Is DH U or is my mother?

[makingbacon]

It was my mums birthday yesterday. On Tuesday I ordered a card online, signed from my, DH and our DC, which was posted first class so I was expecting it to get to my mum at some point on Thursday.

On Thursday (yesterday) I tried to call her in the morning to say happy birthday but we kept missing each other's calls (work) so ended up texting her happy birthday. This morning I texted her asking if she'd received our card, she said no and also said she was extremely disappointed that my DH didn't text her yesterday to say happy birthday??!!!!? And then did the "oh never mind" guilt trip. I said the card was signed from all of us and was hoping it would have been there by now and no idea why he'd need to send a text to his MIL when he already sent a card? Or AIBU and he should have text her? They're not particularly close if that helps.

I text my mums new husband on his birthday but have never sent him a card.

Was she maybe thinking that because she said the card hadn't come, he should have then text to acknowledge it?

I dunno though because it wouldn't dawn on my mam to be annoyed if dh didn't text her!

However, I would also never just send a card on her birthday!

I wouldn’t dream of expecting a birthday text from my son in law. A card is fine and I wouldn’t be upset if it was late. You mother is not being grown up about things.

My husband and me always text the others parents happy bday and give a card and gift from us all but I suppose we are fairly close.

i dont even care if my own mother doesn't text me on my birthday, let alone my mother in law and vice versa, because i'm adult and i understand life is busy.

She’s sore because her card didn’t come on time and wants some attention. Does she ever call or text your husband (i.e. just to speak to him; not chatting briefly when he answers the phone) when it’s not one of their birthdays? Unless she does, she’s weird to think it will suddenly change one day a year.

I also find the ‘Oh, you should have sent the card at least a week in advance’ responses a bit po-faced. First class on a Tuesday in time for Thursday would usually be fine.

@Myneighboursnorlax

But why would he? Mine wouldn't and I wouldn't text his dad. Seems superfluous.

@MrsTerryPratchett yeah I can see based on all the other replies too that everyone else feels that way. In my family we always do separate texts (not separate cards, we aren’t that weird) so we’ll both text our parents on their birthdays, and on our birthdays we’ll get a text from all four of our parents individually (but only two cards). I guess it’s just what I’m used to, and because DH and his family are like it too, I’ve just assumed that was the normal way. I genuinely find it quite interesting that most people think it’s weird and unnecessary!

It's funny isn't it? I remember sitting in the pub with a mate and talking about our parents. I saw mine every Sunday for dinner and he saw his once a year. We both thought the other was properly weird!

Your Mum is being ridiculous

@Myneighboursnorlax

But why would he? Mine wouldn't and I wouldn't text his dad. Seems superfluous.

@MrsTerryPratchett yeah I can see based on all the other replies too that everyone else feels that way. In my family we always do separate texts (not separate cards, we aren’t that weird) so we’ll both text our parents on their birthdays, and on our birthdays we’ll get a text from all four of our parents individually (but only two cards). I guess it’s just what I’m used to, and because DH and his family are like it too, I’ve just assumed that was the normal way. I genuinely find it quite interesting that most people think it’s weird and unnecessary!

Same here.

You're not alone!

Your mum is being childish and unreasonable.

I'm not entirely sure when my ILs bdays are.

Husband always sorts a card from all of us & phones on the day.

They send me a card, but don't phone me.

I don't text my MIL, DH doesn't text my Mum on these occasions. All tend to see MIL as her birthday is just before Christmas but not necessarily the other way round.

I think your mum was possibly already upset ( feeling unappreciated) when you eventually texted thinking no one had remembered ( the card not having arrived in time) and keep missing your calls. There was no reason for your DH to text also - what she may have actually wanted was you to text earlier.

Interesting. I wouldn’t text my mum or any close family member to wish them Happy Birthday - I would always ring. I’m in my 50s though, so maybe it’s a generational thing. I text my friends though. I’d also expect a First Class letter to arrive within two days.

My MIL doesn't have a phone, but even so I have no idea when her birthday is.

I'm in my 50s too, late 50s. Always text and ring & always allow a week for a birthday card, First Class.

She’s annoyed that basically her birthday went unacknowledged aside from a text from you. The card was clearly late. In all honesty it sounds a bit shit, but I guess it depends how awesome she is and how much she puts herself out for you in other ways. My mum is great and would make no fuss, but I would always want to make it special for her.

Your mum is def unreasonable.

My mum never expected a card from her sons until they had wives and then blamed the wives if it was late or forgotten. Woe betide the daughters if they forgot though. Which was also very wrong.

It was my birthday yesterday too. All my cards arrived today and I was very happy that people had bothered to send them. My mother and sister texted me yesterday but didn't call, because they knew I'd be working. We made a fuss of my mother a couple of weeks ago for her 90th, but other adults' birthdays aren't really considered that ... noteworthy I guess, unless they end in a zero. So I think your mother IBU.

Your mother is being VU and acting like a child.

I text my in-laws as well as my husband but I very much doubt my husband does. He might put a post or comment on Facebook if he notices its their birthday but thats it.

dh always texts or calls my dm on her birthday. I never text or call his dm. However, my parents always give him a presents and card for his birthday whereas the nearest I ever got to getting anything from mil was about 4 months before my 40th, her telling me about the weekend away they had given her other dil for her 40th. I didn't even get a card. And she hates her other dil!

She’s being very silly and demanding. Does she want the kids to also text? OTT.

Thanks everyone for the validation! I didn't think me or DH were being unreasonable, but I do accept I should have probably ordered the card earlier to guarantee it got there in time, but it's not like she didn't hear anything from us on her birthday as I tried to call her and texted her.

Sounds like your mother's immature.

In my family, we wouldn't expect separate texts, but even if she thought to herself, "Hm, why didn't makingbacon's partner text me?", it's odd for her to bother you about it!

Don’t give it another thought it’s her not OH