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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Theft - Wwyd?

52 replies

Stolen321 · 25/08/2020 23:44

I’ve noticed a few things go walk abouts in my house, the first few things I put down to me maybe misplacing as I never thought anyone would steal.

£200 gone missing and I thought everyone I’ve had in my house I thought I trusted. I have no children/teens, just a partner, a family member who lives with us, one person who comes over apart of our bubble and there’s been another family friend popping in (when i’m around).

My partner has helped me look for it, and the other three I thought would have asked if they needed to borrow cash (but wouldn’t have needed to and they’ve never asked).

I’ve definitely not spent it as it’s been put up for me to put into the bank for bills/petrol.

I feel sick, I’ve searched and searched knowing that it wouldn’t have been put anywhere else. I could put up a camera and a trap but this money has been in a cupboard for quite a while and could have gone for a walk over any period of time.

I’m not sure what I’m really asking as if I was to ask anyone I feel I would be accusing them. I know the potential thief wouldn’t do it in front of the others.

I guess I won’t know who’s took it but it’s one of the four, and if I dismiss one person I thought may have took it (I’m getting paranoid that it could have been anyone of them) and it was the wrong one it would be crushing to them. However I don’t want a thief in my house - I’m more worried about having someone I trusted in my house than the actual money that has gone.

OP posts:
NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 26/08/2020 06:05

What other things, besides the cash, have gone walkabout and does what those things are help you to work out who might have stolen them?

Gingerkittykat · 26/08/2020 07:58

Would the people who visit look in cupboards?

What room was it in? Was it an accessible cupboard like where you keep your cups or more hidden.

AlwaysLatte · 26/08/2020 08:07

Set up traps : leave a pre-counted stack of money out when only one person at a time is in the house so you know who it is.

RedHelenB · 26/08/2020 08:11

It could have got lost. I had some vouchers for Christmas shopping in a drawer and they disappeared. Somehow they'd fallen right behind the kitchen units.

With my Miss Marple hat on I would guess partner

justilou1 · 26/08/2020 08:14

I would go quiet about it for a couple of weeks and then set up a camera and a trap. I can’t stand not being able to know who to trust (or not.) Unfortunately I caught my teenage son with sticky fingers this way. The evidence was sent to my phone. I rang his phone while he was in my room.

Beautiful3 · 26/08/2020 08:20

I think its important to know, because its going to keep happening. I'd set up a camera and money trap. Growing up my eldest brother was the source of missing money.

Apolloanddaphne · 26/08/2020 08:27

Who all knew you had that money and where it was? Was it well hidden?

mummmy2017 · 26/08/2020 08:32

Cut up some paper.
Stick it in an envelope and write a note.
You sick theft.
How dare you steal from me, I trusted you and you ruined our plans by stealing from us.
How can you face yourself in the mirror.
If you have any soul left, post an envelope and the money back.

Original poster
Stolen321 · 26/08/2020 10:33

@Beautiful3

I think its important to know, because its going to keep happening

That’s the thing that’s bothering me the most. That it’s going to keep happening.

To cut a long story short, during lockdown I’ve had a huge clear out of various things and put it on FB/eBay collection. I ‘earned’ around £600 overall (I’ve sat and worked it out), and I haven’t really dipped into that money at all - I’ve probably dipped into £200-250 at a push.

Apart from £30 it’s all gone. They all knew where it was hidden as if someone came to the door to collect an item I would put the money in the ‘hiding place’ but that hiding place was more for incase burglars would come in in the middle of the night.

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 26/08/2020 10:37

Sit them all down and tell them the money has gone missing and you believe it is one of them. Tell them that whoever took it needs to replace it working 48 hours or you are reporting it to the police. Hopefully whoever has taken it will confess or replace it.

Angelina82 · 26/08/2020 10:47

Can you think why any of these people would need to steal? Any of them lost their job recently or have an addiction to feed or anything like that? Is there any specific person your partner suspects? How long have you been with your partner?

contrmary · 26/08/2020 10:58

Set up a hidden camera and lure them in with some money. You can get loads of cheap hidden cameras on Amazon or Wish. Disguised as pens, usb sockets, coat hooks - my favourite is the lightbulb or smoke alarm camera because it's looking down and can cover a wider area.

Sparklesocks · 26/08/2020 11:00

I would speak to them individually and explain you’re worried that the money was stolen as you’ve looked everywhere and it’s looking likely to be the only explanation for its whereabouts, and ask if they have any thoughts on that and what’s happened. You might be able to get a read on them based on their reaction.

CareBear50 · 26/08/2020 11:03

37Apolloanddaphne

Sit them all down and tell them the money has gone missing and you believe it is one of them. Tell them that whoever took it needs to replace it working 48 hours or you are reporting it to the police. Hopefully whoever has taken it will confess or replace it.

Shemeanswell · 26/08/2020 11:03

I’d say partner too. Maybe not all at once, maybe just took £20 here and there, but it all adds up.

CareBear50 · 26/08/2020 11:04

Sorry posted too soon!!! Do NOT do the above. Police couldn't care less..set a trap as others have said. Get your evidence on film. Do not tell your partner what you plan to do

2pinkginsplease · 26/08/2020 11:05

I would do what @AlwaysLatte said and only have one in the house at a time and check money once they have gone.

A hidden camera from amazon or eBay would be a good investment as then you would would have visual proof,

SBTLove · 26/08/2020 11:06

I’d say it’s the family member who lives with you if you completely trust your DP.
Just be straight and ask them if they’ve used any of your money, usually it’s obvious someone’s lying.

Amber0685 · 26/08/2020 11:11

OP I would get a camera. It is the only way to remove any doubt. Set a trap, making a point of showing all 4 you are leaving money there and wait. I'm sorry someone has betrayed you like this.

JulesCobb · 26/08/2020 11:15

Think id set up my phone as a camera and sell something else. No thief is going to own up to thieving. A partner once helped me search through my house for £100, then another £100 a few months later, even emptying the outside bins. Turns out it was him who stole it. Both times. No addictions. No habits. Just utterly shit with money and no issue with lying and lying.

Seeline · 26/08/2020 11:20

I reckon if everyone knew where it was, they've probably just been taking the odd £20 here and there - you've probably even done it yourself. Sit down and really think about what you have spent and when. Money soon disappears when it's just sat there, available.

Apolloanddaphne · 26/08/2020 11:21

@CareBear50 I am aware the police wouldn't be interested. I wasn't actually suggesting OP do this, just to say she was going to do it in the hope the culprit fessed up or returned the money.

ButterflyWitch · 26/08/2020 11:21

Could you do something like tell them all you think it's been stolen, and you're reporting it to the police, (no need to infer that you suspect them, say you've no idea who it could have been...) and they'll likely all have to be interviewed to give witness statements, but you just hope you've misplaced it and it turns up...... and see if that prompts a surprise return of the missing cash? If it doesn't turn up, I'd genuinely still consider reporting to police - it's not an insignificant amount

justilou1 · 26/08/2020 11:22

Obviously tell no one that you are setting up a hidden camera, or it won’t work.

FloreanFortescue · 26/08/2020 11:30

Aw this happened to my step mum. DF set up a camera and caught a family friend.