Repetitive anecdotes/story telling - would it get on your nerves?

[GilbertMarkham]

I was mulling over a past relationship (as you do sometimes) and thought about how he used to repeatedly tell the same anecdotes/stories ... And wondered if that would irritate you or put you off someone?

Initially I laughed at them/appreciated them, when he'd told them a few times I was polite and may have said "ah yeah I remember you telling me about that before" ...
After about 5/10 plus retellings I started to say "yes, I remember you telling he that a good few times before" etc. I did t show any exasperation or irritation, just emphasised how many times he's told me the story before and got slightly sharp/snappy, saying "Okay!!! Alright!" Etc.

I understand people sometimes like to tell a shared anecdote more than once to reminisce or because they think it's funny etc. But these weren't shared anecdotes and weren't hugely funny.

He used to do this a bit with his friend too (they were shared stories in their case) and he clearly enjoyed it, though I noticed his friends wife had limited tolerance, didn't involved and on occasion tried to wrap it up if they needed to go etc.

Although he did do things like go for dinner, go for a drive, or things I suggested like cinema or stand up comedy .. at times I wondered if his ideal evening would be us in his sitting room with no entertainment, and him telling his stories and anecdotes .. with me paying apt attention and being amused, even though I'd heard them numerous times before.

Aibu to have found this exasperating and a turn off? It's not the reason the relationship ended but, given it did it's something I'm glad I'm not listening to.

We have a family member who does this and yup, it's annoying. The stories are l.o.n.g and no matter how many times you nod and say "oh yes, you've told us this" they continue to the end and expect a reaction. Sometimes we land on a topic and I'm like "Oh no!" because I realise they're going to bounce into a story we've heard a hundred times before. They're lovely in every other respect but I don't get it – I sometimes stop during a story to check I've not told it to the person before!

My husband does this and I just roll my eyes, I may do it to him vut no way as much

Sometimes I do like the stories no matter how many times, other times I say something as nicely as I can

I know I'm sometimes guilty of this, but if someone points it out to me, I say sorry and look sheepish and, crucially, stop telling the story. Does that make it okay? I'm a bit chatty and can't ever remember what stories I've told people

I know I'm sometimes guilty of this, but if someone points it out to me, I say sorry and look sheepish and, crucially, stop telling the story. Does that make it okay? I'm a bit chatty and can't ever remember what stories I've told people blush

Sounds well-adjusted to me.

@Z0rr0 he sounds a nightmare! a warning to us all....mental note to listen and chip in even to sporty conversations

I have found that most people who are "good company" in a very overt way only have a handful of stories.

Sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it just saves me the effort of making conversation

Sometimes though I've been known to shout utter 'Shut up you boring bastard'.In the nicest possible way. smile

Thing is if people can make a joke of it and the person who does it can be good humoured about it, it might be ok.

I don't think I ever tried to make a joke of it, may I should have .. but he was offended and snappy when I pointed out (after many repeats) that he'd told me these anecdotes before.

*maybe

My parents do this. Over and over again with the same stories. It’s not dementia as they have done it for 40 years.

My father in law does this. His wife says 'youve told us all before'. Then he just carries on. Then his various children say 'we know' even the in-laws like me say 'oh i think i remember this one' He just finishes regardless.

I wonder if its like muscle memory. Where you do something over and over it becomes a reflex. So the story us just a reflex to the family being round.

I think I might do this. Because I have a lot of compartmentalised friends and I can’t always remember what point I’m up to and what I’ve told them.

So I might start telling the story of how I broke my foot last week (true story) and not remember what bit I’d got to in the saga of the foot. So I start with “please stop me if I’ve already told you this!”

I think that when there is a story you've told to lots of people it becomes almost like a piece of music. You don't have to worry about the words, they just come like when singing a song you know well. For people who haven't heard the song, this is a beautiful piece of polished story telling, a good performance, enjoyable to listen to. For the people closest to you it's more like hearing a no1 single for the umpteenth time on the radio. You can either find that annoying, or tune out and let the melody of the words wash over you with their familiar turns of phrase and twists of storytelling. They become the music of your life. The stories and anecdotes. And when that person is gone, you can remember them word prefect because you've heard them so many times.

When I lost somebody close to me, it helped me to remember those anecdotes and stories. I wish I had heard them more now. They have become like ballads over time.

@JadesRollerDisco that's beautiful! you've made me see it in a different light now

We'll be trying to hear about my nephews experiences of school and he'll be talking about when he was at school 65 years ago. Or we'll be talking about work frustrations and he'll tell stories about his (very different) work which he retired from more than ten years ago.
He's grounded in the past. He won't talk about anything which doesn't interest him - sport for instance, which doesn't interest us either but everyone can chip in a bit if it's something your conversation companion is passionate about. No, he'll have to turn it back to his own interests which no one else can contribute to. So you won't talk about anything he can contribute to, and when he tries to contribute from his limited experiencemyou castigate him for being irrelevant?

My father does this. There's a standing family "joke" that we (as in, my children and I) know what he had for breakfast on May 24th, 1964... 12 years before I was born, and 32 years before my oldest was born. Every conversation we try to have, somehow, it gets turned around to him and stories which (a) didn't involve us, (b) always involve at least 3 people whose entire backstories we have to hear - and who we've never met before -, and (c) rarely have anything to do with the conversation trying to be had between the rest of the family. He's been like this, certainly, for as long as I've known him (44 years), so I don't think he has dementia... although he's in his 70s now, so that's a possibility looming. I think it's more a case of, as a PP said, self-importance and wanting to hear the sound of his own voice. It may also be him trying to be the Patriarch of our family. If we blatantly ignore him, he gets toddler-esque stroppy about "being ignored", though.

My mother, however, also does this - but only since she started having TIAs (mini-strokes, where the brain resets itself). And my 24 year old daughter has recently begun repeating stories about how she's the heroine of everything to do with her outings with her boyfriend and their friends/at work.

After a lifetime of enduring it, I now just tune out and wait until they're done. I also don't try to have a serious conversation (ie, about my/my son's health) with any of them, because... what would be the point? My son suffers from severe, debilitating migraine attacks - but if I say that he's had one (he is on medication for them), my father/mother/daughter turn it back round to their health issues.

They're all narcissistic personalities. My daughter actually has a diagnosis of NPD. And I think, that's the crux of it.

My DM did this to the extent it was actual torture (genuinely - her anecdotes should have been banned under the Geneva Convention). It was like an encapsulated dementia in a way as she didn’t realise how many times she repeated herself, got hurt when I said (for the umpteenth time) ‘yes, you’ve told me that...’ through gritted teeth. She could hold a perfectly reasonable conversation about, say, current affairs but would always revert to the stories. It could be hurtful as she seemed way more interested in repeating herself than in anything to do with me. As with pp, very much a case of turning any and everything back to another old story.

There could very well be an element of narcissism.

Especially when the person continues even when they know they other person/people have heard it before (often more than once).

her anecdotes should have been banned under the Geneva Convention

Sorry your post was mostly quite sad, but I lol'd at that.

If you're with someone long enough you'll have heard their stories and have no reason to ever speak to them.

I'm.not much of a talker tho so that suits me.

My mother recently told me, in excruciating detail, the recipe for quince cheese. Three times. In one phone call.

She told me the recipe for quince cheese. Three times. In excruciating detail. On the next phone call.

Guess what she told me three times, on the next phone call, in excruciating detail. Yep, you guessed it.

She has her marbles a hell of a lot more intact than I do.

Thankfully, the quince season has come to an end. . .

@JadesRollerDisco

That is very lyrical, and could certainly apply to relatives esp older ones.

But when it's a man you've been dating for less than a year and he's telling you an anecdote about a local country bumpkin thst he's told you ten times before about (that was only mildly funny the first time) while chipping you on the arm or thigh for emphasis .. it doesn't really work.

*chopping

My mother does this and it drives me nuts. In her case, it’s something she’s always done but has gotten worse as she’s aged.

Something happens.
Mum: That reminds me of the time your father and I went to the beach but there was a storm.
Me: Yes, you’ve told me this before. The windscreen wiper broke and you had to stick your head out the side window to direct him.
Mum: The rain was battering down and our old car didn’t have the best wipers you see. As we drove along (dramatic pause), they stopped working...

It’s infuriating.

(I mean a hand chop obviously, no knives were involved!)

Googling quinze cheese ..