Bullies in a FB group

[WhateverThePace]

Many women from my Baby Bus/FB group are lovely. We’re supportive, kind, advise each other. Speak with honesty and integrity. Many of us have unique skill sets and life experience that we try to share.

But there’s a group of 5 or 6 who get so nasty. Over the silliest things. They allow a select clique to express opinions but not others. If we challenge their behaviour we are told off for ‘stirring up conflict’ or accused of being unkind.

I’ve noticed this clique are quick to criticise certain members, for things they’d not dare attack others over. I detest bullying and intervene when I see this happening.

I know this cliques are part of life. But I find their behaviour sickening at times. It’s wildly obvious they are supportive of some and highly critical of others, yet the clique always back each other. A culture of fear has developed.

How do you deal with people like this? I like the group and know some of the members in RL. Yet those who are wise and kind are being dominated by this unpleasant minority, to the point they engage less and less. Some have left the group now. Those who dare to speak up are accused of being unkind or unsupportive!

It was once a happy, supportive group where opinions and values were respected. People were polite and caring.

Is there a way back or is it doomed? WWYD?

I have put time and energy into it. Without being an admin. Do you need to be an admin to create a positive vibe?
Realistically, yes, because there will always be arseholes. How can the admin be such a huge job? How many members are there?

I think the best thing to do is block the arseholes, start your own group, invite all the non-arseholes to join, and hope it takes off.

Realistically, yes, because there will always be arseholes. How can the admin be such a huge job? How many members are there?

About 130 members in our group. Used to be more.

I’m admin of 2 subgroups, that’s my max for now. To be a good admin you have a responsibility to monitor every post, which takes up a fair chunk of time. Keep an eye on all debates. Step in when you spot bullying but still see the bigger picture. Ensure no discussion gets personal or nasty. Weed out the bullies. Be non-judgemental and fair! Respond to PMs from women who are struggling, especially those with PND or family problems. Enforce group rules.
In any support group, are these not the duties of an admin?

It’s hard when you have young kids and a job. If I became a SAHM I might admin a bigger group. But even if you weed out the clique, there will always be people who vent their stress on others. If people are openly nasty it’s easier to see, but most bullies are sly. They’re subtle in their nastiness. They lay bait then blame a scapegoat(s). Start controversial debates and cry wolf when someone disagrees, with their cronies piling in to support them. Unless you follow all posts closely and notice patterns, many bullies in a big group can evade an admin. You see them being overly lovey-dovey and supportive of their friends and think they are nice.. then you realise they’re ostracising others and ganging up to make people feel and look bad.

You’re very lucky your group gets on well!!

Every birth group known to human existence has this dynamic. You do what everyone else does and pilfer the ones you still get on with to a sub group and keep an eye on the main group when you can be bothered.

They'll never change. They'll always back each other up. They'll see themselves as the victims instead of instigator.
I'd mute the group and set up a new group.

Sounds like Mumsnet, to be honest.

Yes it does sound like mumsnet 🤣 Or at least AIBU at times.

What do people get out of bullying and ganging up? A sense of belonging? Or pleasure in being cruel?

Makes them feel powerful / superior.