To ask DH to contribute to childcare?

[Changeditagain]

Name changed as some personal info given.

When dc was born dh wanted his parents to give childcare as they take care of grandchildren in the family. Their last grandchild is 7 years older than our dc and mil and fil struggle to walk/ lift plus some of my own issues!
I sold nursery to dh as I said I'd be paying it wouldn't affect his wage (I was on £800 pcm more than him so no issue).

I lost my job just before COVID-19.

I now have a new job which isn't as well paid so I earn less than him.

He pays out £300 a month to his ex for his eldest child support.

Childcare is £850 a month.

All bills, mortgage etc are split in half so that is taken care of through a joint account.

I have a dog and pay the medication bills/ vets bills/ food as I see it as my dog my choice and a prior agreement.

He would pay half for childcare if I told him to but I feel bad asking. He doesn't spend wisely and will waste money on crap gadgets and alcohol whereas I choose to spend most of my money on dc's clothes/ toys.

AIBU to ask for half when he never wanted paid for childcare in the first place?

If I don't I'll be pissed off he's left with money to play with while I have to be cautious. But on the other hand think he should contribute.

TIA

Which is a valid point, but then why ask a question that was covered quote clearly.
And if she's earning £800 more than him she should be paying more of the bills than him. They're paying half half on everything else so it's probably works or right anyway. Now finances have changed obv who pays what should too
I was trying to make the point that he should have been contributing anyway. She clearly pays for everything child related and that's just wrong. When she was earning more then it should have been proportionate to their salaries .

My DH earns significantly more than me but that doesn't mean I shouldn't contribute to ALL household costs inc. childcare.

If they suddenly can't afford the childcare because he refuses to contribute I'd bet money on it having zero impact on his life/career. Childcare costs absolutely should be shared. There's something very telling when that cost/responsibility falls solely on mum.

Men like this are the lowest of the low.

I sold nursery to dh as I said I'd be paying it wouldn't affect his wage (I was on £800 pcm more than him so no issue).

I lost my job just before COVID-19.

I now have a new job which isn't as well paid so I earn less than him.

Seriously? Firstly he should not have to be 'asked' secondly, you should be able to have the conversation "as you know job has changed, my money has gone down, childcare is going in the general pot"

@MaskingForIt

AIBU to ask for half when he never wanted paid for childcare in the first place?

You’re responsible for 2.5 days of childcare each, each week.

You can put your child in a nursery for your 2.5 days, and he can decide what to do for his 2.5 days. He either pays half the nursery bill, or he asks his mum to do 2.5 days ON THE PROVISO that/when his mum is flaky, it is up to him to provide cover. He can’t ask his mum to do it, and then expect you to step in when she lets you down.

Do people in a relationship actually organise childcare like this? So at say 1pm does the person doing mornings or the person doing afternoons move the child or does the child get returned to neutral territory at lunchtime of the shared day?
If he thought his 16 to niece could have them half the summer wouls you just have to agree because it's not your time? Bizarre

Do people in a relationship actually organise childcare like this?

Obviously people in a mature relationship can work it out without having to be so proscriptive, but since this cock lodger doesn’t seem to think he needs to contribute to the care of his child, it needs spelling out to him.

@MaskingForIt

Do people in a relationship actually organise childcare like this?

Obviously people in a mature relationship can work it out without having to be so proscriptive, but since this cock lodger doesn’t seem to think he needs to contribute to the care of his child, it needs spelling out to him.

The chick lodger who paid glad if everything bar childcare despite earning around 12k less when women in here are told"if you earn 10% less than him, you pay 10% less, it has to be proportionate" so was already paying more on the other bills than MN would have thought reasonable if he'd been female, so it probably evens out. And who will pay it, as op has clearly stated.

Thanks for the responses, some good ideas.

Sorry if anything sounded confusing.

We both pay £800 into a joint account monthly which covers bills/ mortgage/ food shopping.

Out of what we each have left some of his goes straight to child maintenance for his oldest child- my step child.
His Other stuff is petrol, car loan, gadgets, DVD's and alcohol.

I wouldn't be happy to split everything as he would then technically be using my money to buy the above- at least with his own money when it's gone it's gone. I don't run money down I always keep some as a back up.

I think that's where I feel bad as he buys so much crap he's skint whereas I have a bit of money saved. But I then feel bad that I have the money even though I've got it through being sensible!

God I sound ridiculous don't I.

Just to add for those that think he's a monster he's not- he gave me his £700 bonus during Covid lockdown to spend on myself for new clothes/ house bits/ the children.

I think it's my issue with guilt of his spending and being skint which I need to get over. Thank you all.

Also his parents can't have our daughter now for health reasons unless one of us is there too so nursery is the only option.

Thanks for all your help it has helped.