Could do with a bit of outside perspective on an issue I’m currently having with my DS father. DS is 11, separated from father for 7 years, share 50/50 custody whereby weekends and week days are split and alternate in a 2 week rotation. We do not speak, our communication is via text due to abuse hurled at me through the years.
My DS has always attended an afterschool service, they collect from school, feed him and do his homework with him. I collect after work at 5.45pm.
This service is vital for me, I work a stressful job, very long hours but the remuneration and satisfaction make it worth it. I live alone, claim no benefits or maintenance and provide my son with a beautiful home in a lovely area.
The afterschool service we were using is now not being offered this year so I have booked him into an alternative service which has a great reputation. While DS is not overly excited about it, he also is not fussed as he is a very sociable kid and this has always been his routine.
His father is now refusing to send him to the service, citing Covid as the reason which to me is not a justification, we live an area with very low level of cases and both his school and afterschool service are following all public health guidelines. Neither of our households have anyone considered at risk and society as a whole have made so many sacrifices in part to ensure that children can return to school safely. I personally believe that this is mostly about the money – he does not want to pay for child care when he has a GF sitting at home, not working, claiming benefits who can do it.
DS father has INFORMED me that his girlfriend will be collecting our son from school every day, even on my days. (He has been with his girlfriend approx 3.5years, they live together and have a child about 1.5yrs. She also has another child from previous relationship.)
I’m not comfortable with this at all. Reliable, professional childcare is something I need to continue to progress my career. I need the knowledge and security that my son is well looked after by professionals when I am at work. I’m not comfortable with my son spending all of his time in that house either for various reasons, particularly during my contact time. Also, as all of DS recreational activities are now cancelled for the year, it will provide some sort of social outlet for him. He will be with the same 4 children in the afterschool every day so exposure to Covid not massively increased.
The new service will only take bookings for the same days every week and therefore cannot accommodate the rotation of days that we currently have in place.
But his father has dug his heels in and is refusing. I have made an appointment with my solicitor for Monday to reassess custody arrangement as DS father has made it such that I will now need to push for set days in order to avail of the service.
I just don’t understand why he feels he can change the status quo like this, it’s so unnecessary and will now likely end up in court. I’ve never fought him for contact and have never taken a penny from him in maintenance.
I guess I’m wondering, AIBU to be totally uncomfortable and pissed off that he is causing this unnecessary drama and any advice/opinions any of you might have would be appreciated.