To not feel supported on passing a professional qualification

[Keaveny]

I’ve used the lockdown to study for some professional qualifications that have given me some letters after my name. It’s taken about five or six months but also based on several years of work experience.

DP has not been terribly supportive throughout, saying it took up some evenings and weekends.

I found out the result today and l’ve passed and I messaged DP. Am I being needy to expect to be congratulated on DP coming home from work today? He launched into a talk of how his work went today and some office politics. I had to remind him of my news.

Am I being unreasonable and needy or not unreasonable to be congratulated fairly early this evening?

Congratulations.
My late father was a Chartered Mechanical Engineer. He would have been proud of you.

Well he is a miserable git isn't he - sounds jealous or ignorant - neither is pleasant.

Well done!!

I did the nebosh general certificate last year during a really shitty time while my Mum was v poorly and passed both parts first time flying colours having gone in cold and not working in the arena already. It has an atrocious pass both first time rate so was well chuffed and so was DH.

Time for a treat for your hard work

Congratulations. Chartered status takes hard work is indeed a big deal, you have everything right to feel proud of your achievement.

It is not unreasonable to want people close to us to be happy for us when we succeed.

Well done. That is an achievement. Your DH is being miserable and unsupportive

Sounds to me as though someone seems to be feeling your attention is being diverted from them, and doesn't like it. Either that, or the fact of your professional and financial independence is somehow perceived as a threat.

Evening and weekend work is life for a good many people. You've done seriously well achieving a valuable professional qualification in the face of this kind of attitude.

He is just going to have to get used to the idea. Congratulations, and I hope you're able to celebrate as you deserve.

Wowzers, that's a MASSIVE thing!! Well done!!

Getting Chartered is a very big deal! Congratulations

Your partner is a prick. Is he emvious of your success and good career? Im sure there are much nicer men out there for you.

That's amazing, tell everyone!

Congratulations!!

That really is an amazing achievement, you should be popping bottles.

And your dp needs to be pulled up on his behaviour, he should be happy for you not pudding on your parade.

OP, yanbu. At all.

My husband did something similar a few years ago. I resented it occasionally, because he sometimes used it as an excuse to not do any housework or spend time with the kids (but watching 3 hours of TV was ok apparently).

And I still managed to be very excited for him when he passed - because it was a huge deal for him and he studied hard. I arranged a dinner out and for the children to buy him a token gift.

Your husband is being an arse. I'm sorry. I'm proud of you FWIW

Is your husband normally this dismissive if your achievements.....?

Is he a sexist pig? Jealous of anything that takes your role away from being a wifey? No

I came from a family of professional engineers (not one myself which is a blessing to the profession ).... Chartership is huge!!

We'll done!

External validation..eh isn't that what qualifications are?🙄

Is he dim?

Have you children?
If not, think about having children with someone so unsupportive.

Again, congratulations

Congratulations

Well done! You definitely need to celebrate that. Can you go out for a meal with your parents or friends who are genuinely happy for you? DP can babysit/stay home being miserable! You can’t just let it pass without marking it!

He sounds jealous. Twat.

Gosh, I'd be looking to move on. I'm in a horrendous mood today, really stressed, so I may be being unreasonable. However, someone devaluing your work and achievement, not even recognising it... if I had to ask him why he's not pleased, how will we celebrate etc, frankly I'd rather put the effort into leaving him.

@Keaveny

My DP’s argument is that I’m seeking external validation (which I guess a qualification is) but it has made me feel good and I’m pleased.

Does he not have any qualifications himself?

That's the whole point - you've been validated by the Institute as being good enough to carry the letters.

Congratulations Keaveny
That's a fabulous achievement, well done!

I might be passive aggressive, but if I were you, I'd get in a couple of bottles of champagne and some lovely party food. I'd invite my friends and family around to the garden for a party, get a cake and put up a banner 'congratulations to me!' I wouldn't even tell him they're coming, never mind invite him.
You have to celebrate yourself OP! Well done!

Thanks everyone. I think part of it is that my partner doesn't really understand the importance of becoming chartered to an engineer, as it's not a big thing in his field.

He was quite apologetic this morning and he has baked me a cake.

I'm glad he has been apologetic. I'd have been annoyed just to hear the office politics of anyone else's workplace.

My DP’s argument is that I’m seeking external validation (which I guess a qualification is) but it has made me feel good and I’m pleased.

Yeah. And?

Glad he's been apologetic. He should be.

I sympathise though. I don't tell my twat father anything about academic successes. He hates studying so no-one else is allowed to be good at it or spend time on it.

Wow, congratulations OP! That's absolutely massive. I don't even know you and I feel proud of you!

@Keaveny

Thanks everyone. I think part of it is that my partner doesn't really understand the importance of becoming chartered to an engineer, as it's not a big thing in his field.

He was quite apologetic this morning and he has baked me a cake.

I hope you refused to thank him for it, as that would be him expecting external validation for his baking abilities.

From one Chartered Engineer to another, very well done.

I know how much time, effort, blood, sweat and tears will have gone into attaining that achievement.

I take my hat off to you.

Well done.

Be proud and happy.

No one can take that away from you.