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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be sick and tired of being talked at?

41 replies

meadowmom · 31/08/2020 10:01

Does anyone else have a DH who watches the news and just talks at you about politics and “their opinion” about things like Syria all the time. I’m just getting ground down by it. I don’t agree with his opinion which to my mind is worthy and noble (everybody should be allowed to come. Our arms should be open and welcoming. End of) I agree in a perfect Star Trek world that should be the way it is but my opinion is that’s not achievable. I can understand why people don’t want an over burdened social system taking more weight especially now during a pandemic and huge job losses etc and it makes no sense to me to keep being talked at about “how it should be” rant rant rant while what? I just sit like a nodding dog? My view is “be sensible” if you want to achieve change then you have to understand why and how people think and work with that as a starting point. Today I told him that “it’s never going to happen. Even neighbours fight over things like hedges so you can’t expect that human nature is just going to welcome anyone and everyone with open and welcoming arms even though in an ideal world that’s the way it should be” he then huffed out of the room. This isn’t a one off conversation. I’m getting “talked at” all the time about whatever the politics/news is. I just want to sit in peace and quiet and be left alone or have a chat about the weather! Why does my brain space have to continually be burdened or at the very least my come back opinion should be listened to with similar attention. Any advice on handling this please? Thank you

OP posts:

thepeopleversuswork · 31/08/2020 12:20

2bazookas its not quite as simple as that though is it? I love talking about politics if its a genuine conversation but it doesn't sound as if meadowmom's DH wants a conversation, he wants a monologue. Which is exhausting and dispiriting whether its about politics or football or crochet....

peachgreen · 31/08/2020 12:26

I have a friend like this and while I pretty much 100% agree with her politics, I find her exhausting to be around because she's SO militant and wants everyone to know how correct her opinions are on everything. I honestly don't know what the answer is, other than to break up and for him to find someone who's the same way inclined. Maybe I should introduce him to my friend?!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 31/08/2020 12:29

Tell him you are sick listening to his shite.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 31/08/2020 12:34

Or a "for god sake here we go" along with an eye roll everytime he starts, might give him the hint. Or try his tactic, take a big huff and walk away.

YouJustDoYou · 31/08/2020 12:40

My friend is like this. Loves to monologue about things she thinks re politics, "deep ideas", even likes to nitpick down to the words I use, why I use them, why her views on why she wouldn't use them is far more important and superior to mine, the virtues of how people where she comes from are raised and how that's better than how "white people" raise their kids....just endless, endless, political and opinionated lecturing. I avoid her now as much as I can, as I find it extremely mentally exhausting.

sycamorecottage · 31/08/2020 12:46

Just say "I'm sure you're right" and go off to do something else instead until the news has finished.

Sometimes I resort to "You're channeling your inner Victor Meldrew today, aren't you?".

EleanorOalike · 31/08/2020 12:52

“look DH, I’m a person. Not a sounding board. If you want a captive audience film yourself ranting a way like this and put it on YouTube. Or go and start up this drivel on Speaker’s Corner. It’s great that you have so much empathy for refugees etc but how about having a shred for empathy for your fucking wife who has to put up with your monologues day in and day out. It’s downright bloody disrespectful and I’m not putting up with it anymore. Shut up.”

IveSeenThings · 31/08/2020 12:55

I'm beginning to think my husband may be a bigamist *meadowmom"!

Aweebawbee · 31/08/2020 12:56

All of the men in DHs family are like this. God help the "difficult" woman who voices an opinion.

HugeAckmansWife · 31/08/2020 13:13

its basically another form of mansplaining. DP does this, about pretty much anything and he can never admit that he doesn't know about a topic. I'm a teacher, he's not. He goes on and on about the exam fiasco and what the unis could / should do. He even told me how I should mark an essay once when I mentioned it was tricky because it had amazing info but didn't answer the question. He monologued for 15 mins about what I should do - I've been teaching for 20 years! If its political situation, he likes to appear well informed but he doesn't actually read a newspaper or watch the news so most of what he says is based on absolutely nothing and if I correct or challenge it, he will talk on about how he thinks IF it was like that then he's right. Yes, but its not like that so you're wrong. Yes but, I'm just saying if it was, then what I'm saying is they should do... I don't know why he is so unable to admit that its not something he knows about.
OP, I think you either need to do non commital, "uh huh" noises, or make it clear you want an actual equal exchange of views in which neither of you is necessarily right.

bunters · 31/08/2020 13:24

Uuuurrrggghhh sounds just like my ex. Drove me bananas. Used to bang on and on about how selfish everyone was and how evil the tories are, but beyond voting he never ever got involved in politics or charity, or tried to actually change anything for the better. Tell him there are loads of opportunities to volunteer locally and see if he's willing to actually get off his arse to help refugees himself, instead of waiting for politicians to magically change everything

SummerPoppies · 31/08/2020 13:25

Just say " oh shut the fuck up, you boring bastard " next time he starts and get on with what you were doing the next time he starts.
It works for me.

billy1966 · 31/08/2020 20:29

OP, I can well imagine you would avoid engaging with him but it's very dangerous because it really signals the end of your marriage if not dealt with.

How long does it go on for?
Give a estimate to him and tell him you have had enough.
Tell him his monologues are causing you to not engage with him.

If he continues, honestly think about your future...because it will only get worse!

You have my sympathy......I'd definitely prefer to be alone.

ScrapThatThen · 31/08/2020 21:00

Well, the monologues might be a part of cognitive flexibility reducing, him becoming less open to viewpoints and less able to do to and fro or listen. It does not bode well for your dotage OP (noise cancelling headphones?)
But, I also wonder, is he in a Facebook echo chamber? People are almost getting radicalised by their own opinions in a social media world that just wants an argument not complexity.

Astella22 · 31/08/2020 21:13

My DH can go on these monologues and it’s an unsaid rule that I make all the correct noises while he talks and I listen AND read my phone. I just tune him out, he feel better after he vents so I don’t mind.

JoanWilderbeast · 02/09/2020 19:43

Just wanted to say me too, meadowmom. My partner is 61 & I also don't remember him always being like this. I feel like all he needs sometimes is another "pulse" in the room so as not to seem like a nutter ranting to himself!

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