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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross at our practice nurse?

39 replies

clumsymum · 05/10/2007 11:37

DS is 8, and last week we took him for his MMR vaccination (didn't have them when a toddler, history elsewhere on here).

I had told ds why we were going to the Dr's earlier in the week, and then had not really mentioned it again. In the waiting room we discussed everything else, ds was perfectly calm and happy.

I ASSUMED that when we got into the consulting room, nurse would have the syringe ready, and just GET ON WITH IT. Instead she faffed about with it, telling me about the injection, he might get a temperature etc etc.
Then she turned to ds (who had been sitting quite quietly up to now ) and said, "Right, lets give you this, it might hurt a little bit"
Cue one squirming, fighting child. He is a large 8 year-old, I'm a small mummy, and basically we finished up having to ring for Daddy to come and hold ds down, lots of tears, a complete farce.

Then she rang us to say that ds will need a booster sometime, over a month from now.
DH took the call, and she said to him "Now it will be YOU who brings ds, won't it?"
I'm really really , firstly because SHE got ds all upset, and secondly because she obviously regards me as utterly unable to deal with my own child.

OP posts:

elescarybells · 05/10/2007 11:43

she has to tell you all the possible side affects ect. it is her job, she can get into serious trouble if she doesn't explain it all to you before the injection.

i imagine she only asked for DH to be present next time to reduce the trauma for your ds. she probably could have worded it a bit better but im sure she has your ds's best interests at heart.

Original poster

clumsymum · 05/10/2007 11:48

but we had done the whole business of side effects and stuff before, I'#m well aware of them, it should be on the record that I'm well aware of them, along with the umpty three million discussions I've had at that practice about why DS hadn't had the MMR in the first place.

I assumed that they would be used to dealing with children. Obviously this woman is not.

And she can't do smear testa either (took her 45 mins to do my last one)

OP posts:

Georgeous · 05/10/2007 11:55

Sounds like a total idiot to me. Don't give her a second thought, she is obviously incompetent. If she has really bothered you then write a letter of complaint to the practice manager, that's what I did when the GP told me I was being an "over anxious mother", completely missing my baby's ear infection because he couldn't be bothered to examine her properly.

Georgeous · 05/10/2007 11:57

I don't usually write letters of c omplaint by the way, but I feel strongly that we put so much faith in medical staff, they need to be up to the job, and have a good bedside manner. It was her job to put you and your son at ease.

chocolateteapot · 05/10/2007 11:58

Agree she is rubbish. DS is 4 and had an injection the other day, the nurse was brilliant with him. I had a bad experience with DD's pre-school booster when the woman doing it said "this will just sting a bit, like a bee" DD is absolutely terrified of bees and went through the roof. I can't imagine having to hold down a large 8 year old and you have lots of sympathy from me.

Georgeous · 05/10/2007 12:00

I would be freaked out if I was told an injection would be like a bee sting!

Fireflyfairy2 · 05/10/2007 12:12

DD has a wart on her thumb & has been going to our practice nurse for 3 weeks now to get it sprayed.

The first time the nurse told dd it would 'tingle' a wee bit.

Whilst she was spraying it, I could feel dd getting all tense & screwing her thumb up... then she screeched "Why didn't you just say it would hurt???? Now I know 'tingle' means hurt!!"

So I guess she maybe could have told your ds it would tingle a bit? Or would that have been as bad as saying it would hurt?

I know my SIL is a nurse & they do have to make each & every person aware of the side effects of any innoculation or test/medicine etc... If she hadn't told you this time, even if you knew before, then ds had a side effect & you said you weren't made aware of it.. the nurse would have been in trouble.

FrightAttendant · 05/10/2007 12:20

Ours faffed for ages even between injections, ie he already had the first and was terrified of the second.

It made me so cross, there was no need, she needed to just stick it in but it was all 'now Mummy, you are still alright for me to do this?'

no of course I'm not bloody alright my child is screaming like a loon, but if you would please just get on with it ..........

(she had already told us all the stuff)

ScaremyVile · 05/10/2007 12:26

Agrre with Elesbells.

Also it is you job to deal with/prepare your child, it is her job to go through all the blurb and administer the injection - I really dont see what she did wrong.

Georgeous · 05/10/2007 12:33

But, her DS was calm in the waiting room and only freaked out when the nurse said "this will hurt a bit". Clumsymum did prepare her son, if you read her post. The thing that made her angry (as it would me) was the implication that she had somehow scared her child and that the Dad should take him the next time.

ScaremyVile · 05/10/2007 12:40

But they all say 'it will hurt a bit' dont they?

I'd find it strange if she just stuck the needle in with no warning, either he didn't know at all that an injection hurts, in which case he'd be more upset or he did know because his mother had told him, in which case it wasn't anything new to him when the nurse said it.

And with regards to the comment about the dad - I aimagine she just didn't want a repeat of this time where everyone had to wait while he arrived - fair enough really, she probably would get it in the neck if she held up those who were waiting.

HonoriaGlossop · 05/10/2007 12:42

I agree she does have to go through with you at the time, the possible effects etc, whether you're aware or not.

Obviously she scared him when she said it would hurt; that's not a child friendly way to put it at all, and I'm surprised she hasn't got a better 'bedside manner' and actually, I'm also surprised that she wasn't able to TALK to an 8 yr old instead of having them held like a toddler. If she had time to let you phone his dad and for his dad to get there, she could just have stopped and TALKED to ds once he got worried and re-assured him, etc. 8 yr olds should be reasoned and negotiated with, it shouldn't be impossible!

scattyspice · 05/10/2007 12:49

Why would you tell someone that it won't hurt, or not warn them that it might, when it blatently will hurt?

How can your child learn to trust Dr / nurse etc if he is used to them lying to them?

HonoriaGlossop · 05/10/2007 12:54

but there are better ways of saying it than 'hurt' - DS' last jab was described as a like a 'scratch' and he was encouraged to count during it to distract him.

LaDiDaDi · 05/10/2007 12:54

I have to say I don't think that she waswrong to talk to you about the injection, no matter how many times you might have heard it before, or to warn your ds that it would hurt.

I do think that you were all wrong to pin him down for him to have it.

Georgeous · 05/10/2007 12:57

But how else could he have been given the injection...?

scattyspice · 05/10/2007 13:00

We always do counting too HG. Then he knows how long it will take (and a distraction).

TWIGgerhappy · 05/10/2007 13:01

I tell my children they have vaccinations to make them stronger and yes it will hurt a little but by the time they notice it hurting it will have stopped (and then I poke them with my finger) and say "like that" so they understand the transitory aspect of the pain and that they'll be able to cope

I think the nurse went by the book but could easily have been better at it... I also think maybe you should prepare your child a little better for what is about to happen, avoiding talking about it might make it easier, but might not

MaryBleedinShelley · 05/10/2007 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3andnogore · 05/10/2007 13:07

clumsy, you say you preapred your child for the Jab, so, surely that would include making your child aware that it might hurt a little...therefore, he should have been prepared and shouldn't have freaked out when the nurse mentions it...

In the end they have certain protocols that they have to follow,i.e. they have to tell you about the sideeffects etc...just before they give it, etc...if they don't then they put themselves into a very vulnarable position, should a person decide to sue for whatever reason...

And I htink you are bieng a bit to sensitive about her comment that she expects your dh to take him next time....she doesn't think that you are a parenting failure or anything, but she was obviously able to observe that should there be a struggle, then you would physically not able to deal with teh situation...

I agree though, holding a child down etc...sounds very wrong and indeed she should have talked and reasoned with your child. IT's not the best basis for the next time he needs a jab, iykwim...!

3andnogore · 05/10/2007 13:08

Mary we crossposted, lol

chocolateteapot · 05/10/2007 13:28

The nurse who did DS the other week sat him on my lap so I could cuddle hold him still. She made sure every thing was ready and had it behind her where he couldn't see it. She explained to him that it would help prevent him be ill. Then she said that we had to look at a tin on the shelf and count to 10 and that by the time we got to 10 she would be finished.

DS claims not to have felt a thing, was perfectly happy and left having had a chosen a dog plaster from a selection of various designs, clutching his bravery certificate and a box of raisins.

She had quietly run through side effects with me before hand.

Original poster

clumsymum · 05/10/2007 17:18

Thank you chocolate teapot, your nurses behaviour was kind of what I expected, not all the farting about that ours did.

And I was flabbergasted that she told ds that it would hurt a bit, just told him. He hadn't asked, I don't think it had even occurred to him that it might, until she put the idea in his head.

In my view, she made the whole process more difficult, and the ensuing cafuffle means that it wsill be more difficult next time.

OP posts:

MaryBleedinShelley · 05/10/2007 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3andnogore · 05/10/2007 17:28

clumsy, I must admit, then you didn't actually preapre your son about what was happning, if you left the painfactor out completely...and indeed...I don't think that is helpful longterm...

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