Parents of children on the spectrum

[ambereeree]

I'm trying to fill an assessment form out for my almost 2 and half year old.
I've noticed he often doesn't follow my finger when I point. Sometimes he'll half heartedly look or just look at something else he finds more interesting.
He likes to show me things with a pointed finger and will look at my face to see what I think making eye contact and laughing or smiling.
He will never point to something I want him to, will only point to things he wants to show me. I'll say where's the car he'll point to a train and say train and then point to car and say car.
Using an index finger or thumb. Sometimes whole hand or even foot if he puts the book on the floor.
If I point to pictures in a book he'll only look if he likes it ie. A car or train.
He's quite difficult in that he doesn't listen and will go into rages if for example we walk the direction he doesn't want to.
I'm concerned about the lack of pointing more because he also doesn't really communicate.
His language skills are delayed and doesn't call mummy. Will just come and pull me along when he needs or wants something. Doesn't nod or shake his head or wave either. Will also pull his older sibling when he needs help from them.
Is there any test you were asked to perform to test finger pointing or communication? I'm trying to put as much information as possible because I'm going to pay for a private assessment due to coronavirus delays in appointments.
If any parents could help me perhaps add some 'tests' I have missed I would be really grateful.
I did try the SEN board but it's not very busy like aibu.

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but for 2.5 that behaviour all sounds quite normal to me.

@serenasandwich thank you. My daughter was the opposite so I'm not sure about normal. He seems to be behind his peers.

@SerenaSandwich

Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but for 2.5 that behaviour all sounds quite normal to me.

I disagree with this, he sounds just like my DS was at that age and he was diagnosed ASD aged 4. My NT DC had communication skills in a whole different league by 2.5 years, and the OP has an older child so she knows what's usual and what isn't. I dont think it's fair to undermine her judgement.

Having just read your OP again, I've seen the bit about not nodding, waving or shaking head, apologies I missed that first time.

But the stuff about not always wanting to look at the things you want him to, not listening and getting annoyed if he doesn't get to go the way he wants to go all sounds very normal at 2.

I'm not a professional though so feel free to ignore, sorry to derail thread.

@Shakirasma thank you. Yes it's the communication skills that worry me. Not always turning to his name and not calling mummy. He knows mummy as he asks me to write it when he has a pencil. He knows a lot of words, alphabet and counts very well but doesn't communicate verbally. Won't say hello byebye or what are you doing. My older girl was having conversations with me at this age.

Do you have any autism in the family, op?

Hmmm. It's not quite right is it?

What's he like with toys. Ds was obsessed with wheels, eg would play with the wheel of the ride on toy.

There is something called MChat questionnaire you can google and is suitable for this age. That you say he points something out to you and then looks at your face is great, this is joint attention

@CulturallyAppropriatedName nobody has been diagnosed or tested.

It is usually if they take your finger to point again this isn't an indicator at 2.5.
For example if he needed a drink he'd take you to the sink and use your hand then finger to point at a cup. Although personally I think this is bollox like lots of the indicators on the check list.
Longterm visual assessments are needed.

Also are there any speech and language early years drop ins near you. Maybe they are doing phone appointments at the moment. They are good for advice and also give you tips to help him progress

My son used to pull me to things he wanted and still does actually ,he's ten he has autism and severe learning disabilities ,we have no autism in the family .

@BlackeyedSusan thank you. he loves vehicles trains cars and anything with wheels. He loves to run them along the floor or sofa and get to eye level watching them move. He also gets excited and laughs when I run them down the slide. He'll give me the car to watch them race down. He also loves to stop and watch cars come down the road as well. He's never turned the car upside down to spin the wheels. He flaps his arms laughing when he gets excited about cars.

@Emeraldshamrock no he would stand by the sink and maybe try and reach for a cup while making a grabbing motion. Or he'll get a cup out of the cupboard and show me by reaching for the sink. Recently he has become obsessed with him my phone and will come to me look for my phone. When he can't see it he'll say phone. When I say no he'll have a tantrum

@ambereeree
It is very difficult to diagnose ASD in a child so young because many of the main diagnosis criteria can be in the normal range for children under 4 and can be indicative of other conditions such as ADHD or idiopathic global delay.
There will ofcourse be children who are at the more severe end of the spectrum who will be diagnosed very early but it is rare.
Then there are children like my ds who have both ASD and ADHD who couldn't be diagnosed with ASD until we had his ADHD under control which meant that he was 7 before he got his ASD diagnosed even though he is quite severely affected by it.
What I'm saying is that even if you give all the relevant info at 2.5 you are highly unlikely to get a definitive answer either way and it might be worth waiting for 12 months before starting the assessment.
I know how frustrating it is when you know that something isn't quite right (horrible fraise i know but apt) with your dcs development but getting the correct answers takes time and an infinite amount of patience.
Good luck and I hope you get the answers you need

@Cabinfever10 I really appreciate your opinion. I'm living with a feeling of dread at the moment I want a diagnosis so I can do something to help him but at the same time know that it's going to difficult at his age and might be told there's nothing I can do yet.

@sunflowerss no nothing that is open.

@ambereeree
I well know that feeling of dread and guilt that you are failing your child by not doing everything possible but you are not failing him or not helping him you are doing everything you can so please don't blame yourself in anyway.
If you are in Scotland there is a group called Parents INC (@pinc) who are a support group for parents of ASD children they are an amazing support group if you need a hand hold

Sound like my twins at that age. They had a speech delay but no autism. I paid for private speech therapy and they made amazing progress. Heard ‘mummy’ for the first time Recently!

The benchmark for assessment & DLA is when they are not reaching the milestones their peers are.

@Morecheeriosplease I'm probably going to pay for the speech therapist too. Did a doctor recommend one?

I would focus on speech therapy first OP and maybe try to do signing with him at home too. Some children do just work on understanding things really well before they start communicating. Speech therapy will also test understanding eg have 3 toy fruits in front of you and a dolly and a teddy. Say “give the apple to teddy” and see if he can do that kind of thing.

@fishywaters thank you for the suggestion. I will try some games like that.

My 2.5 yr olds don't call me mummy. But they call daddy daddy. Does yours call is daddy "daddy"?

Mine are speech delayed. But they point to aeroplanes in the sky, trees etc if I ask them.

They don't wave unless I ask them too and then it's a miniscule one. They also rarely shake their heads. Never nod.

But I don't have concerns as they communicate very effectively in other ways. They will respond to their name most of the time (all children have selective hearing) and generally good eye contact, interaction, knowledge.

Personally I think your child could go either way. He may just be delayed (it's normal for boys to speak later) or he may have some communication issues (maybe autism, maybe hearing or other issues). Just tell the HV and see what they say.

@liveitwell no he doesn't say daddy either. I've noticed he's making a mmmm sound to me and when we sing the alphabet he says m is mmm and taps my arm but that's more learned I think as I say m is for mummy and point to myself. He knows how to spell his name as well. Will point to his letters.