To ask you to teach me how to behave

[bruizer]

Tomorrow I'm going out for lunch for the first time since February.

I'm laid awake feeling like cancelling as I just don't know how to behave when I'm outdoors.

I was diagnosed with OCD in April (post natal) I've had weeks of CBT and I've leaned to control it.
However the one thing I'm struggling with is how much I should be doing outside to keep my self safe from Covid.

I mean we've all done extra things we wouldn't normally do during this pandemic.
Washing shopping, quarantine mail, etc etc so I'm genuinely struggling to find a line of what's enough and what's extreme.

I discussed with my therapist and her response was that if if feels like OCD then it's too much, but I haven't found that helpful as surely during a pandemic we are all doing things that can feel a bit "ocd" or too much in comparison to what we would normally do?

So my main things are, when I go to the restaurant tomorrow...

Do i clean the knives and forks before using them?

Do I clean the table when I sit down?

How often do I wash my hands / use alcohol gel?
So if I get passed a drink do I sanitise then as someone has touched my glass?

What about when the food comes and if I touch the plate. Do I sanitise again then as someone has touched my plate?

Do I take a spray to spay my clothes when I leave the restaurant?

Do I shower and change when I get home?

I really really want to go to the restaurant tomorrow, but all of these thoughts are on my mind and I genuinely don't know how to behave in this sort of situation anymore.

I don't want to become ill with Covid so I'd like to be safe and do what's necessary but I honesty don't know what's necessary and what's obsessive. 😔

Maybe the easiest thing is to cancel but then how am I ever going to recover if I keep avoiding places.

Please help! 😣

All I do is sanitize my hands on entering. That's it.

Sanitise your hands on the way in, if you go to the bathroom then wash your hands thoroughly then sanitise them on the way out.

I went out for lunch with a friend for the first time the other day. It was absolutely fine! No-one was let in unless they had booked beforehand, we were met at the door, staff all kept their distance and were wearing masks and PPE.

The atmosphere was lovely, plenty of people but all spaced apart, nice hum of conversation but no-one too close. We went in one way, people leaving went out of a different entrance.

Tables are all sanitised between customers and then left to 'rest' a bit, it all felt very clean. The menus were on paper, not the usual card, so they could be destroyed after each customer had made their choice and ordered.

When things were brought, they were on a tray which was offered to us and we took our own drinks or food etc. off the tray so that it wasn't being touched by the waiter/ress. Even the cutlery.

I used my paper serviette to make a 'table covering' at my place as I didn't want my cutlery actually on the table, my friend didn't bother. All plates and cutlery were perfectly clean so no need to re-clean anything.

I was really happy with the meal, each booking had a 2.5 hour timeslot to prevent overcrowding but to take into account the fact that things might take longer, it was plenty of time and we could sit and chat and catch up too. Loved it!

Even went to the loos on the way out, ultra clean, doors were pegged open so no need to touch anything, used gloves for the cubicle itself.

You will be fine, just go and enjoy it. I am now happy to dine out again after my first experience.

You poor thing OP, your worrying sounds like its really affecting you

I don't have OCD but I can see how the current situation must be massive for people who do (have OCD)

Go, enjoy your meal - like someone said, have a glass of wine to help you relax.

when I feel (Covid) nervous ... I sanitise my hands!! It's like a tic!

I completely understand how you feel about not knowing what is a proportionate response to being out and how much cleaning is ‘normal’ right now and how much is the OCD. My OCD was pretty bad a few years ago but is mainly under control now, although my anxiety ramped up massively early on in lockdown and I went back on anti-depressants (for a combination of reasons) which have helped. One of the biggest things that I remember reading when I was bad was about trying not to give into the compulsions and letting them rule my life so I worked a lot on that, almost to the point where I used to tell myself that whatever the ‘threat’ was, it wouldn’t kill me (I still have to use this sometimes).
It sounds like you are really looking forward to going, OCD aside so I think it would do you the world of good to do it. Anti-bac your hands when you go in, before and after going to the toilet and after you leave and that will be plenty. Remember the restaurant wants customers and, particularly now, if customers come away feeling that it is not clean, safe and hygienic, they won’t return and the restaurant will lose business.

Enjoy and let us know how you get on.

I ate out for the first time this week and I was incredibly nervous. I sanitised my hands. I discrete wiped down my cutlery. I read the menu online so I could order quickly & ate quickly. It was a celebration meal for my ds so I tried very hard to be ‘normal’. In the end, I left & waited outside-my family had nearly finished. It really helped to see other people behaving as they always did eating out. Yes, to hand gel and washing, but there was a relaxed feeling in the restaurant. I always wash my clothes and shower after going out too. Anything that helps with anxiety is good.

It is incredibly hard having OCD during this.

I find it so hard sometimes to know what's "normal" and what's excessive.

Do i clean the knives and forks before using them?
No they will be clean

Do I clean the table when I sit down?
No the table should be already sanitised

How often do I wash my hands / use alcohol gel?
So if I get passed a drink do I sanitise then as someone has touched my glass? In the feature ts I have been too the bring your drinks out on a tray to minimise contact.

I normally got to the loo and wash my hands before I leave home. Then on arrival at the restaurant I sanitise my hands. If I go to the toilet or change my baby or toddler nappy I was and/or sanitise my hands. Then I sanitise my hands after leaving the restaurant in the car

What about when the food comes and if I touch the plate. Do I sanitise again then as someone has touched my plate?
I don’t.

Do I take a spray to spay my clothes when I leave the restaurant?

No

Do I shower and change when I get home?

No. I wouldn’t unless I needed a shower.

Well done for posting for advice here. If you were to take all the answers and add them up, how many people say your ideas are excessive and how many people have said youre doing the right thing. Then you'll have your answer as to whether it's OCD or Covid safety measures. If no one else is doing the same as you and they're all okay, you don't need to do 'extra', because you aren't at any more risk than they are.
Think of how pleased you will be with yourself and what a big win against the OCD it will be if you go. Best of luck!!

@justsayso

Well done for posting for advice here. If you were to take all the answers and add them up, how many people say your ideas are excessive and how many people have said youre doing the right thing. Then you'll have your answer as to whether it's OCD or Covid safety measures. If no one else is doing the same as you and they're all okay, you don't need to do 'extra', because you aren't at any more risk than they are. Think of how pleased you will be with yourself and what a big win against the OCD it will be if you go. Best of luck!!

@justsayso that's a good way of looking at it!!

@bruizer good luck :)

Everything @MamaSloth said! The only thing I would add is try to limit touching your face, I didn't realise how much I did this before Covid-19.

Also every restaurant I have been to I have either booked in advance so they have my contact details for test and trace and we are in England.

We were away for a few days and the cathedral that we visited, no booking, even took our details before we entered. I have found the process very reassuring.

OP I have mild OCD so I can understand how you’re feeling. I’ve given my opinion on the following.

Do i clean the knives and forks before using them?
I wouldn’t do this however every restaurant I’ve been to has had them pre wrapped or brought them out once we have ordered. They aren’t lying on the table like they were pre Covid.

Do I clean the table when I sit down?
I would do this if I felt I needed to. I carry anti bac wipes with me and just discretely give the area I’m likely to come into contact with a quick wipe. I don’t think that’s weird at current times.

How often do I wash my hands / use alcohol gel?
So if I get passed a drink do I sanitise then as someone has touched my glass?
Santize once you’ve sat down and I leave it out and do it again before eating, after eating and on leaving. I don’t think you need to do it everytime you touch something.

What about when the food comes and if I touch the plate. Do I sanitise again then as someone has touched my plate? No not necessary.

Do I take a spray to spay my clothes when I leave the restaurant? No I wouldn’t do this, seems overkill.

Do I shower and change when I get home? I would change, I always change my clothes when I get home anyway though. Shower probably not necessary but a good hand wash with soap and water.

Enjoy your lunch and try not to worry too much all the restaurants I’ve been to so far have been great at keeping on top of things themselves.

I sanitise on the way in, on the way out, and when returning to my table after using the toilet. My friend sanitises about every two minutes! I wash my hands thoroughly when I get home, but don’t shower or change my clothes.
The first time going out is always the hardest. Hope you have a lovely meal OP

I hope you do manage to go OP but if you can't, don't beat yourself up. Each day is a new opportunity to get out so you can try again if necessary.

I hope you go and have a lovely lunch. And remember - the waiting staff have been working ever since the restaurant re-opened and not a single one of them has caught COVID or anything else. The world at large is probably cleaner than in normal times as we're all being more careful.
I wear gloves on public transport as my knees are too doddery to avoid touching handrails - sanitise after public transport and definitely before eating - and apart from masks as required, that's all. The first time back on buses/trains felt a bit weird; the second time I thought nothing of it. If you're wary of being too close to others - embrace these new times! City life is massively more enjoyable without too many other people!

Thank you for the support!!

I think right now I'm treating every object / surface as if it's contaminated with Covid and it's dealt difficult.

Even though I've had CBT and I know how to manage things better, having OCD and there being a real present risk, it's tough!

I don't want to go and look like a crazy person (I mean I am 🤣) by constantly sanitising, or washing my table etc. But at the same time I do want to be safe.

This will be the very first time going out and I want to make sure I get things right.