To say no to extra Christmas guests? (Sort of light-hearted)

[Mincingfuckdragon2]

For many of the last 10 or so years, one of my uncles (in his 60s) has asked for an invitation for himself, his spouse and his two children (my cousins) to my immediate family's Christmas day. Usually between 12 and 20 people otherwise attend (my parents, brothers, sisters, BILs and SILs and nieces/nephews, and occasionally another of my (many) uncles and his partner who are good fun and whom we enjoy seeing).

About half the time an invitation has been extended to him and his family (upon his request). When they attend, they just turn up and do not contribute to said Christmas day (ie no wine/flowers/offer to bring pudding etc). And this is a bit harsh - but they are all so jolly boring and their sole conversational topics are themselves and complaining about various things. They would not be invited unless they asked to attend.

Christmas dinner is at my house this year so I'm quite sure he's going to ask me if he, his spouse and his (mid 30s) children can come.

I can afford to have them join us and we have enough room. But I want to say no because they add very little to the day and I think they all have a bit of a brass neck. For context, my uncle also does the following regularly:

• asks various family members for free work/legal advice for himself and his children (he is reasonably well off and could afford to pay, but I think he sees it as his 'right' to get things for free and never offers to even give a bottle of wine. I've personally done about £4000 worth of work for his children in the last few years at his request. I don't really mind this as I have time and the work is not hard and they are my cousins after all - although the expectation is a bit irritating. He never says thank you either and neither do his children);

• invites himself and his spouse to stay at various family members' homes for the weekend/long weekend (which is rude in itself) and then expects to be waited on: eg asks for tea/coffee rather than making own, never offers to buy or cook dinner.

So WIBU to say no, they can't come? I just think they are jolly rude in many respects and they're boring and I don't want them there stamps foot and pouts. No-one else who is coming for Christmas wants then there either for similar reasons to mine.

Or should I just bite my tongue and be a grown up about it? I do think he and his children really enjoy having a big family Christmas day with us (he has no grandchildren) and they have nowhere else to go - so I feel a bit mean saying no.

Thanks for all the messages. To respond to a few questions:

• I wouldn't refuse to invite them just because they're a bit boring - as pps have said, they're family. It's the cumulative effect of the things listed that is bothering me.

• I’ve done the work because they get a lot of value from it and it's comparatively not a huge inconvenience for me. We are financially and educationally privileged and I think we have a duty to help family members who do not (for whatever reason) enjoy the same benefits. Again, I don't really seethe about doing the work itself - although I am irritated by the sum of their behaviour.

• Our house is pretty big (#notaveryhumblebrag) - we have a set person per square metre rule here (not UK) so I can have 25 people in our main dining area. As pps have said though, it's possible things will change before Christmas so I can probably use this as an excuse at least for the coming Christmas.

I think i will go with saying no this year - but yes in future if they ask, subject to COVID gathering rules not changing and subject to them bringing a few specified bottles of wine. I'll be asking them to help a little with prep too. That is fair I think, and means they can still be included without taking advantage.

Thanks for the advice, all - it is helpful. I think I can move beyond my mild irritation now .

You could say no, no reason to say why and add but maybe it should be your turn to host, seeing we haven't been to yours for Christmas day. We could all come to you.
I bet he backtracks and finds other places to be in no time.

It sounds as though your uncle has a large enough group to do their own Christmas celebrations. I think large very extended family gatherings at Christmas this year are a foolish idea.