To ask how do you accept life as it is with its uncertainty and bad things?

[MelancholicMood]

How do you keep a positive, optimistic attitude and "keep going" in life even though there is so much uncertainty and it can change in an instant? It seems like no matter what there is always something to worry about.

Health is the main thing I worry about. Seeing stories in the news about young people suffering from horrible illnesses makes me feel so anxious and upset.

I think a lot of us worry about health at the moment! I'm not terribly good at accepting all the anxiety, I'm afraid.

By focussing on the small things I find in every day that make me smile.

From birdsong and flowers to the sounds of small children playing, DH offering a 23rd cup of tea, the dog doing as he is told, anything! Absolutely anything!

I try to appreciate the good things and focus on what I am able to control.

I was going to start a simialar thread op. I guess focussing on the small things help as bigger concepts such as health, wealth or just being financially secure seem so shaky nowadays.
This year has been sok shit that has left me with a general feeling of meh that is so hard to shift.

By ignoring it. I just focus on the normal parts of life and ignore the unpleasantness. Same approach I take to budgeting, pensions, cleaning toilets, rain.

There is a concept of locus of control that you might find interesting
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/moments-matter/201708/locus-control

Part of the key to avoiding anxiety is to distinguish between things you can control and things you can’t. You can reduce your risk of cancer by not smoking but you can’t guarantee you will never get cancer. More significantly, if you have followed the general health guidelines then you have done all you can to minimise you risk. There is nothing else you can do to change it. eg age is a risk factor for many cancers - you can’t control your age. So it becomes easier to accept that you have done what you can and not worry about what you can’t control.

I am also a big believer in don’t borrow trouble from the future. If something happens in the future I will deal with it at the time. I will stop a worry spiral by literally telling myself that if it does happen then I can worry about it.

Avoid the news and social media.

Enjoy the little things.

Focus only on today, worry changes nothing.

Eat well, sleep well, exercise.

Be kind to yourself.

I will stop a worry spiral by literally telling myself that if it does happen then I can worry about it.

That's very good advice

I ignore what I can’t control and make sure everything I can control is in place to keep my family as safe as possible. We have a load of clean masks by the front door, we socialise less, wash hands when we get back from shops etc.

Try and do stuff like Duolingo or going to the gym to keep my mind off things. Spend time with people I love.

Yoga. If you’ve not tried it I recommend Yoga with Adrienne she has little videos for every mood.

Looking for the positive can be hard, count your blessings. Make plans to change what your not happy with and try to make peace with what you can’t change or control.

Acceptance that I cannot control everything, I can only control my own reactions to those things.

Focusing on what is directly in front of me, directly ahead of me, and trying not to overthink what might be around the proverbial corner.

Being as prepared as I can be should the worst happen - DH knows my wishes if I was ever in a position where I needed something like life support and knows my funeral preferences, I have life insurance, I have a will.

Reminding myself that the world have ever been thus and I am just a small part of a long process.

Taking time to appreciate and enjoy the little things. My loved ones know they are loved, I know I am loved.

Having been a position where I was physically dying of an acute illness that had gotten to the stage where it could go either way, mentally I reached a point of peace where I knew I'd done the best I could with my time, my DC would be looked after, DH would manage, and that it was going to be okay.

The human spirit and the human body are both remarkable things as is modern science. Obviously they all have their limitations but I've been through so much shit in my life and I'm still here, still smiling, still living a normal life. "It is what it is" and "keep plodding on" seem a really reductive way of summing it up but that's basically how I do it.

I have PTSD and anxiety so issues like uncertainty and dealing with bad things come up a lot in therapy.

Over the years, I've learned to accept that shit happens!

I keep things in perspective

Count my blessings every day, go for a run every morning, consume as much wine and chocolate as I want.

I try to practice daily gratitude , it really helps my outlook

Stoicism.

Read “how to be a stoic” by Massimo Pigluicci. It’s a very readable introduction to the principles of stoicism, many of which are applicable to the situation you outline, including

Dichotomy of control: Knowing those things that you can and cannot control. And if it’s something you can’t control, put it out of your mind.

The impermanence of things: nothing, and no one, lasts forever. Favourite possessions get broken, lost or stolen. People, including the ones you love the most, die. Cherish them while you have them, and accept that one day they will be gone.

Stoicism underpins CBT (which you might want to explore OP, if you feel your anxiety is such that it is having a profound effect on your life) and shares principals with many other philosophies and approaches to life including Buddhism and AA ;-)

I think being a pessimist helps here. Or at least, a rather old-fashioned tendency to think of life more as a battle or a job to be done than as something that will necessarily go right or be pleasant all the time.

Both dh and I have found that we have got braver, tougher, since we first realised that our eldest has a chronic condition which is likely to be incurable, that she will have to live all her life with pain and disability and the risk of intrusive suicidal thoughts.

If I put it in words I suppose it would sound something like "My feelings are not the most important thing here. I have a duty towards dd, I must not fail her. If I don't stay strong how can I expect her, whose life is so much harder, to stay strong?" Focusing on the job rather than my thoughts about it.

Yes to pleasure in small things. Conscious techniques like visualising anxious thoughts and parking them somewhere. Having little soothing routines or thoughts. Anything that gets me through, because the job is the thing.

I just do. I have a good life. I see no point in worrying about things I can't control.

When it comes to health worries, I think taking "reasonable measures" can help you feel in control and able to cope with life (it has been helping me and I have very severe health anxiety) E.g:

• attend screenings when asked (smear, breast etc)
• eliminate excessive drinking/eating (enjoying a healthy and balanced diet)
• avoid smoking, sunbeds and things that increase risk
• find an exercise you really enjoy to keep you fit

I think it's also nice to:

• accept that you are going to feel a bit low and rubbish at times. It's normal! Journalling helps me untangle some of my thoughts, and watching really trashy TV takes my mind off things
• have nice things to look forward to (a walk with a friend, weekends away now and again)
• treat yourself (and friends/family/colleagues) to nice things like a cuppa, posh bubble bath, a few luxury items that you enjoy

And finally, to be aware of perception and likelihood. Yes, bad and uncertain things do happen and it's super hard to deal with but once your mind accepts that there is a whole wide range of things that can happen, it's a bit easier to just get on with life

I love all of these replies, thank you. It is helpful knowing that everyone feels like this at times.

It is interesting that a few of you mentioned locus of control and controlling the things you control. I think that is one of the reasons I feel anxious about my health, I know I have not taken the best care of my body that I could. I am slowly making changes like I recently started doing yoga daily (which I have found so soothing and rewarding, I also follow Yoga with Adrienne for the PP who mentioned her) and eating healthier meals but I still have a long way to go.

I also think that part of my anxiety comes from the fact that I don't really feel fulfilled in life yet. I am only in my 20s and there is so much I want to achieve and experience in life. It is this strange case of being both painfully aware of my own mortality but at the same time also behaving and acting as if I have all the time in the world to achieve my goals and get what I want out of life. I had a bit of a health scare a few months ago that thankfully was all fine in the end but it shook me up quite a lot.

I will be implementing the things that have been mentioned including starting a gratitude journal and looking up stoicism. Thank you again for all of the replies. :)

I usually reassure myself about the times I have worried and how it didn't change anything. It's a waste of life. Embrace the little things that make you happy each day. Accept that sometimes you will worry or get upset or stressed, everybody does.

Through physical activity. I have painted walls, garden furniture and fences. I have cleared out cupboards, drawers and larders. I have a clean microwave, fridge and oven.

I have shit nails and an achy back, but at least I'm so tired I can't worry.

I am worried about what happens when I have nothing left to tackle though.

I find getting up and doing something I choose that is positive helps a lot. Sometimes completely pointless like making a new decoration for the garden. Or something more serious like sorting out the bank accounts.

It doesn't matter but doing something at the start of the day always helps me have a decent day.

I also say to myself that everything is ok right now, so even if it all goes to shit tomorrow I can just enjoy today's sun/came/game/whatever while it lasts.

Also if things go wrong, it's not a reflection on me. Usually it is just bad luck.

My FIL (early 70s) has advanced dementia. He rarely knows where he is or who he is with, except MIL. He has frequent falls so now he won't, or can't, walk or even get himself out of bed or dressed in the morning. Now he has major trouble with urinary retention; he can't even pee. I know this sounds awful but seeing how shit his quality of life is has made me appreciate anew how much there is for me to appreciate and enjoy, a nice cup of tea, a walk in the fresh air, some music or a funny TV show or podcast, literally just knowing who and where I am and being able to connect with people around me.