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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Diamond ring left to me I dont have

68 replies

Lockdownproblems · 27/08/2020 22:46

So
My.granny was poorly (strokes) for the last 20 years of her life. I was the only grandchild who ever went to see her. Even when I was at uni I rang her once a week even though her stroke meant she cpuldnt talk to me but I chatted on about what I'd been up to. And when I was home I saw her every week until she was moved to a care home..I couldn't drive so couldnt get there as much as I like.. twice a month at most. She wrote me the best letters ever. And sometimes she sent me jewelry..wrapped in tissue paper. She sent me her engagement rings (my grandad brought her 2) and eternity ring and another. All had massive diamonds..one rubies one sapphires and one emeralds. I gave them to my parents to look after. But they gave them to my sister in law (who wont allow me to be part of their life) to put in their safe while my parents house was rebuilt. AIbU to ask for these rings back? My "sister in law" will kick off badly if I do as she thinks she shouldve been given something (!even though she never met my granny and I was given these before Granny died..and we were all left some jewellry)

OP posts:
Scentsandsensible · 28/08/2020 07:07

I’m thinking that there is backstory here. OP were you parents worried you might sell the rings (not that you shouldn’t they belong to you).
Sorry if I’m getting the wrong end of the stick but is there an addiction issue in the background here?

FatCatThinCat · 28/08/2020 07:13

I was thinking the same Scentsandsensible

pasturesgreen · 28/08/2020 07:14

Of YANBU to ask for them back, but in the family dynamic you describe (I didnt get any choice about giving the rings.to my parents. They saw them and took them. I'm worried she thinks they are hers..and my parents will be too scared to argue as she will stop them seeing her kids if they do..shes already done it once when they stuck up for me), I would fully expect things to get ugly and I'd start to mentally prepare for the idea you might actually never see the rings again. Sorry, OP, it's shot when families work like that.

GetThatHelmetOn · 28/08/2020 07:23

This thread is all about what would happen if you ask for the rings, but there is no point of making a mountain out of a mole hill. You have not asked for the rings back yet.

Start worrying about the issue after they say they don’t want to return the rings.

KaptainKaveman · 28/08/2020 07:26

In your first post you say "I gave them to my parents to look after".

However, you subsequently state that "I didn't get any choice....they saw them and took them".

Which one is it?

bevelino · 28/08/2020 07:28

OP, we obviously don’t know the back story and there is no need for you to share. However, I do wonder what your granny’s Will stated about the jewelry as that would prove who she intended to have the rings.

If the Will doesn’t mention you having the rings it might mean that she gave them to you for safe keeping (as you visited every week) but did not intend for you to have them for yourself.

Why would she not leave them to her son/daughter?

PicsInRed · 28/08/2020 07:30

I think it's clear that there is a backstory here and the parents are trying to protect the OP from selling the rings.

What's the back story? OP, what are you parents protecting you from?

SoosanCarter · 28/08/2020 07:50

Second hand jewellery does not have a lot of re-sale value. Probably not enough for a Rome/Venice holiday, or a £10k bathroom.

WaltzfortheMars · 28/08/2020 07:51

It does sound very odd that your parents took something that belonged to their adult daughter. What was the reason they gave you?

HeronLanyon · 28/08/2020 07:57

Lit it on some kind of writing to your parents.
Hi mum - I’d like the rings has granny gave me back. Remembered you and dad were looking after them for me and you asked sil to put them in her safe when you got that work on your house done. Can you get them back from sil ? I’ve got a note of which ones they were (list if necessary). I’ll get them from you once you’ve got them. Thanks mum. Talk soon.
(Or similar ?).
Don’t attempt to get them yourself just yet. First step through parents.
Good luck.

trebletheclef · 28/08/2020 08:06

Good advice from Heron there.

I actually understand how parents can take things off their own children. Mine were certainly capable of this when I was in my early twenties/thirties. I think they considered anything that was mine, was theirs. I'm not sure they'd try it now that I'm in my fifties though.

SmileyClare · 28/08/2020 08:31

This is a bizarre situation. Of course it's not unreasonable to ask for your ring (rings?) back. There's no point pre-empting problems if you haven't asked.

All I can think is that as you were living in a homeless hostel, it wasn't a safe place to store valuables?

Why else give them to your parents for safe keeping? (your words). And if your parents have a difficult relationship with their son's wife (she's volatile, has cut you out, threatens to withhold contact with grandchildren etc) then why on earth give her your jewellery?

If I was living in awful conditions in a hostel, I would have sold the rings a long time ago to raise money for a deposit on a flat. I find your grandmother's 3 reasons you're allowed to sell her rings very bizarre.

If all this is a factual account of what happened then unfortunately you have made a huge mistake in giving the jewellery to anyone in your family, there was no need to tell your family that the rings were posted to you at all.

By all means fight to get the rings back. Prepare yourself though. They're likely gone now, possibly sold by your brother's family.

damnthatanxiety · 28/08/2020 08:42

If you are willing to pay (the value of the rings) to keep from having a family rift then you go ahead but personally, if that was what was expected of me - then rift away. The family is not worth being in contact with if this is what they expect.If SIL or parents won't return, go legal. They are yours. Non return = theft.

SmileyClare · 28/08/2020 08:48

Legally I don't think you have a leg to stand on. All the family were gifted jewellery, there was no will or any documentation. Its all word of mouth.
If nothing else then this has demonstrated that you can't allow/trust your parents to make decisions for you. A very expensive lesson for you though Sad

Doyoumind · 28/08/2020 08:50

There must be some kind of backstory here, I agree. What aren't we being told?

I also agree it's highly unlikely the rings have a huge monetary value.

Hellbentwellwent · 28/08/2020 09:15

Op there must be more to this story, what made your parents think it was ok just to take them in the first place? How did they just see them? Did you have them just lying around or were you wearing them? Why did your parents pay for your brothers to build their houses and not give you the same opportunity? Have you ever asked? What’s the story with the sister in law??

Genevieva · 28/08/2020 09:28

They are legally yours. She might not like it but I doubt she will kick off.

diddl · 28/08/2020 09:30

"I didnt get any choice about giving therings.tomy parents. They saw them and took them."

That's not what you put in your OP!

How did they just "see" valuable rings?

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