If you behave like a push over, you'll reap what you sow!

[suspensionbridge]

Hope I haven't mixed my metaphors there.

I'm getting tired of my sister complaining about her son's behaviour when she's such a pushover and let's him get his own way all the time.

I fear he'll be so spoiled in a couple of years' time.

It's not my business apart from the constant daily texts about various issues.

I don't feel like I can give advice or even say anything at all because then she's get a little bit defensive so I'm literally there as a sounding board. And I am bored.

I actually worry as much about my very independent toddler as I did my clingy one btw. Yes, it's easier for the adults that he amuses himself, but I also don't want him to not develop social skills he will need later. So there is a balance. I think when it's your first, some parents just want an easy life, so a non clingy toddler seems fab. But it can also be an essential part of their development when they go through separation anxiety etc, that they will cling to their mum. So, you know, balance.

Boundaries are important, but actually, refusing affection to stop your toddler being clingy can have the opposite effect. Boundaries make them feel secure. Coldness and refusing affection makes them feel insecure.

So, I'd like more examples of the sister's allegedly terrible parenting and also examples of how the op proposes she stop her son being clingy.

As an aside my DS took lots of training using choice theory, play therapy, scrimping saving for OT etc it was extremely embarrassing with Dsis and same age neice he has suspected DMDD ADHD he is highly intelligent and has progressed massively now at 6.
OTOH my niece 6 never needed any discipline now she is a wee cheeky brat and Dsis doesn't know where to start.
I won't be smug it's not easy.

A toddler having tantrums is entirely normal!

Try not to be so judgemental or it will rub off on your kids.

@BigBlondeBimbo Your post is very wise.

Also, you sound insecure and that you want to criticise your sister out of a need to compete and be better than her. Look to yourself and work on your own faults before finding fault with others.

She’s just a really nice person who wants to make her little one happy. He’ll be fine.

Are you psychic? How do you know??

Ah thanks @Emeraldshamrock. I like "wise" 🦉🧐.

Agree with others than specific examples would be helpful. But toddlers do need some boundaries otherwise how will they begin to learn? That doesn’t mean making everything a battle

@LuvMyBoyz

Bless her. She’s just a really nice person who wants to make her little one happy. He’ll be fine. It’s her way of parenting. Be there for her.

The fuck? Are you condoning spoiling children?

Nothing worse than a spoilt child

If she keeps texting you then why not say something? If she doesn't like it she can stop the constant texts.

@Keysunshine

Agree with others than specific examples would be helpful. But toddlers do need some boundaries otherwise how will they begin to learn? That doesn’t mean making everything a battle

No, I agree and said so later in the thread. It is the OP's choice of wording which comes across to me as combative, which I find very odd, considering the child is two. It's possible to set boundaries without going all "don't be a pushover", "he is trying to rule the roost" etc. But possibly, this is a regional thing or is meant in a softer tone than how it comes across to me in text.

I think you need to distinguish things that affect you from things that don’t. (I say that gently, I’m going through similar with a friend.) So if she contacts you to moan then slow down the replies and just say something like “Oh no, sounds really tough” rather than suggesting what she might have done. Accept that he behaves one way and your DC behaves another. Ultimately it’s her child/family and her parenting decisions. Yes, she might be raising a brat. That’s not on you.

And fwiw I think there is clear bad parenting, even with 2 year olds. The “If you do that one more time we’re going home” repeated ad infinitum lot are a good example.

Sympathies, OP. I used to have a close friend who moaned wearily about her children’s behaviour, but absolutely invariably gave into them.

She’d say e.g., No, one or other couldn’t have or do whatever it was because of poor behaviour, but once that child had screamed and roared for 20 minutes, she’d say, ‘Oh, go on, then...’

Cue instant triumphant beam from said child - it worked yet again!
Intensely frustrating to witness, esp. when I had children the same age and felt obliged to stick to whatever sanction we’d agreed on. Very unfair on my own dc who saw the other getting away with it.

I have a friend who does this. 2 children and they are vile to her, demanding, violent to her and walk all over her. The tantrums they have when she says no is unreal. No sen. They do nothing in the house, refuse to go to school but she doesn't do anything but moan about it me. They are 10 and 8. I dread to think what they'll be like when they're teenagers.

I've listened, I've offered advice when she's asked for it but there are always reasons to why she can't limit screen time, remove electronics and has excuses for their behaviour.

@EssentialHummus

And fwiw I think there is clear bad parenting, even with 2 year olds. The “If you do that one more time we’re going home” repeated ad infinitum lot are a good example.

I agree. I was one of the mums who actually did remove my child after fair warning and sometimes got "aw don't worry, it isn't that bad" comments.

But the op hasn't said any of that. Or any of what @GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER's friend does.

So far, the other mother's greatest crime is having a "uuuuum...clingy" baby and then a whole load of weirdly angry accusations which are too vague to understand.

Let's face it, on AIBU, there is every chance the op is just angry and a bit weird and competitive, OR, that the other mum is being crap. Especially based on her overreaction to posts on here. "I can't believe people don't agree with me immediately, with no details ".

So, I think I'll reserve judgement till the op gives some specific examples of how the mum is being a push over and the 2 yo is ruling the roost.

Just text her back slowly. No need to be texting back and forth. Or plan a daily phone call/time to text each other. You don't need to advise her on parenting, but you can put boundaries in place about how much contact you have

People who repeatedly moan but bat away helpful suggestions are tiresome, so I sympathise with your weary feeling.
Sure sometimes a person just needs to be listened to without being given answers... But daily gripes about the same thing are different and sounds like she isn't willing to consider how her approach might be adjusted. Her childs personality may well be different, but as a parent you can make things better or worse by your parenting of course you can.
Some people aren't up to the job. My own parents are massively confrontation averse, anything for the quiet life...but very loving. So my little Hitler of a sister made my life hell for years (we're fine now), all swept under the carpet, as I was the pliable one it was my job to take the heat without a fuss. Had my delightful soft and kind parents had a little delicate flower for an elder daughter they would have been a good fit and no problem. Some children need stronger boundaries (done with love of course) than others because they are massive boundary testers... Others less so, but if you can't deliver that when it's needed it will go where it goes.

I thought this was about a much older child by the language too! A 2 year old! Aren't most 2 year olds a PITA?

Id worry much more if the kid was older and this was still going on. Most of my friends moaned about their 2 year olds at the time, it was accepted that they were hard work. We sympathised with each other; maybe she just wants that especially as you have a child of the same age?

Plus kids have different personalities. My kid was like hers at 2 and it's exhausting. You have to choose your battles and sometimes give in otherwise you'd go mad.