be a protected characteristic @SchrodingersImmigrant why not?

Has the husband contacted her employer? My Exh was violent and he contacted my boss in hopes he could have me fired - wondered if it was a similar thing

Certainly she should seek some advice from someone who knows about employee rights

I’m assuming you’ve told your friend to get in touch with womens aid about finally leaving this man ??

I wonder whether the employer is himself an abuser? It would explain his bad behaviour. Perhaps he isn't but it's certainly possible.

Yes she has an appointment to meet someone from the charity (not sure if it’s women’s aid or a different one) to go through her options with her. As Louisetrees said I just hope the job loss doesn’t make it harder for her to leave.

It's easier said than done but perhaps she could see the job loss as an opportunity to leave. It cuts her ties to the area. She can move away from her abuser to be safer and for a fresh start. Also, if she needs refuge she'd probably have to leave her job anyway as she can't stay in the same area. Even if she doesn't go to a refuge, it's better to be in a new job somewhere her abuser can't find her.

@RabbityMcRabbit

However, it also shouldn't be a protected characteristic *@SchrodingersImmigrant* why not?

It would be near impossible to police. To start with. How would you prove it? Actually prove it?You have to prove your sex/age/disability. Would only current abuse count? So the moment you leave it stops? Would it be for ever? Would all abuse count? So abuse from parents or children? Would only lasting abuse count? Or would one incident after which you leave do too? If it would count shouldn't a victim of attack be a protected characteristic even if it was a stranger? It's a single attack. Why not put economical disadvantage as a protected characteristics? That's actually often bigger problem than most of the other characteristics.

There should be some help, probably a protection though I can't see how, but it shouldn't be a protected characteristic.

Not unlawful, but outrageous. I would be telling everyone I could think of, what an arsehole. So sorry for your friend.

It's highly likely to be indirect discrimination on the grounds of gender and I would be speaking to a solicitor but of course the issue with this is... she is already in an abusive relationship and pursuing this when still with her other half is not going to happen and this will strengthen her feelings of being useless and play into the abusers hands, unless she gets out of the relationship soon.

Focus focus focus.

All this talk of pursuing legal action and court cases in incredibly flimsy legal grounds against an employer who will be able to afford much better legal representation?

Well, among other things, it’s a distraction from the main event, which is escaping from an abusive relationship.

I think she needs to keep her focus on getting away from the abusive man, not getting side tracked into battles against other ‘enemies’.

Not unless it’s going to help her with her escape plan.

It can be tempting to go after other ‘easier’ battles in your life, than the big bad scary one that you’re trying to avoid. Especially if your man shows some signs of supporting you in this endeveour... Oh it really can be so tempting to be fighting against Someone who is behaving in an abusive / unfair etc way. But it’s a diversion.

What might really help her is getting counselling that is more specialised than the general ‘listening and echoing back’ type of service.

A counsellor who helps her create an action plan and then by talking to her each session, helps her swim through the mire of confusion, difficulties and mess to keep steadily making little steps towards getting out.

I speak from personal experience.

I would be tempted to inform him that 'did he know there was a campaign to make domestic violence victims a protected category in law and that the campaign group are interested in using her story in the media? I hope you don't mind the business and your name being used? Just watch the colour drain from his face

It depends on what she can prove though. If it was said to her, face to face, no witnesses, she will never be able to prove it.

He will just say Covid, blah blah never said that and she will waste her money on solicitors.