To ask you to teach me how to behave

[bruizer]

Tomorrow I'm going out for lunch for the first time since February.

I'm laid awake feeling like cancelling as I just don't know how to behave when I'm outdoors.

I was diagnosed with OCD in April (post natal) I've had weeks of CBT and I've leaned to control it.
However the one thing I'm struggling with is how much I should be doing outside to keep my self safe from Covid.

I mean we've all done extra things we wouldn't normally do during this pandemic.
Washing shopping, quarantine mail, etc etc so I'm genuinely struggling to find a line of what's enough and what's extreme.

I discussed with my therapist and her response was that if if feels like OCD then it's too much, but I haven't found that helpful as surely during a pandemic we are all doing things that can feel a bit "ocd" or too much in comparison to what we would normally do?

So my main things are, when I go to the restaurant tomorrow...

Do i clean the knives and forks before using them?

Do I clean the table when I sit down?

How often do I wash my hands / use alcohol gel?
So if I get passed a drink do I sanitise then as someone has touched my glass?

What about when the food comes and if I touch the plate. Do I sanitise again then as someone has touched my plate?

Do I take a spray to spay my clothes when I leave the restaurant?

Do I shower and change when I get home?

I really really want to go to the restaurant tomorrow, but all of these thoughts are on my mind and I genuinely don't know how to behave in this sort of situation anymore.

I don't want to become ill with Covid so I'd like to be safe and do what's necessary but I honesty don't know what's necessary and what's obsessive. 😔

Maybe the easiest thing is to cancel but then how am I ever going to recover if I keep avoiding places.

Please help! 😣

no to most of those - all the restaurants i've been to have been clean.
Clean tables/fresh linen between diners, settings not left out, cutlery is bought to you after you are seated and have ordered. Food is not served on dirty plates, nor drinks in dirty glasses (was it ever?)

There will be hand sanitizer as you enter, some restaurants have it on the table as well. (confusingly one restaurant it was in a dispenser that made me think it was a condiment). You sound as if you will be carrying some anyway. Staff will be wearing masks or visors, tables have been well spaced wherever i've been.

I do little more than wash my hands when i get home - but shower and change if it makes you feel more comfortable.

Don't go if you're not up to it/it's going to make you unhappy.

But If you do, remember that even if you touch a covid-infected surface you then have to transfer the virus into an orifice to become infected. And also viral load is important. Disinfecting the cutlery and drinking glass is wholly unnecessary and if people were catching this from forks and glasses, restaurants wouldn't even be open. Maintain social distance and good hand hygiene, mask on when not eating, and you're doing the most you can to protect yourself and others should you choose to go to a restaurant.

But if you're not OK about it, just don't go.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

no to most of those - all the restaurants i've been to have been clean. Clean tables/fresh linen between diners, settings not left out, cutlery is bought to you after you are seated and have ordered. Food is not served on dirty plates, nor drinks in dirty glasses (was it ever?)

There will be hand sanitizer as you enter, some restaurants have it on the table as well. (confusingly one restaurant it was in a dispenser that made me think it was a condiment). You sound as if you will be carrying some anyway. Staff will be wearing masks or visors, tables have been well spaced wherever i've been.

I do little more than wash my hands when i get home - but shower and change if it makes you feel more comfortable.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

But how often do you sanitise whilst out! Every time you touch something?

@toddlingtwo

Don't go if you're not up to it/it's going to make you unhappy.

But If you do, remember that even if you touch a covid-infected surface you then have to transfer the virus into an orifice to become infected. And also viral load is important. Disinfecting the cutlery and drinking glass is wholly unnecessary and if people were catching this from forks and glasses, restaurants wouldn't even be open. Maintain social distance and good hand hygiene, mask on when not eating, and you're doing the most you can to protect yourself and others should you choose to go to a restaurant.

But if you're not OK about it, just don't go.

@toddlingtwo

I really really want to go. I just seem to have lost touch with what's normal and how I should be acting.

I probably don't sanitise as much as I ought to - but when I've touched something I think might be dirty/when I remember.

At a restaurant, I would probably sanitise as I enter the restaurant
If I go to the loo I'd sanitise my hands once I returned to the table (I'd have touched things on my way back)
Probably sanitise as I leave.

Have a nice time, enjoy the meal

Go to the restaurant and enjoy yourself. Your clothes don't need to be sprayed. The utensils don't need to be sanitised. The table will be fine. You will be perfectly fine. Get out there and live your life.

I sanitize my hands as I enter the restaurant and then again just before eating. And then as I leave the table.
Take a spare mask in a sealed bag so you can put a clean one on after eating.
If you have a plan you should feel better.
Maybe a glass of wine to relax you a little?
Restaurants I've been to have all been super clean.
Try and go and enjoy yourself.

Hey, I would probably just sanitise hands on the way in and give them a really good wash when I get home.

I would also avoid putting your hands in your mouth/rubbing your eyes etc in the mean time.

Enjoy your meal :)

I agree with no to those things. Sanitise on entry and exit and wash your hands thoroughly when you get home. Keep a space between you and others too obviously. Otherwise, you will be fine.

Enjoy!

If you were constantly sanitising and wiping things before covid it would be a bit much but I don't think anyone would think it was weird now, its the people wearing a thong as a mask and snorkel to the supermarkets that are classed as weird!

Sanitise your hands when you enter and leave the restaurant and nothing else. The tables and chairs all get cleaned between customers. Wear a mask when you enter and take it off when you sit at your table and then put it back on when you stand up to leave. Going out for the first time is the hardest and strangest but then you get used to it. I'm in Scotland and we have to give our name and phone number when we go to any restaurant or cafe but I don't know if that's throughout the UK

@MamaSloth

I'm in Scotland and we have to give our name and phone number when we go to any restaurant or cafe but I don't know if that's throughout the UK

I thought this was the case in England too for track and trace, but I haven't been out yet so I'm not certain .

Do i clean the knives and forks before using them?
No. We sanitize every item of cutlery and then wrap them, whilst wear gloves.

Do I clean the table when I sit down?
Again, no. As above. I apologise to guests for the damp table as it will be cleaned as they are seated.

How often do I wash my hands / use alcohol gel?
As often as you feel you need to.

So if I get passed a drink do I sanitise then as someone has touched my glass?
If you need to but we ask guests to take their drinks from a tray to minimise contact.

What about when the food comes and if I touch the plate. Do I sanitise again then as someone has touched my plate?
Again, if you feel you need to, but if it bothers you that much maybe you shouldnt eat out just yet given that your food was cooked and handled by someone else too.

Do I take a spray to spay my clothes when I leave the restaurant?
No

Do I shower and change when I get home?
If it makes you feel safer. But I am not sure that you are ready to eat out just yet.

[quote bruizer]@MamaSloth

I'm in Scotland and we have to give our name and phone number when we go to any restaurant or cafe but I don't know if that's throughout the UK

I thought this was the case in England too for track and trace, but I haven't been out yet so I'm not certain .[/quote]
Its not mandatory and it pisses me off that no one tells our guests about it. I make a point of saying "there is our QR code for track and trace" Most guests dont bother unless I mention it, but when I do they use it.....

I think there needs to be a balance of trying to limit the spread but also living with a degree of normality. I’m a teacher in Scotland and I’ve been back at school a few weeks now.

You’d never get anything done if you sanitised every time you touched something and I don’t think it would be healthy to live with such fear. Social distancing and not touching things children have touched is completely impossible in a busy classroom if you want them to have some normality and feel nurtured, not like lepers. I follow the rules of not touching my face at all during the day. Washing if I’ve touched something dirty or before I eat. I sanitise every time I sit back down at my desk before I touch any of my personal things. I get the kids to wash on entry and exit to the room, before food and then if they’ve touched their face or used a tissue. We have someone come in and sanitise tables, taps and door handles three times a day.

Here’s how I handle restaurants.

1. Sanitise on way in to restaurant. That’s to stop you bringing it in on your hands and touching their surfaces. If everyone does that then the risk of Covid being on surfaces should be low.

1. Sanitise your hands at the table before starting to eat or if you’ve returned from the loo. Don’t sanitise cutlery or glass. They should be clean and so should the table. Nothing will be on the table that has been used by previous customers. Risk of Covid being at your table will be incredibly low if all rules have been followed.

1. Sanitise on way out.

Ok so not going would be giving into a compulsion and just avoiding the situation all together.
Most restaurants are set up in a way that you can almost behave like normal.

Tables are distanced to allow social distancing, most are using disposable printed menus, cutlery is not left on tables anymore, tables are given a thorough wipe down between customers.
All you need to do is arrive and have a good time.

You do not need to wipe down a glass or plate somebody hands you as that is a little excessive.

All I do when I go out is, sanitise on entering the building, sanitise on exiting and that's about it really.
If you use the toilet I'd sanitise after leaving but that's to do with a long standing issue I have with toilet door handles!

Hope you enjoy your meal

The point of hand hygiene is that our hands touch things, some of which may have micro-organisms on (this risk is substantially reduced, of course, with the careful cleaning going on in restaurants atm). Practising hand hygiene (washing* hands on arrival and before eating and not putting hands in mouth or to face unnecessarily) will prevent you transferring any virus where it may have the potential to do harm - assuming it is present in sufficient quantity and state to do so in the first place.

*I say 'washing' rather than 'sanitising' because washing with soap and water, if you can, is always better. Sanitiser is useful for situations where these are not available.

I applaud your desire to go out and reclaim some normality, and I take your point that society has, at least in part, fallen into a bit of a collective OCD over this. I think probably a helpful guide atm is how you would naturally behave in a nasty flu or norovirus season. You wouldn't shut yourself away or sanitise your hands after everything you touch, but you would be aware there are unpleasant bugs going round and apply sensible precautions.

In addition to what's been posted, OP, I would also make sure you moisturise your hands when you get home, maybe twice an hour apart. Sanitiser is an important hygiene routine but alcohol is a drying agent, so you need to care for your skin condition, especially if you have a tendency to overdo the sanitiser.

Main thing, have a lovely meal, try to relax and enjoy the moment. No need to worry, restaurants are generally very careful atm.

Hi OP, there is a podcast on OCD stories all about OCD and the pandemic. Think it was released near the beginning of lockdown. An OCD specialist discusses this subject and what is ‘good enough’. You might find that helpful.

I personally wouldn’t do any of the things you described. However there’s a balance to be struck here between challenging yourself not to give into the compulsions and actually enjoying the meal. It would be a shame to be so anxiety ridden that you didn’t enjoy it.

Have a great time

maybe take yourself out for a coffee today and see how you feel as a 'trail run? going out can be a bit overwhelming if you haven't done it for a while. Good luck!

Avoid touching your face. Wash your hands for 20 seconds or sanitize before you eat, after the toilet, when you arrive home and when you are directed to when you arrive at a shop/restaurant.

I would wash and sanitise your hands on the way in and then on the way out. The rest is superfluous - restaurants are taking lots of precautions, so cutlery is pre-wrapped in napkins so that the servers aren’t touching it when they hand it to you etc. Tables are really well spaced out and staff wear masks.

It might help to remember that even if you touch something that has a viral load on it (itself a small probability) you won’t get Covid from that. You would have to them put your hands in your mouth, or touch your eyes etc to risk transmission. So follow the usual advice of avoiding touching your face until you’ve washed your hands after the meal and you will be well protected.

I sanitise on the way in and out. I wash my hands thoroughly after using the bathroom. I would change and shower when I got home.

@BouncyMonk

Hi OP, there is a podcast on OCD stories all about OCD and the pandemic. Think it was released near the beginning of lockdown. An OCD specialist discusses this subject and what is ‘good enough’. You might find that helpful.

I personally wouldn’t do any of the things you described. However there’s a balance to be struck here between challenging yourself not to give into the compulsions and actually enjoying the meal. It would be a shame to be so anxiety ridden that you didn’t enjoy it.

Have a great time

@BouncyMonk that sounds great! I will look for that! Thank you.