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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what it's like to have sex with someone you really fancy and feel a connection with

39 replies

Olivia0592 · 27/08/2020 12:19

I never have. In any relationship I've been in, I've always "settled". The men that I fancy don't seem to fancy me back. Now I'm nearly 29 with 2 DC and I wonder if it will ever happen. :(

OP posts:
rosiejaune · 27/08/2020 14:25

Well I don't think it is necessarily any different. You can feel a real connection with someone and find them attractive, but it doesn't necessarily mean you will be sexually compatible (whether that is physical, or a communication issue so you don't get what you want from sex).

And you can be in a disrespectful, abusive relationship and still have good sex (though whether or not it is possible to consent at all in that situation is debatable).

But if you aren't happy with your current partner, and there is no way of improving that, you don't have to stay.

Summerdayss21 · 27/08/2020 14:33

You’re only 29 OP, still plenty of time to find some other you have a connection with. People have all different kinds of connections with each other and relationships can be very different.
When you’re equally attracted to each other the sex can be very good, even after years with each other it’s still exciting and fulfilling. But relationships are more than just sex, though it’s a good start Wink

thinkingcapon · 27/08/2020 14:34

Are you single op?

Michaelbaubles · 27/08/2020 14:35

In my experience, when you have a real emotional and physical connection with someone, sex is the best thing in the world. Even if it’s rushed or you’re tired or bloated, it’s still better than anything else. But it’s not all that common. I’ve had good set before but then I experienced the really great kind and it blew my mind! And it gets better too.

LucyLocketsPocket · 27/08/2020 14:41

It's amazing. I could never settle again.

Sunshineandflipflops · 27/08/2020 14:46

I was seeing someone a year ago who I had a massive sexual and physical attraction to and the sex was amazing - it and he literally changed me and my feelings towards sex.

However, aside from a sexual chemistry that was through the roof and great sex, we ultimately weren't suited.

I have been with my bf a year now and I fancy him and the sex is good but we are better suited in other ways so I m happy to forgo the sexual fireworks I experienced before. I won't forget them though!

Shodan · 27/08/2020 14:52

It's amazing.

I settled, for 2 marriages.

Then I met DP and OMG! I honestly thought this kind of thing couldn't /wouldn't happen to me, but it has.

And I'm 51- got together with DP when I was 47.

Hopefully it won't take as long for you, but even if it does, it's worth waiting for.

SchmooobyDoo · 27/08/2020 14:55

I had a dream last night about “the one that got away”. I still fancied him in the dream...

GalaxyGirl24 · 27/08/2020 15:28

Really lovely and no pressure, you feel connected and it's just very loving.
However, you still have so much time to meet someone like this!

Pesimistic · 27/08/2020 15:33

Sex with the right person is fantastic, your not worried about holding back and you cant get enough realy

SmileSunStars · 27/08/2020 15:34

Following.

honeygirlz · 27/08/2020 15:35

.

DressesWithPocketsRockMyWorld · 27/08/2020 15:50

Amazing. Best feeling ever. We don't get nearly enough time for it but when we do it puts a smile on my face for ages.

newtb · 27/08/2020 15:53

Magic

mylittlesandwich · 27/08/2020 16:04

It's amazing, things have quietened down for now as we had DS and we're both basically shattered all the time. Prior to that it would really put a spring in my step.

Martinisarebetterdirty · 27/08/2020 16:11

It is earth shattering when you have the connection with someone you love and fancy. I’ve had lovely sex with my exH but nothing compared to what I now have with DP. I’m only sad we don’t have it more often (small children and demanding jobs). I would never never settle again - I’d rather go without.

BashfulClam · 27/08/2020 16:15

It is better than when you ‘settle’ even if the sex is mediocre the connection makes it much better.

Bubbletrouble43 · 27/08/2020 16:39

In answer to your question, it's amazing. I've had 2 relationships like this, an ex when I was 28 and current dp.

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/08/2020 20:32

Like nothing else ever has! I had pretty decent sex with some previous partners, but omg nothing prepared me for the mind blowing nature of it when with someone you are so mentally and physically connected to as my now bf.

BubblyBarbara · 27/08/2020 20:35

Remember that the grass is always greener. If you’ve made vows you should see them through. I did until my DH passed away.

BBY6 · 27/08/2020 20:51

I’ve only ever had this with one person and it was amazing even when we were on the verge of splitting. Nothing has come close before or since. I can only describe it as mind blowing. Every other relationship I have had has had its moments but like you more of a styling type relationship so no fireworks.

BBY6 · 27/08/2020 20:51

Settling

BobsYerUnclee · 27/08/2020 21:06

@BubblyBarbara Honestly. What a crock of shite that was. The OP is entitled to a fulfilling sex life. She's also entitled to a divorce, as were you. The OP's DH is not entitled to happiness any more than she is.

Absolute buffoon.

BubblyBarbara · 27/08/2020 21:12

@BobsYerUnclee Don’t get married then. If you want to flit around over a single issue like sex then stay as an unmarried couple and do what you like. Otherwise there is no difference between getting married and not if the vows mean nothing

BobsYerUnclee · 27/08/2020 21:18

Were you born in the 1700's with your ancient views? I say it's kinder leaving a marriage, due to having an unfulfilling sex life, than waiting for your DH to die before you move on. If the OP WANTS to leave her marriage and find that sexual chemistry; then so be it.

What a martyr you are.