Tinder is just the worst place to find a relationship

[OhdearSummersOver]

Lots of matches.
Some chat a little but most just want sex.
Some very grim men on there.

AIBU - Tinder is great for finding a relationship

YANBU - is a site for finding casual sex

I was on tinder for about four years and had many many dates - some genuinely nice people, some dickheads. I met my partner on there and we’ve been together 3 and a half years, we live together and life is lovely.

It’s just a way to increase the amount of people you meet and talk to. Chances are, they won’t be ‘the one’ but that goes for any method of meeting people.

I met my DH on tinder 7 years ago. Now have 2 DCs too. We were mid/late 20s at the time and I’ve also heard that it’s quite different these days; likewise I also still know of people who have had success finding good eggs too!

I met my husband on tinder but that was in 2014. There were definitely some weirdos and people just looking for hookups then but also people looking for LTR. Not sure if it's changed?

My brother met his wife on tinder tgeuve been together years and have kids. I met my husband on pof, 12 years together now. Think its partly luck , dh was the second person I met on there. Think it takes time and sometimes meeting a few people

I met my partner on Tinder, I'm 32 and he's 34 - we've been together a year. TBH I didn't get many creepers, must have been lucky. I remember being on plenty of fish when I was 25 and it was full of sleaze bags.

I've never understood the Tinder bashing.. I met my husband on there (who is totally normal) and I also had a few dates with some really nice guys before that.

Maybe people should be more picky then they won't match with weirdos?!

It is truly awful and I've deleted it after a few weeks.

Actually, I got banned by Tinder first time round and because I was talking to quite a decent guy (who I actually had a nice date with) I rejoined using a different email address and the paid version. By that time, I was back in my home city and it was purely mutant men asking "Have you got any more pics?" A couple of ok chatters but too scared to meet up (citing excuses about the weather and a fear of travelling on public transport).

First time around, when I was away from home, there were a lot more decent guys but also some odd ones - one asked me if I was a man or a woman, and another told me "I think you are a fake profile". A couple simply messaged me saying "I want to you", after which I put up a message saying please no casual sex requests, looking for dating only. Shortly after that, my account was banned. Could be that someone complained about me, because I think Tinder ban people without question.

Its awful, truly awful. Fails to protect women from creepy requests and bans them for trying to avoid them.

I won't be doing any more online dating, due to the low standard of men in the small Scottish city that I live in. Its truly depressing.

@IncandescentSilver

It is truly awful and I've deleted it after a few weeks.

Actually, I got banned by Tinder first time round and because I was talking to quite a decent guy (who I actually had a nice date with) I rejoined using a different email address and the paid version. By that time, I was back in my home city and it was purely mutant men asking "Have you got any more pics?" A couple of ok chatters but too scared to meet up (citing excuses about the weather and a fear of travelling on public transport).

First time around, when I was away from home, there were a lot more decent guys but also some odd ones - one asked me if I was a man or a woman, and another told me "I think you are a fake profile". A couple simply messaged me saying "I want to you", after which I put up a message saying please no casual sex requests, looking for dating only. Shortly after that, my account was banned. Could be that someone complained about me, because I think Tinder ban people without question.

Its awful, truly awful. Fails to protect women from creepy requests and bans them for trying to avoid them.

I won't be doing any more online dating, due to the low standard of men in the small Scottish city that I live in. Its truly depressing.

Try bumble. Men can’t message you unless you message them first

I found my DP on tinder. Met my ex on bumble which I found waaaaay worse. I did OLD on & off for awhile and had some good dates - some less so- and met an interesting variety of people. I was pretty fussy though, and I knew I'd be wading through more shit than a full septic tank holds to find anyone interesting.

@Desperado24 - the you have to message men first thing makes Bumble soul destroying though.

Desperado24 Try bumble. Men can’t message you unless you message them first

I don't want to message men first. I'm not doing online dating ever again. I have plenty of hobbies, so when they resume, I will stick to meeting people in real life.

If I lived in the south of England, or maybe even the north of England, I'm sure online dating would be fine. You have no idea how degradingly and consistently awful it is here.

I find Tinder to be 99% single mums once you start looking over the age of 30, who unfortunately bash single men with no children in their about me section because they won't date them and for the life of them, can't understand what the problem is with dating them when they have got a couple of young kids which take up the majority of their time. They get all defensive and say if your not man enough to handle my kids then it's your problem, or if your to selfish to date someone with kids then swipe left, it genuinely is quite hilarious they think they are some sort of special catch, I appreciate that they are your world and they are amazing but very few blokes want to be step dad to someone else's kids and all the usual problems/hassle/complications that come with it, they would much rather just start their own family up from scratch and put all their time/effort/money into that and not join a ready made one.

One of my best friends met her current boyfriend on Tinder, they've been together just over 2 years and bought their first house together earlier this year. I personally wasn't so lucky and had a couple of disastrous dates and deleted it 🤣

@IncandescentSilver

Desperado24 Try bumble. Men can’t message you unless you message them first

I don't want to message men first. I'm not doing online dating ever again. I have plenty of hobbies, so when they resume, I will stick to meeting people in real life.

If I lived in the south of England, or maybe even the north of England, I'm sure online dating would be fine. You have no idea how degradingly and consistently awful it is here.

Ok. Was only trying to offer an alternative. If your only experience of OLD is tinder then you really haven’t given it a fair crack or got a real idea of what about.

Incidentally- I live somewhere very small and have done my whole life. Every date I went on the person I met knew a family member or friend of mine.

IN my experience
Tinder - casual sex
PoF - casual sex
Bumble - people looking for a relationship
Match - people looking for a relationship
Hinge - casual sex
Eharmony - people really looking for a relationship
Elite singles - people who are very picky
Fabswinger - sex on tap

I had loads of dates from Tinder and POF. A couple from Bumble. One with a lovely lady from Elite singles and one with my now wife from match.

I wouldn’t rule it out completely just based on tinder

Good luck

Im with someone from tinder. I've met a few nice guys on there. Also know at least two other people in tinder relationships. All people in their twenties.

I think if you are a person who sees sex as a thing that you pay a man in return for quick exclusivity leading to a lifelong commitment, then Tinder will disappoint you. This is especially true if you're a sensitive type who doesn't like to feel that you may not meet the expectations of a prospective partner.

If you see it as a pleasant activity that, over time, can lead to a committed relationship, but even if it doesn't it was still lovely, then Tinder is great. Especially if you're secure in yourself and aren't looking for a man's immediate devotion as a source of validation and self worth.

I met my DP on tinder and we have been together 5 years. The first year of dating was very very casual, he was being auditioned and he knew it. He was auditioning me as well, and I had no problem with it. For us, it worked well and we continue to be very happy together.

Ive been to 6 tinder weddings so far, and have 2 lined up for next year, all under 30.

I met my husband on match.

@OhdearSummersOver I was 37 and my now wife 33. We now have two children, 4 and 20 months

@Desperado24

Thank's for that list - I will try an alternative to Tinder

'IN my experience
Tinder - casual sex
PoF - casual sex
Bumble - people looking for a relationship
Match - people looking for a relationship
Hinge - casual sex
Eharmony - people really looking for a relationship
Elite singles - people who are very picky
Fabswinger - sex on tap'

Quite a mixed bag of responses then.

Time to try another dating site. I think probably just the picture with little to go on doesn't help. Not a prude at all but just not into casual sex or people who think they can pick someone up with minimum effort for sex. Not judging people that have pick ups/casual sex just not my bag.

@MrsBunny2018

LOL 'Maybe people should be more picky then they won't match with weirdos?!' it is extremely difficult to tell from a picture if the person is a 'weirdo' as you put it...!

Met DP on tinder and been together for years so YABU.. did have sex on the first date but turns out he was very good at it so I wanted to see him again Not the version of events i tell my mother, mind you

@OhdearSummersOver maybe it's because I didn't just base it on their pictures, I went off their profile bio too.

I met my DP on tinder and 2 babies later we are very happy, like PP said I just wouldn't engage in anyone who came across badly, plus I think you can often tell before you swipe in a lot of cases!