In expecting some help?

[Gkjja]

2 late teens still living at home.
One is basically nocturnal but will help without complaint when awake.
Other considers that having a job exempts them from any household chores.
Last weekend my partner was visiting (long distance relationship) and offered to help me with some garden tasks, specifically painting the fence panels (there are about 40, of which 20 are the slot in type). I have a very fancy sprayer which can complete this task quickly however I can't use it with the slot in panels in situ because obviously it doesn't paint the whole panel and also because the panels are near my neighbours house who would kick off if any fence paint cane through. DP said that we could lift out the panels.

Asked DC for help as we couldn't do it without them (I am the shortest and also not very strong so struggle to lift panels etc. So nocturnal DC says they will help if other does; other DC response is no, I'm not doing that. It's too difficult and a waste of my time. You should just do it with the panels in place.

No other help was offered. The fence is still unpainted.

I found the response quite rude; I appreciated my partner's offer to help, he has his own house and stuff to do yet often ends up having to help me with tasks I can't do alone because my DC either are not awake to help or just refuse.

This weekend they are having friends round, I am away for the weekend but have been cleaning until 10 every night, tomorrow I have work plus a final clean to do (I have to clean all the loos as they never leave them in a fit state, plus if they have anything to eat tomorrow there will be crumbs and food everywhere so I'll need to hoover, mop floor and wash up!), and I know by the time I come home it will be a tip.

So WIBU to expect some help in the garden given everything else I already do?

So they could pick up after themselves from a young age, but now won't because they are lazy and you let them be. Why haven't you told them that they start helping out around the house? Why haven't you started charging them money to live in your house? I pity the poor partner that has to deal with their lazy arses. Are you scared to have a word with your own children? They need to be told to pull their on weight or move out.

They're not even clearing up after themselves! Time to get tough. Sit down and set house rules. If they don't keep the house clean they don't get to have friends : girlfriends over for a start.

You are being an absolute martyr, I do get it, I too have a lazy teenage DS who doesn't do much around the house (maybe a bit more than your DSS) but I don't clean his room - it hasn't been hoovered since he came home from Uni at the beginning of lockdown.

I can understand you want to keep the bits of the house you use nice for yourself but leave their rooms and tough if his friends/girlfriend visit and it is a bit of a state.

@Calic0

Sometimes, I read threads on here about women with ridiculous, cocklodger partners and I wonder how men could actually grow up to act like that.

This is how.

Don’t know what the answer is but I’m sad for you, OP, that you can allow yourself to be so disrespected. I’m not surprised you feel ground down.

I 100% agree with this. Nothing is going to change before you change, find some gumption and put your foot down, OP,

I would suggest the one who works should pay you something, even if they are on minimum wage. The other one needs to find a job and do the same. If they are nocturnal because they're playing games or on their mobiles all night, wifi goes off at 11pm. Until they behave like decent human beings, girl friend/friends will not be welcome in your home. If they don't like it they can leave and find out what living in the real world is like.

For goodness sake OP, don't let them treat you like this. They are making your life a misery.

You really need to stop being such a martyr.

How old are they ffs? If 18 or older, they pay their way and help out or you tell them to leave.

OP, what happened to you that you are such a martyr and skivvy to two strapping lads.

You are teaching them such disrespect for women.

Do not expect to be thanked by any women they meet.
🙄

You are the MOTHER, you are the one in charge, who cares what they want or not want?

I think you are nice to accommodate a nocturnal teen, but I would too frankly. I remember being a teen and the lockdown has been shit.

Apart from that, they are behaving like this because you let them. It's not too bad you have to ask, they are not mind readers, but there's no choice on helping or not!

Go back to a chore chart if they need to go back to basics. 3 of you mean you take turn to cook and clean, they are doing their own laundry, take turn to clean the house etc.. It's not a negotiation or a democracy, it's in their own interest anyway.

Yes, I can well predict the threads from their girlfriends/wives in the future:

"My partner leaves dribble and skid marks all over the toilet but apparently it's my job to clean it up because he works. His mum* is lovely but never taught him to clean up after himself. AIBU?"

• not sure where their dad is but he is equally culpable.

Sorry for the random bold 🙄

Erm who paid for said car that you are borrowing and they think they're doing you a favour? I suspect it was you. They're walking all over you. I would tell them if they won't help then they don't get fed. Tell them to do their own washing. Tell them to clean up after themselves. While ever you continue to do it, they will continue to take the piss.

All Healthy members of the household need to contribute to the upkeep. They need a list of chores. Something big like the fence panels might require some scheduling, but put it on the calendar and insist on all hands on deck.

Having girlfriends and friends over doesn’t need to be a regular occurrence either. That kind of freedom comes with securing your own accommodation.