to be sick and tired of being talked at?

[meadowmom]

Does anyone else have a DH who watches the news and just talks at you about politics and “their opinion” about things like Syria all the time. I’m just getting ground down by it. I don’t agree with his opinion which to my mind is worthy and noble (everybody should be allowed to come. Our arms should be open and welcoming. End of) I agree in a perfect Star Trek world that should be the way it is but my opinion is that’s not achievable. I can understand why people don’t want an over burdened social system taking more weight especially now during a pandemic and huge job losses etc and it makes no sense to me to keep being talked at about “how it should be” rant rant rant while what? I just sit like a nodding dog? My view is “be sensible” if you want to achieve change then you have to understand why and how people think and work with that as a starting point. Today I told him that “it’s never going to happen. Even neighbours fight over things like hedges so you can’t expect that human nature is just going to welcome anyone and everyone with open and welcoming arms even though in an ideal world that’s the way it should be” he then huffed out of the room. This isn’t a one off conversation. I’m getting “talked at” all the time about whatever the politics/news is. I just want to sit in peace and quiet and be left alone or have a chat about the weather! Why does my brain space have to continually be burdened or at the very least my come back opinion should be listened to with similar attention. Any advice on handling this please? Thank you

Kick him in the face?

My exH was an opinionated, overbearing bastard.

I divorced him.

A proverbial kick up the arse might work.

Interesting tactics :)

YANBU - if he wants a discussion, he should be prepared to listen to another point of view.

Me and DH also discuss the news a lot and have strong opinions, but fortunately we agree or nearly agree on just about everything, so it doesn't lead to an argument. When we do disagree we are still capable of having a discussion.

Would your DH behave in the same way if a friend or work colleague held a different view?

Tell him you have a splitting headache whenever he starts.

i tell mine to shut up and bore off when he starts doing this. (he also likes to relay his facebook to me too, whilst I'm on it myself) works fine most of the time!

Is he so caring and altruistic with laundry and bathroom cleaning?

When he starts just tell him "I don't what to hear your opinion, you're not interested in mine, every time I try and have a discussion with you about this you get up and walk out, so shut the fuck up you boring bastard".

@ShitStain same!! It’s bloody exhausting!

@meadowmom tell him to fuck off!! Or better yet before you tell him that make sure to tell him he’s boring you out of wanting sex with him!!

Not everyone is interested in politics to want to talk about it other than occasionally or at election time. YANBU to want silence or a different conversation subject.

He doesn’t want a discussion. He wants you to fawn over his startling intellectual insights and intelligence because he is the big clever man and you are the poor little daft woman.

He’s being a sexist pig.

Couldn't live with that....absolutely torture.

This is genuinely why I’m single. Dates these days just seem to be men not asking any questions but endless monologues from them about their shitty opinions about everything and unasked for advice.

I blame Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro etc.

It is torture and it’s definitely getting worse the older he gets. It’s like grandstanding? Or posturing or something? I chat politics with other friends and it’s a chat. It’s where one person says a couple of sentences then the other and nodding or “oh I see it differently” and chat chat chat. With DH he just goes on and on and on like he’s delivering a keynote lecture! It’s tedious and draining. I don’t foist my opinion on anyone. I use my vote and I discuss current affairs but I don’t “deliver my opinion” in the way he does at me.

@NameChange84 YES!! Exactly. Monologue. That’s exactly what it is. It’s like “I’m SO important and my opinion is king” where the hell is all this coming from? I’m pretty sure he never used to be like this or I wouldn’t have got with him. There’s other things to do with the day than listening to monologues about politics

Tell him that he doesn't want a conversation about it, he wants an audience and you are not interested in being his audience.

There's two separate issues here: his opinions (to which he's entitled) and the way he expresses them.

I happen to agree with him, more or less, but it sounds as if he is overbearing and entitled and expects to be able to just dispense views and for you and others just to fall into line with his "received wisdom".

I have a friend like this and its exhausting.

Its perfectly possible to be friends with or be in a relationship with someone with different political ideas and opinions as long as they treat you and yours with respect. It doesn't sound as if he does this with you at all and you are entitled to your own views and to your right not to have to discuss these things all the time.

Have you suggested to him that the way he approaches things like this is counterproductive?

He sounds like an annoying, arrogant arse. Tell him you're perfectly capable of informing yourself about issues by listening to or reading things by people who actually have some authority on the subject and you aren't interested in being lectured by a pompous know-it-all.

I have @thepeopleversuswork but he then gets moody and huffs off and it becomes me being “difficult” and a problem. He gets a “face on” which then impacts my day/mood and it’s particularly frustrating because I didn’t ask for it or initiate the discussion. I was just minding my own business or trying to engage in lighthearted chit chat which inevitable ends up in another monologue situation. It’s put me off engaging him in any conversation about anything to be honest other than the matter of fact ins and outs of daily living like “I’m off to Tesco do we need milk” it’s sad but I’m done being loaded down with other people’s opinions on stuff I don’t care about and I didn’t ask for.

Lucky you to have a husband who wants to have grown up conversations that are not about football, DIY, and what's for dinner.

My autistic child used to monologue about Minecraft, which is at least fairly politically neutral. (Bar the peaceful/ normal mode/ you ought to... debate) by God it was wearing.

Add in politics, the grandstanding,an adult who ought to know better, and the huff's and puffs...

I can understand how it would make you feel so bloody angry

meadowmom so the way he would like you to respond is to go: "oh yes DH you're so right and so knowledgeable on the subject, I entirely agree with you"?

It doesn't sound as if he wants an equal partnership, it sounds as if he wants a ready-made audience.

Honestly if he can't see why that's problematic I question how you can make this marriage work, long-term.

The problem is he does not want a conversation.

He is unable to tell when he is boring you.

Either that or he does not care.