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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed when BF doesn’t message back when he’s on holiday

50 replies

Spring202 · 30/08/2020 11:53

BF’s gone on holiday with his mates and GFs to Spain but I didn’t fancy risking it with Covid so stayed at home. Other than the msg to say he’s got there a week ago he hasn’t made contact since. I saw his mates’ Insta of them having a good time and he’s active on WhatsApp so he can msg if he wanted.
AIBU to feel like he doesn’t care about me and be annoyed?
I want to say something but don’t want to start an argument.

OP posts:
Palavah · 30/08/2020 12:00

Have you messaged him to say hi and ask how he's getting on?

lioncitygirl · 30/08/2020 12:03

Maybe he’s just busy.

RandomTree · 30/08/2020 12:06

If he hasn't been in touch at all then yes, I'd be upset about that. And I am not needy at all!

katy1213 · 30/08/2020 12:12

Back in the day, you'd have been lucky to get a postcard. I can't understand this pressure to be constantly in contact. He'll see you when he gets back; leave the poor guy in peace to enjoy his holiday - he doesn't want constant reminders of home.

makingmammaries · 30/08/2020 12:18

I’d find that rude

Ponoka7 · 30/08/2020 12:20

Your a bit, out of sigh out of mind, aren't you? How long have you been together and how is he normally for keeping in touch?

AskingforaBaskin · 30/08/2020 12:21

How long have you been together?

Florencex · 30/08/2020 12:22

Assuming this is an established relationship, not just a few dates, then yes I would expect at least one text a day. I wouldn’t sit there waiting for him to text first though, not sure If you have you texted him?

Lifeisabeach09 · 30/08/2020 12:23

Depends. How long have you been together and are you normally in contact daily?
I, personally, wouldn't want my bf to forget me whilst on holiday.

Jellycatspyjamas · 30/08/2020 12:23

I wouldn’t expect him to message me while he’s on holiday - he let you know he got there and you can catch up when he’s back. I don’t keep in touch with folk when I’m on holiday - now I’d contact my DH to check in on the kids but pre-kids I wouldn’t expect to hear from my DH unless he needed something.

Ponoka7 · 30/08/2020 12:23

@katy1213, but it's no longer 'back in the day' and he's active on WA, so speaking to other people.

ManUMum55 · 30/08/2020 12:25

If he wanted to message you OP he would have. Do think about that.

Irelate · 30/08/2020 12:26

Completely understand being annoyed, but from the other side there's nothing worse than pressure to keep in touch when one is on holiday. Leave him be.

LonginesPrime · 30/08/2020 12:28

OP, do you actually mean 'annoyed'?

Because unless you're trying to train him to override his own feelings, surely 'disappointed' is more appropriate?

Original poster
Spring202 · 30/08/2020 12:32

@Ponoka7

Your a bit, out of sigh out of mind, aren't you? How long have you been together and how is he normally for keeping in touch?
I guess being out of sight and out of mind is the bit that gets me thinking. We've been together 18 months and we speak or msg a few times a week. We only get chance to see each other every other weekend.
OP posts:
psychomath · 30/08/2020 12:37

If you only message a few times a week anyway then I don't think it's that big a deal - you'd expect to have a bit less contact while he's away as he's probably busy. If you normally messaged each other throughout each day and he suddenly went silent, that would be more concerning.

Original poster
Spring202 · 30/08/2020 12:38

@Jellycatspyjamas

I wouldn’t expect him to message me while he’s on holiday - he let you know he got there and you can catch up when he’s back. I don’t keep in touch with folk when I’m on holiday - now I’d contact my DH to check in on the kids but pre-kids I wouldn’t expect to hear from my DH unless he needed something.
I see your point and I enjoy my own time too. He called me regularly when I was on holiday with my DC and he was at home though.
OP posts:
ImaWomAnnotaWomEn · 30/08/2020 12:39

I think I'd be a bit put out yeah, especially if I'd seen him active on Whatsapp. Only takes a minute to say hi, miss you or whatever.

gutentag1 · 30/08/2020 12:41

I'd be annoyed if he was on WhatsApp a lot and hasn't sent you the occasional text.

Sirzy · 30/08/2020 12:43

If you normally only communicate a couple of times a week then no I wouldn’t expect contact while on holiday.

Original poster
Spring202 · 30/08/2020 12:44

@LonginesPrime

OP, do you actually mean 'annoyed'?

Because unless you're trying to train him to override his own feelings, surely 'disappointed' is more appropriate?

I'm definitely no man trainer Grin I don't want to be with someone who needs to be reminded to miss me even when he's busy. Maybe my thread should have asked AIBU to expect my BF to think of me even when he's busy or having fun.
OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 30/08/2020 12:45

You only see each other every other weekend? Then I wouldn’t expect a message.
If you lived together or had kids together then I would.

nosswith · 30/08/2020 12:46

Other than to say arrived OK I would not expect any more messages. I would be more concerned about posting messages on social media saying you are on holiday, as an invitation to burglars.

Histrionicz · 30/08/2020 12:47

Have you attempted to message him and he’s ignored you?

I’d expect a few messages back and forth, especially if you were due to be there.

AskingforaBaskin · 30/08/2020 12:49

For a relationship that casual at 18 months I wouldn't expect anything.

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