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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to make the bath safe for elderly dad?

42 replies

R2221 · 27/08/2020 14:43

My dad moved back to the UK and into a new flat with only one bathroom (with a shower over bath). He is 75 and in good health (touch wood!). He hasn’t used a bath in a long long time and I’m really worried.

How to make it safe for him? He doesn’t want to replace it with a shower cubicle - says it’s “perfectly alright” !!

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 27/08/2020 16:40

Get decent grab rails fitted. Do NOT use the suction type rails you can buy. I’ve seen awful injuries to people when they’ve randomly come unstuck.

FlyLight · 27/08/2020 16:42

In that case I second a bath board- they really are brilliant, I used one for a while after an accident. He can then either sit to shower or just have it there for extra security getting in and out. Dp is an occupational therapist and agrees!

ilovesooty · 27/08/2020 16:42

@R2221

To clarify, my dad doesn’t like baths. He stands in there and has a shower! That’s what I’m worried about.
My mother was doing this at home without incident until she was 90.
Porcupineinwaiting · 27/08/2020 16:46

Why do you have to do anything? Is he incapable of making decisions on his own behalf? Does he have a record of falls?

If the answers to the above are no and no, maybe leave the poor guy to manage his own affairs.

pinkbalconyrailing · 27/08/2020 17:40

rubber mats
handrails
and a bath board so he could sit whilst taking a shower.

cptartapp · 27/08/2020 17:53

Try and persuade him to make alterations. PIL with pots of money refused to plan ahead. MIL at 78 and previously well, fell and broke her hip, and now not only is FIL fitting a stairlift in a panic so she can come home, thousands of pounds sit untouched in the bank whilst she stands to spend the rest of her life having a strip wash and her hair washed in the sink.

MereDintofPandiculation · 27/08/2020 18:18

FIL fitting a stairlift in a panic so she can come home That's a strange way of expressing it. Stairlift companies are geared up to fit within about a week of first enquiry. There's no need at all to get a stairlift fitted before you need it.

And there's no isn't necessarily a lot of point in planning ahead- you don't know whether you'll break a hip, get dementia, go blind through macular degeneration, have a stroke ... all will need different adaptations. So redesigning the house just because you're over 65 is a bit of a shot in the dark
.

alexdgr8 · 27/08/2020 18:39

you know the way new mums bemoan grannies/MIL who give unasked for advice...

katy1213 · 27/08/2020 18:48

He is no doubt well aware of the existence of handrails and hoists. Strange as it may seem, older people are adults capable of making their own decisions and risk-assessments. Nobody wants to embrace the accoutrements of a care home before they need them.

maggiecate · 27/08/2020 18:48

Don’t nag him - if he’s anything like mine he’ll dig his heels in. If he’s just done a big move the thought of more upheaval is probably really off putting. Proper handrails and then start leaving brochures for wet rooms in strategic places. And prime anyone he knows who’s had their bathroom done to wax lyrical - it always goes down better when it’s coming from someone else.

Roselilly36 · 27/08/2020 18:53

I have a disability I never use a bath, too much hassle, needing help etc. Walk-in shower is the way to go.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 27/08/2020 18:57

Have Flotex flooring fitted. It is impossible to slip on and proper, screwed in grab handles. Would he have the bath changed to one with a door?

Serin · 27/08/2020 19:13

I'm with ScribblyGum on this one.
If he is fit and well then I dont see the problem.
My mum of 88 manages to get in and out of the bath without supervision.
It's horribly patronising to assume he cant do this at 75. Are you going to insist he only has pureed food too? Shock

RowboatsinDisguise · 27/08/2020 19:19

75 really isn’t very old!

cptartapp · 27/08/2020 19:58

The stairlift is being fit in a panic because if MIL isn't discharged promptly, as in a day or two, she'll be transferred to a care home for further rehab as the current unit need her bed. There was no need to have had a stairlift fitted sooner of course, but their situation just goes to show how people can be 'managing' very well one minute, and then not the next. I've seen enough of that over many years as a district nurse, in and out of A&E like a revolving door.
People of course can make their own choices as they age, as long as their first port of call in a crisis and thereafter isn't to family to bail them out. Which it usually is.

nc600 · 27/08/2020 20:21

He's only 75 and he's still fit and healthy. What business is it of yours how he showers?

Does he pop into your house and start making changes?

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