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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you behave like a push over, you'll reap what you sow!

45 replies

suspensionbridge · 30/08/2020 19:35

Hope I haven't mixed my metaphors there.

I'm getting tired of my sister complaining about her son's behaviour when she's such a pushover and let's him get his own way all the time.

I fear he'll be so spoiled in a couple of years' time.

It's not my business apart from the constant daily texts about various issues.

I don't feel like I can give advice or even say anything at all because then she's get a little bit defensive so I'm literally there as a sounding board. And I am bored.

OP posts:
LuvMyBoyz · 30/08/2020 19:39

Bless her. She’s just a really nice person who wants to make her little one happy. He’ll be fine. It’s her way of parenting. Be there for her.

Leaannb · 30/08/2020 19:40

@LuvMyBoyz

Bless her. She’s just a really nice person who wants to make her little one happy. He’ll be fine. It’s her way of parenting. Be there for her.
Why are you excusing bad parenting?
Original poster
suspensionbridge · 30/08/2020 19:41

@LuvMyBoyz

Bless her. She’s just a really nice person who wants to make her little one happy. He’ll be fine. It’s her way of parenting. Be there for her.
She is a nice person but how could you actually know that?

Anyway, yes I'm there for her and it's not a huge deal. Just have a moan here for a release

OP posts:
Groundhogdayzz · 30/08/2020 19:45

Everyone parents differently, all you can do is suggest alternative ways and if she doesn’t take you up on these suggestions then be there to support her as a sounding board. Try not to let it get to you, sometimes all people want is a listening ear to vent to, and not actual advice.

Original poster
suspensionbridge · 30/08/2020 19:45

@Groundhogdayzz

Everyone parents differently, all you can do is suggest alternative ways and if she doesn’t take you up on these suggestions then be there to support her as a sounding board. Try not to let it get to you, sometimes all people want is a listening ear to vent to, and not actual advice.
Yes I agree.
OP posts:
Original poster
suspensionbridge · 30/08/2020 19:49

To add. I also have a child roughly the same age so I do empathise

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 30/08/2020 19:50

It's not my business apart from the constant daily texts about various issues.

She is making it your business by doing this.

I don't feel like I can give advice or even say anything at all because then she's get a little bit defensive so I'm literally there as a sounding board

You can say something. If she gets defensive then maybe she’ll stop boring you with her whinging if you actually give her proper feedback.

BigBlondeBimbo · 30/08/2020 19:52

How old is he and how much time do you spend with the two of them together? If he's a baby and you see them once a year, for example, I'd say YABU you see, but if he's 12 and lives in the same street and you all hang out a lot, then you're probably NBU!

Original poster
suspensionbridge · 30/08/2020 20:12

Our kids are both between 2 and 3 and we hang out quite a bit. I'm lucky in that my child will play alone and is a very chilled out character. My nephew..... er... pretty clingy and demanding and bossy! But I appreciate they're toddlers still and toddlers aren't know for being reasonable are they!

OP posts:
WhateverThePace · 30/08/2020 20:57

Try not to judge. You’re lucky you’re children are chilled out! Some are innately hyperactive, clingy and bossy. Not necessarily caused by her parenting approach. If her child is sensitive and clingy then being strict might backfire.

My eldest is hyperactive (and highly intelligent) and I have to be very gentle with her. Taking a hard approach doesn’t help (believe me I’ve tried).

Original poster
suspensionbridge · 30/08/2020 21:06

I don't judge. I just see her being a total walk over and it annoys somewhat. Toddlers do need boundaries, I think most types of parents will agree on that

OP posts:
BigBlondeBimbo · 30/08/2020 21:55

I mean...he is two? What is he demanding that she is giving him that makes her a walk over? I don't honestly see any point in gearing yourself up to fight battle with a two year old child. Your choice of language made me think this was a much older child. You've barely begun parenting these children (even if you have older ones).

Your sister texting you constantly and every day to complain about his behaviour does sound annoying though.

waitingforadulthood · 30/08/2020 23:30

My dsis is the same. And I felt as you do years ago. Sadly I was proved right. They are 15 now and frankly nasty spoilt brats. They do nothing. They treat her like shit. Speak to her in a way Id never tolerate from mine- and when we are all together she says "you don't get it! Yours are easy! It's just mine have challenging personalities, and yours don't!" Which is bollocks. I parented. I did the graft to raise good people. She didn't.

She said I was too harsh, and let hers get away with murder and had excise after excuse why her children could behave in x y z way.

Original poster
suspensionbridge · 31/08/2020 07:26

@BigBlondeBimbo

I mean...he is two? What is he demanding that she is giving him that makes her a walk over? I don't honestly see any point in gearing yourself up to fight battle with a two year old child. Your choice of language made me think this was a much older child. You've barely begun parenting these children (even if you have older ones).

Your sister texting you constantly and every day to complain about his behaviour does sound annoying though.

I'm actually shocked that people think it's ok for a 2 year old to completely rule the roost!
OP posts:
ImaSababa · 31/08/2020 07:30

@LuvMyBoyz

Bless her. She’s just a really nice person who wants to make her little one happy. He’ll be fine. It’s her way of parenting. Be there for her.
Attitudes like this make me despair.
seayork2020 · 31/08/2020 07:33

To be constantly texted for something is something that needs to be dealt with so you will have to talk to her about

Emeraldshamrock · 31/08/2020 08:20

My nephew..... er... pretty clingy and demanding and bossy! But I appreciate they're toddlers still and toddlers aren't know for being reasonable are they!
Just listen and support her instead of judging her.
Yes you're lucky your DC is chilled and placid, my first was like that a sweet angel, my 2nd is like your nephew.
Your Dsis is working to her DS needs it is not ideal but when you're dealing with a child of this nature you have to play hardball with a smile.
Don't advise just listen and remember we don't make their personality at this age, she obviously has a strong willpower child with emotional regulation issues. She'll get there.
Yours isn't better just different they're toddlers.

Emeraldshamrock · 31/08/2020 08:22

Tell her to stop texting, you might find yourself here on a 2nd DC be kind.

BigBlondeBimbo · 31/08/2020 08:35

I'm actually shocked that people think it's ok for a 2 year old to completely rule the roost!

Hmm
MattBerrysHair · 31/08/2020 08:39

Have you got examples of her being a pushover? It's hard to know if YABU or not without.

Emeraldshamrock · 31/08/2020 08:39

Your thread title is very mean it is your Dsis struggling with a difficult toddler.

BigBlondeBimbo · 31/08/2020 08:42

Yes, some more specific examples might help us understand what you mean op and whether or not you're being U Smile.

MsTSwift · 31/08/2020 08:43

Ours and our local friends dc all late primary early secondary now and who has parented properly and who hasn’t is becoming glaringly obvious....

EnjoyingTheSilence · 31/08/2020 08:49

Agree we need specific examples otherwise we can’t really tell what you’re talking about

BigBlondeBimbo · 31/08/2020 08:49

@MsTSwift

Ours and our local friends dc all late primary early secondary now and who has parented properly and who hasn’t is becoming glaringly obvious....
I'm sure this is true, if you read nothing but the title of the thread...but, I'd definitely like more specific examples than "she's a push over, a walk over, he rules the roost", before I decided a stranger wasn't parenting her small toddler properly. I also would be pretty slow to decide a child was going to "clearly not have been parented properly" because he clings to his mum, when he is two years old Confused.
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