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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What the actual f - ex has ordered lube one day after splitting

78 replies

Mondayschildis · 27/08/2020 22:01

Name changed as frankly embarrassing. I don’t even know what to think. We broke up yesterday, still living together but the plan is that I’m going to move out as soon as I find somewhere. He said he wants to be friends and it’s all quite amicable, we are both 29. Anyway I’ve just gone on Amazon (we share an account because it has prime membership) and looked at most recent orders and he has ordered lube and three new tops... am I overthinking to think that he is planning to launch himself straight away into someone new with a whole new sex life? He literally never buys new clothes.

OP posts:

dwsf · 28/08/2020 01:34

Thought mine was bad.. My ex (21 year relationship) ended and within an hour before I had even packed a bag to leave he had ordered a sex doll (one of those realistic 'realdoll' things) I literally got replaced with a bit of plastic..

foxyroxyy · 28/08/2020 02:16

Better you saw lube rather than condoms? I'm assuming lube means solo play?!

rorosemary · 28/08/2020 03:20

My ex asked to borrow my motorcycle gear for the other woman to use a few days after break up. I looked at him surprised and asked him why on earth I would lend it to her. He said to protect her. I truthfully answered that I didn't care if she got hurt at that point. He was flabberghasted and really thought that I would lend her my stuff. Men are weird.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 28/08/2020 03:32

amazon sells std test kits. I think you should get one of those

Hope you find a nice flat/house share to move to.

toddlingtwo · 28/08/2020 03:40

I know it's so painful, but if he's acting like he doesn't give a shit the chances are it will hit him in a few months by which time you'll be totally over it.
Be thankful it's over at 29 and you have all your 30s ahead of you to build the life you want. Is there anywhere you can go and stay for the weekend to get out of there?
Make a list of all his crappy points. And every time you feel sad imagine in great detail the story of your life from this point onwards, just the what and not the how. It will keep you busy, distracted and focused.
And please come back in 12 months and update us on quite how over the wanker you are!!

Imissmoominmama · 28/08/2020 03:47

Pamela Handerson .

He must’ve known you’d see it; have you spoken to him about it? I would, and I’d tell him that you’d appreciate not having his sex thoughts shoved in your face.

NotMyFinestMoment · 28/08/2020 05:10

If he's ordering lube, I would be wondering if he's gay...

faithfulbird · 28/08/2020 05:22

Hmm I second the if he was buying lube I'd question if he was gay or not...

Please don't cry over him...if you're absolutely sure you're not getting back with him...get a clean condom and fill it with eye gel and leave it somewhere where he can see it...in a bin which he usually empties....at the top...I read somewhere a woman did this to her ex as he was shagging women straight away after they broke up and the moment he saw it...he confronted her and had a strop questioning her who it was etc etc...she never saw him so upset...

Imissmoominmama · 28/08/2020 05:44

Please don’t do the condom thing- all it will create is angst for both of you!

TwoShades1 · 28/08/2020 05:50

Well he obviously knows he won’t be having sex with you anymore so might be masturbating more and would like some lube.

faithfulbird · 28/08/2020 05:52

Agree with @Imissmoominmama . But I hope it give you something to giggle about. But don't do it.

canigooutyet · 28/08/2020 06:07

When you next see him, suggest he buys coconut oil instead of lube.

Lube is water-based and dries out quickly, whereas apparently coconut oil feels more natural. Wouldn't know if it's true, haven't got the tackle 😂

Not sure what disgusting about it as a pp suggested. After years of being in a sexless marriage, I gave the toys a break and within a week I fucked a bloke.

Oh and if you want to purchase something just as discreetly confuse him and buy a pussy pump If you enjoy clit stimulation you will love these.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 28/08/2020 06:15

Never knew wanking with lube was a thing! You learn something new everyday.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2020 06:33

I agree with others, this is for masturbating. He’s probably made these purchases to wind you up / punish you so don’t react. I agree with getting your own account - itwill probably cost you more to take over the account after his recent purchases. Maybe get yourself over to the penis beaker thread for some light amusement?

canigooutyet · 28/08/2020 06:34

@Mummyoflittledragon

Why would it cost the op more to take over the account?

daisychain01 · 28/08/2020 06:37

@CarolVordermansArse

Order a gigantic box of condoms.

Or order an XS sized box and give it to him as a parting gift.

Oh wait, sorry, I forgot they only ever make condoms in 2 sizes XXXL and XXXXL

He's a knob, OP, crack on with finding your own place and get on with your life away from him ASAP!

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2020 06:38

I was meaning because he’s just bought the 3 tops and may refuse to pay...

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/08/2020 06:40

daisychain
Amazon do extra large condoms. Op could get them for herself....

msflibble · 28/08/2020 06:41

I'm sorry about your heartbreak OP, although I think you know it's definitely for the best.

It seems clear to me the tops are retail therapy to cheer him up, and the lube is for another kind of, um, therapy involving his hand, also to cheer him up. IME women confront breakups by crying and dealing firsthand with all those messy painful emotions, whilst men drown them in booze, hobbies and wanking. No prizes for guessing which is healthier.

Rather than seeing it as evidence he doesn't give a shit about breaking up with you and is already heading for pastures new, understand it is a coping mechanism for the very real pain and grief he will be experiencing at this ending of a chapter in his life with you.

Chin up OP. Make a new Amazon account, and get online looking for a flatshare. If you move in with a nice bunch of new people you will be less lonely in the next few months.

daisychain01 · 28/08/2020 12:46

@Mummyoflittledragon

daisychain Amazon do extra large condoms. Op could get them for herself....

Absolutely! And leave the XL box visible so the twat of an ex sees them

Don't get mad, get even, as they say.

yelyah22 · 28/08/2020 13:07

Hmm I second the if he was buying lube I'd question if he was gay or not...

You know plenty of heterosexual people use lube, don't you? Some for wanking, some for using with sex toys, some for a partner who doesn't get wet enough for it to be comfortable, some for just making an already-wet partner more so, some for using with latex.

So strange to assume it's for gay men only.

Also, OP, I feel you - it's a shit situation to just have broken up with someone and still be in the same house as them. But even if he is buying lube to fuck someone else, people deal with breakups differently. Some people want meaningless sex to make them feel better (I'm in this camp, so it's not just men!), some people want to cry into their duvet for a while. It doesn't mean the relationship or you weren't important. But it's also no longer your business and shouldn't take up any mental space - give yourself the gift of letting it go. Make the conscious choice to allow yourself some headroom and remind yourself that holding onto things that hurt you isn't healthy and won't let you move on.

KarmaStar · 28/08/2020 13:35

Why would The op want an egg whisk?the blenders are much easier and quicker.

user1471538283 · 28/08/2020 17:28

Let him get on with it and use your head space to find somewhere and move on.

Laaalaaaa · 28/08/2020 17:30

He’s a single man 🤷🏻‍♀️

remainin · 28/08/2020 21:04

I'm sorry, OP. Breakups are the worst. However, the lube is pretty funny if you think about it - how pathetic can he be? Hopefully wanking is going to be the only action he'll get for a looooong time!

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