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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not feel supported on passing a professional qualification

51 replies

Keaveny · 28/08/2020 20:09

I’ve used the lockdown to study for some professional qualifications that have given me some letters after my name. It’s taken about five or six months but also based on several years of work experience.

DP has not been terribly supportive throughout, saying it took up some evenings and weekends.

I found out the result today and l’ve passed and I messaged DP. Am I being needy to expect to be congratulated on DP coming home from work today? He launched into a talk of how his work went today and some office politics. I had to remind him of my news.

Am I being unreasonable and needy or not unreasonable to be congratulated fairly early this evening?

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 28/08/2020 20:15

Congratulations on your qualification!!

Of course you're not needy. He should be pleased for you and make it clear that he is pleased. Hes a bit of a prat if he cant even pretend to be pleased for you.

My DP spent much of last year doing a really in-depth course that took up a lot of time that we would normally have spent together. I was so pleased when he finished, but i was happy for him, because hed worked so hard to achieve it.

MysweetAudrina · 28/08/2020 20:16

Definitely nbu. I took some professional exams a few years ago and it took up a lot of my spare time. Dh was always the first to congratulate me and when I did particularly well in a few of them he took me out to dinner to celebrate and told everyone how good I was and how proud he was of me. It wasn't always easy with both of us working full time a and small kids too so there were stressful times but overall he was supportive.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 28/08/2020 20:17

Congratulations! What letters have you got? Can you now negotiate a pay rise?

Original poster
Keaveny · 28/08/2020 20:18

Thanks, I achieved Chartered Engineer status for context which I think is a biggish thing

OP posts:
Original poster
Keaveny · 28/08/2020 20:19

Or at least a biggish thing for me

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 28/08/2020 20:19

Sounds like he feels threatened (the alternative is that he's a self-centred prick). Have you asked why he's not congratulated you?

Mrsjayy · 28/08/2020 20:20

Congratulations on your new qualifications. You must .be proud of your selfSmile. Your partner not even having the decency to acknowledge your achievements is low and of course you are not being needy,he clearly thinks his job is much more important!

billy1966 · 28/08/2020 20:20

Big congratulations.

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

Is this just how your relationship is?

If so, you can't be surprised.

Personally I believe supporting each other as best we can is fundamental to a happy, healthy relationship....

I appreciate that isn't always the case.

Well done, you used a very stressful few months well...unlike others who just gained a Covid stone🤔😭🤣

mynameiscalypso · 28/08/2020 20:20

I work with a lot of engineers and getting chartered is a massive thing - huge well done!

MaskingForIt · 28/08/2020 20:21

@Keaveny

Thanks, I achieved Chartered Engineer status for context which I think is a biggish thing
Getting chartered is massive! Well done you!
Daisychainsandglitter · 28/08/2020 20:21

Congratulations OP. I fully qualified in my profession about 5 years ago and all in all it was about 5 years of hard slog!
My DH was really supportive even though it took up so much of my spare time.
I'd be really upset in your shoes and would feel unsupported too. YANBU

powershowerforanhour · 28/08/2020 20:22

Well done you that is a proper biggins thing! Buy yourself flowers and bubbles tomorrow if he hasn't got you any. Fuck I'd buy myself a congratulations card.

powershowerforanhour · 28/08/2020 20:23

Biggish thing.

Original poster
Keaveny · 28/08/2020 20:23

My DP’s argument is that I’m seeking external validation (which I guess a qualification is) but it has made me feel good and I’m pleased.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 28/08/2020 20:25

Good god he could muster up a well done love Hmm which is a loving supportive thing to do !

Whatdowehaveherethen · 28/08/2020 20:26

I'm sorry OP but chartered engineer status isn't a biggish thing. Its huge. Congratulations! You absolutely deserve to celebrate and I'm sorry DP hasn't been supportive.

Glittertwins · 28/08/2020 20:26

Charter status is a big deal! Go treat yourself

Whatdowehaveherethen · 28/08/2020 20:27

External validation? Sorry. He's a prick.

FirstOfficerDouglas · 28/08/2020 20:29

Wow - congratulations OP. I am always impressed by someone who has the self-discipline to do something like that. Really, very well done indeed! (And YANBU - DP should be pleased for you and proud of you)

DameFanny · 28/08/2020 20:31

What does your DP do for a living? It sounds like he resents your success?

Blanca87 · 28/08/2020 20:31

Go you. ♥️🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

ItsIslandTime · 28/08/2020 20:32

🥳Well fine OP.

Was it a given that you were going to pass? It's not an excuse for his shabby behaviour but if he has known all along that you were going to pass maybe that would explain his indifference.
Have you anyone else you can tell? My Mum would be bursting with pride if I did something like you've done.

MrsKypp · 28/08/2020 20:34

Congratulations! That's great news and definitely an achievement worth celebrating!!!! It sounds brilliant!

Maybe he's feeling a bit low?

Original poster
Keaveny · 28/08/2020 20:46

Thanks everyone. My Mum and Dad are pretty proud of me

OP posts:
michelle1504 · 28/08/2020 21:00

Congratulations!

No, you're not being unreasonable. I would be pissed off if my partner didn't make a bit of a fuss or at least congratulated me and meant it. Does he perhaps feel threatened by or jealous of your success?

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