To bang on the wall to neighbour?

[Magicra84]

I've lived next door to neighbour for three years. We get on fine but he's really bloody noisy!

The day begins at 4.30am when he gets up and seriously bangs about loudly getting ready for his day waking me up every day without fail. He then goes out just as I'm drifting back off slamming the door behind him, waking me up again about 5.30am.

He returns after a few hours and noisily bangs about doing housework, washing up, banging cupboard doors and banging everything else. Mid morning he puts his really fucking heavy bass dance music on and there it goes on for a few hours. No matter how much I turn up the TV, I can still hear the boom of the bass.

Then the music goes off, he bangs some more and then the music can come back on afternoon to 9pm with more banging.

Lockdown has been a nightmare. I've lost my job and my mental health has been really poor, almost suicidal and this has really added to the load.

A few months back after he stuck music on loudly late at night, I text him really nicely to ask him to turn it down as I was trying to sleep. He was very apologetic and the music has turned down since but it's the fucking bass like I told him and the other banging about. On a nice day, he has music out on the garden for 7/8 hours from morning. I usually go out on these days just to get away from it. I think he's just really inconsiderate because he also calls the bloody cat in, shouting it loudly, in the early hours, usually 1am or later.

After the first text of me asking him nicely to turn the music down, I'm getting increasingly frustrated with him being so inconsiderate. I don't want to go around again so I've taken to banging on the wall when he starts his music up. It's so fucking relentless, it's soul destroying. He sometimes turns it off, sometimes doesn't. I just think I'm entitled to peace in my own home. I rent and I am scared he may report me to my estate agent for banging at him but I can't take anymore and I dread being home each day because of him. So aibu banging at him?

I had a similar neighbour with music everyday from 5pm ish to 1am (or all night, quite often would still be going when I left for work) and all day at weekends. I could hear it in every room in my house because of the bass. Unless people experience it then I don’t think they can appreciate just how much it affects your mental health.
I asked him nicely several times to turn it down and he ignored me. I got Environmental Health involved which stopped it all apart from a “punishment hour” from 10-11pm for a few months and then it gradually got back to how it used to be. So I borrowed a music system and returned the favour. They don’t like it when you do it to them. He moved in the end. It was such a relief.

You say you spoke to him once and he has turned it down. Speak to him again about the bass. It may be you are TOO quiet so he doesn't understand how thin the walls are. He doesn't sound THAT bad tbh. He did as he was asked before and was apologetic. Yes hes a bit inconsiderate but he may just be a bit oblivious.

Move ASAP!

Have you actually spoken to him face to face? Or have you just text him and banged on the walls?

I would speak to him again. He probably doesnt realise how difficult you are finding it.

Knock on and ask him to come into your house when he's got his music on. That way he can hear exactly how loud it is. If was the only thing that worked with my former student neighbours!

Knock on and ask him to come into your house when he's got his music on. That way he can hear exactly how loud it is

...then get someone else to go into his house and nick his stereo

I do feel for you. The combination of noise plus the need for peace are a duelling nightmare. I still have it now in a detached house if that helps (probably not).

Here’s the thing....
You are living your life being a ‘quiet’ person, considerate and moderate. If you decided to watch a loud film or drill holes you’re the sort of person who would likely consider the impact on others first. You wouldn’t put your radio on loud enough so you could hear it everywhere. Nor would you garden to music as you’d be on tender hooks everyone else could hear it and it would be annoying them.

Along comes Jim next door and the very last thing he is thinking is about his slamming doors or his stampy feet or his shit music. He’s thinking about his morning fishing/gym/running session. Not you. He’s not thinking about your peace - he doesn’t need peace so why should he? It’s not on his radar.

Asking him round to hear the noise is good. Knock when it’s bad for you and ask him not to turn it down. Be ultra polite.

The thing that gets me most about this is he’s on his own - he could listen to his crap on headphones 24/7 and not bother you or compromise his listening!!

Yeah I agree about knocking on when the music is playing and asking him to come and listen to the noise.

How long until you can move out? Sorry you're going through this.

You get 100% sympathy from me OP, having moved from a hellish neighbour who could bang doors so loudly it registered on the Richter scale, I'm not joking our house used to shake. This could go on easily until well into the early hours. I used to be at how anyone needed to open and shut so many cupboard doors/room doors to go about their business. I lay in bed imagining a kitchen with about 1000 cupboards in it!

Have you ever tried a white noise machine? It's the best £50 I ever spent and it saved my sanity, it might drown out the bass and other) noise. It takes a few weeks to get used to on average but after that you barely notice it and it becomes quite soothing.

Several things - good earplugs, white noise machine for sleeping plus and good noise cancelling earphones during the day

Gently, if this has become more of an issue recently for you (I assume so, as I wouldn't think you'd have put up with it for 3 years at this level of annoyance), I would guess it's probably your current mental health that's exacerbating the issue here.

I get really, really bad noise sensitivity when my mental health is poor, to the point where I'm almost in tears of rage/anxiousness/being overwhelmed at fairly normal everyday noises.

You don't say if you're medicated/in treatment of some kind, but I definitely think that could help. Although I recognise it's not a quick fix!

Also, I guess being at home a lot with Covid and losing your job has probably made it more noticeable and annoying. Next door on one side of us is super noisy - we can hear everything they do, and during lockdown I've realised how loud they laugh!

Agreed with the white noise machine that PPs mentioned - I sleep with white noise when my anxiety is bad, and it really helps!

I second a white noise machine! My baby has one in her room, but when she was a newborn and sleeping in our bedroom I didn’t realise how comforting and soothing they were to fall asleep to!

How horrible for you. Noisy people know they are noisy and they don't care. Also people go about their lives, not creeping about or being deliberately quiet and you don't hear them. So it's really bad if you do. I would bang and yell through the wall each and every time, maybe put very loud music on yourself. Why should you pay the price for the way he wants to live? I hope you feel better soon