To look into whether my ex should pay more for DS

[starlet14]

Hi all, I have a son aged 10 with my ex. We split when I was pregnant. Never had him for more than a few hours a week so that doesn't come into it. He doesn't have to feed him, clothe him etc.

So.. my ex has paid me the same amount since he was tiny (£30 a week). He wasn't earning much back then and this was the calculation of how much he should pay. For a few months when he was a baby he would pay me on his own accord. But it was a bit hit and miss so I ended up contact the csa. He was always terrible with money. So yeah he's always our me £30 a week. He wasn't earning much.

So fast forward a few years. Our claim was going over to the new child maintenance system. My ex wanted to do our own arrangement to avoid the fees. I thought I'd give it a try seeing as a few years have passed and my ex might be a bit more sensible with money 🤣

Had our own arrangement for a few years still
paying £30 a week.. I am grateful for this. I know some parents don't get anything for their children.

But my ex is quite a 'show off'. saying he's got a better well paid job, a promotion. Brags about the 3 holidays he has a year with his girlfriend. He is clearly earning a lot more than 10 years ago. He is a very boastful person.

Quite convenient he gets a new job after our csa claim finished ^^

Anyway, he lives locally. I was browsing local job pages and a very similar job to his in the same place he works (there's a few of them doing the same job) came up and it listed the salary. I don't know his exact salary obviously but I decided to put the one I seen into the gov.uk child maintenance calculator and based on that wage he should be paying £30 extra a week so £60!!!

Aibu to expect a bit more if he's earning more? With the ever increasing cost of school uniform. It's literally just maintenance he gives DS. Doesn't have to provide for him in any other way. Me and my oh do it all. Even just £40 instead of £30!

Or am I being entitled?

I don’t want to post out of turn as I am new and don’t have children. But £30 a week is not a lot and you are not being entitled for wanting this to be reviewed if his salary supports it.

I have a sister that received no maintenance since my DN was 5 years old, so yes there are people worse off, but that doesn’t mean you are entitled for wanting better support.

You're not being entitled, the money is for your child, not you.

If he's not paying as much as he should then you should look into him paying more.

Of course you should get more. Ignore him and go via CMS, he has proven himself a liar.

I think you should start a claim with the maintenance agency. I think its £20 initially to set it up and then once they've worked out what he has to pay, there are no fees if he pays you directly into your bank account. Much easier to get it all sorted properly and they re-asses each year so will increase or decrease his payments as appropriate.

YANBU. He should pay more if he earns more. And you don't need to be grateful that he's paying just because some pdopld get nothing, I get a lot more than £30 a week and I don't feel the need to be grateful that my ex is just doing what he should be.

If his earnings have gone up then he should pay more; £30 a week isn’t a lot and it’s not entitled to want the right amount for your DS. DH has increased the cma he pays for DSD over the last 11 years as his earnings have gone up.

£60 a week is still not enough really but £30 a week is laughable. Yes get CSA to review it.

The only fees would be the initial fee payable by you. I paid £20 as a one off in 2016. If you have a direct pay arrangement there are no fees, it’s only if they collect for you. I would definitely go through the CMS!

YANBU OP

Does he live with any children? That would impact what he has to pay.

He is paying an amount of money towards his child that would cause a decent parent great embarrassment. You should not feel guilty asking for the amount to be reviewed.

£30 a week won't even touch the sides when your son goes to secondary school. Get his payments accessed properly via CSA.

Ask him for a review, if he won't I would go to the CMS.

I've just done this myself to see if he was paying enough. He isn't.
I paid £20 for them to do a calculation based on his p60 which they do I did have his NI number.
Then once they do the calculation you can agree between your selves or do direct pay where he pays a lot more as it comes straight from his wages and you pay a very slight amount mine would work out about £10 a month. No harm in asking for a calculation it's also gets re calculated every two years I think

You should absolutely ask for more. Your DS has two parents and your ex has a responsibility and should be happy to pay more to ensure he gets what he needs. I would apply to CMS without telling him.

He clearly can't be trusted and it isn't worth the agg.

Go through CMS and you won't have to worry about him missing payments or shorting you, simple.

YADNBU...

Go through CSA. He’s bloody got away with it because you haven’t pushed it. It’s a joke he’s only paying £120 a month. Who does he think he is?

Get your evidence together and start a claim. Disgraceful! Does he see/pay when he’s with the DC?

Don’t let him financially abuse you and your child. cMS now.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable.
£120 per month is pathetic and quite frankly not much of a contribution at all .
Please do go to CMS and get this resolved properly.
Your DS deserves better than this and as he gets older he will certainly cost you more .

Open a new claim via cms to get his wages checked. Fuck taking Even £40 when He does fuck all. Get the full amount!

I'd be chuffed with a whole £30 a week I get £29 a month 😂 these men are fuckers. If he should pay £60 get it OP it's his son too.

Why are you posting here? Of course he should be paying more. How is this a surprise? Did you really expect his earnings to stay the same for 10 years? Have you not been asking him what is earnings are each year so you can adjust the amount?

£30 a week is pretty pathetic amount if he can afford 3 holidays a year etc, I would defo try and get more for your ds.

Thanks all for your help. I've never asked him for anything tbh so maybe I'll contact them. He's never had to feed DS or put him in uniform, shoes or anything! School uniforms aren't too bad with secondary school in a year it'll be a different story!

I've never asked him for a penny tbh. We really relied on the money as a single mum years ago. Not so much now as in a better position.. but extra would be handy for DS.

He has a baby, but only just. I'm aware this could impact the amount he pays but the baby is only weeks old so it looks like he should have been paying more for a few years!

As I said in original post no overnight stays or anything. When I did the online calculator that was the 'never' box.

If I was to contact the cms could I do this without speaking to my ex at first? Or would be best to speak to him about it. I'm almost too scared to bring it up as he's never made life easy!

Don’t mention it to him. Just out the claim in.