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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To bang on the wall to neighbour?

40 replies

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 13:24

I've lived next door to neighbour for three years. We get on fine but he's really bloody noisy!

The day begins at 4.30am when he gets up and seriously bangs about loudly getting ready for his day waking me up every day without fail. He then goes out just as I'm drifting back off slamming the door behind him, waking me up again about 5.30am.

He returns after a few hours and noisily bangs about doing housework, washing up, banging cupboard doors and banging everything else. Mid morning he puts his really fucking heavy bass dance music on and there it goes on for a few hours. No matter how much I turn up the TV, I can still hear the boom of the bass.

Then the music goes off, he bangs some more and then the music can come back on afternoon to 9pm with more banging.

Lockdown has been a nightmare. I've lost my job and my mental health has been really poor, almost suicidal and this has really added to the load.

A few months back after he stuck music on loudly late at night, I text him really nicely to ask him to turn it down as I was trying to sleep. He was very apologetic and the music has turned down since but it's the fucking bass like I told him and the other banging about. On a nice day, he has music out on the garden for 7/8 hours from morning. I usually go out on these days just to get away from it. I think he's just really inconsiderate because he also calls the bloody cat in, shouting it loudly, in the early hours, usually 1am or later.

After the first text of me asking him nicely to turn the music down, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with him being so inconsiderate. I don't want to go around again so I've taken to banging on the wall when he starts his music up. It's so fucking relentless, it's soul destroying. He sometimes turns it off, sometimes doesn't. I just think I'm entitled to peace in my own home. I rent and I am scared he may report me to my estate agent for banging at him but I can't take anymore and I dread being home each day because of him. So aibu banging at him?

OP posts:

omg35 · 30/08/2020 13:27

Playing music during the day is really ok... provided it's not before 8 or after midnight. Are the walls thin? In that case the banging is likely not deliberate. I don't see anything wrong with asking him to try and be a bit quieter early and late but some of what you said is a bit unreasonable... he's allowed to enjoy his home too

Alwaysoutofreach · 30/08/2020 13:28

Does he have hearing problems?
My brother is the same, he doesn't realise because he is deaf in 1 ear.

A chat is needed with his before it totally breaks down the relationship.

Mintjulia · 30/08/2020 13:31

Have you tried asking the council to check the noise levels? If it's over a certain decibels, it counts as noise nuisance and he can be required to turn it down. If it isn't that loud, he's allowed to play it.

Headphones? White noise?

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 13:41

It's definitely not that loud. It's the dance music bass that booms through the walls and it's every day so it feels really relentless. If I'm reading or something I can't concentrate because of the constant and heavy boom. The walls are thinnish but I manage to be quiet because he's commented before that he doesn't realise when I'm home or not because I'm so quiet. He is entitled to play his music and I feel bad about banging but it's so constant I just want to watch a programme or read without the boom. I want peace in my own home.

OP posts:

SunbathingDragon · 30/08/2020 13:45

When can he find the time to sleep?

Considering he was apologetic and turned down the music after you first spoke to him about it, I’d politely go back to him and thank him for doing that but say the bass is still a problem for you and so is the early morning cat shouting/banging around.

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 30/08/2020 13:55

@omg35

Couldn't disagree more.

How can op live next door to someone waking her up at 430, 530, screaming at a cat at 1am, music 8hrs a day etc?
That's absolutely terrible.
If you live in suburbia then you need to be considerate. Those aren't things that are just someone going about their day.

You'll get 2 camps of people op. Those who agree with you, and selfish noisy people that don't care.

Sparklesocks · 30/08/2020 13:56

It sounds difficult! He gets up at 4.30 but sometimes doesn’t go to bed until 1am? That’s crazy, when does he sleep?

I would speak to him face to face about it, and maybe invest in decent ear plugs.

HooverWhenTheCoastIsClear · 30/08/2020 13:58

@Magicra84

You're not selfish. Noisy people just don't get it. They're very selfish. I don't know how they'd feel if you smashed doors all night for fun while they tried to sleep.

Palavah · 30/08/2020 14:07

Banging on the wall is a terrible idea.

Texting isn't great.

Given there's a pattern, why don't you go over and speak to him, politely, and let him know that you are woken at 4 30, 5.30 and then by the bass on his speakers.

He probably doesn't massively enjoy getting up at 4.30 and presumably doesn't realise how much it's disturbing you. Start non-confronationally with a smile, and see how you go.

Im sorry to hear you've been struggling with your mental health. Lack of sleep certainly doesnt help. On the bright side, at last if you're not working you have a bit more flexibility to rest. Have you tried silicom earplugs and/or noise - cancelling headphones?

Haggisfish · 30/08/2020 14:12

Can you ask him to turn the bass down, rather than the volume?

Nikori · 30/08/2020 14:18

Are you quite sensitive to noise? Because it just sounds like normal living noise to me. My neighbors are a little noisy, but it rarely bothers me. I don't really see how you can complain about someone getting up and getting ready for work.

TOFO1965 · 30/08/2020 14:20

Can you move? I felt relief for you when I saw that you rent, you can move on easily and find a quieter spot. He sounds a perfect pain in the arse.

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 14:46

Hes not getting up for work. He's getting up for his hobby. The preparation of which each morning is noisy too!

When he's been playing music in tje garden, which the bass booms on my walls, so no escape, I have shut the windows to at least block some of the noise and despite him hearing me shut the windows, he still doesn't adjust the noise. We have very different tastes in music, his is heavy dance, techno etc. I just don't want to hear his music choice! The noise, whether it's his music, his banging living noise or his talking at top volume to visitors or on the phone, really is constant from 4.30am to bedtime which is about 9pm I'm guessing. It literally doesn't stop except for the few hours he's out in the morning.

The bangs he makes which are usually the door, the cupboards or him banging things on the floor make me jump ten foot in the air sometimes. It's that bad! Also, I'm very unwell at the moment and need lots of rest. When I try and take a nap in the afternoon I can't as his music starts up or he'll be doing something involving lots of banging around. It's like he does nothing with consideration for the noise. I can hear him washing up! I can hear him wash each item and whether it's a plate/dish, a pan or cutlery. It's really that bad! Knowing the noise carries, I'm really considerate. He's just not! He's an arsehole tbh! I am moving out but until then he's making life difficult and stressful when it already is very much so.

As he gets up so early, he tends to go to bed early too which is a blessing. He just must wake in the early hours to get the cat in.

OP posts:

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 14:51

Oh, and he's the type who waffles on about always being kind and being mindful to others and he's so inconsiderate and I'd say entitled! We're in a local lockdown too which means no visitors except bubbles, but he's been having so many people round throughout the whole of lockdown, including a bloody picnic with several guests in April so right in the heart of lockdown.

I'm just setting the scene that he doesn't seem to care about anyone but himself!

OP posts:

nosswith · 30/08/2020 15:01

Try once more with the approach of speaking to him, and if that does not work, then it should be the council for noise nuisance.

Nikori · 30/08/2020 15:13

Sorry, I know it's stressful. It's just the council aren't going to be interested in "My neighbor washes his dishes too loudly" and "My neighbor opens and closes cupboards too loudly". That's just normal living noise.

It's good to hear that you are moving. Is it like a terrace house? Noise can really travel through them.

Longwhiskers14 · 30/08/2020 15:14

If you can hear him washing every item up I think you should consider having someone round to check your walls, because that's not normal! You shouldn't be able to hear that. Are you in a new build with thin walls, I wonder?

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 15:55

@longwhiskers14 He can't hear me, but I think he's generally very loud in everything he does. Like he doesn't just shut a cupboard door, he slams it. When I was friendly with him (really don't see him much anymore), he used to say he didn't know when I was in and worried about me because he never heard me, yet I was in all the time, doing all the things he does, household chores, tv, music, I just really watch the noise and be considerate.

OP posts:

LonginesPrime · 30/08/2020 16:05

You're not going to get silence in a terraced/semi-detached property, OP. I appreciate you have MH issues and need some quiet but this sounds like more of an issue with the walls if you can hear every move he makes.

Some people have spatial awareness issues and it doesn't sound like he's being deliberately annoying. Do you think he is washing up maliciously?

YABU to bang on the wall - it's aggressive and inappropriate.

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 16:46

I don't think he's washing up just to piss me off but with the 7 or 8 hours of music blaring in the garden on every decent day and music every single day which the bass does affect my enjoyment of living, eg I can hear it over the telly or my own music, I do feel I have a right to peace. I kind of accept every day household noise but music every single day, heavy dance music, which affects me I feel is too much and he should tone it down or use headphones if he wants the bass so loud. I absolutely dread it coming on because the only way I can describe it is that the beat of the music riles me so much it makes my heart beat really fast. All I want to be able to do is to watch a programme or listen to my own music without the bass of his music overpowering it so I can't concentrate on my own activity.

OP posts:

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 16:50

Oh and it's a semi detached. I've lived in a terrace before with a family with teenagers next door and that was noisy but not constant everyday and their music was maybe twice a week not almost all day everyday. They also didn't have the bass on so much like he does.

OP posts:

Lolwhat · 30/08/2020 16:50

Sounds like a man enjoying his own home, would ask him to turn the bass down though as he may not realise how far it travels

SBTLove · 30/08/2020 16:51

I can see the relentless music being really annoying but you’re saying every day living noises make you jump 10 feet in the air.
It seems like you’re fixating on these noises therefore they’re really annoying.
Earplugs for bedtime, noise cancelling headphones.
Do neither of you work to be home constantly?
Or go round have a chat and be honest that his noise is making you ill.

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 16:52

And I'm only banging on the walls because I've spoken to him before and he doesn't seem to care that the bass levels are really high.

OP posts:

Original poster

Magicra84 · 30/08/2020 16:54

But should his enjoyment be to the detriment of others, eg me having to listen to his music every single day and me and the neighbours having to listen to it for 7/8 hours each time it's nice weather just because he doesn't want to wear headphones?

OP posts:

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