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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Theft - Wwyd?

52 replies

Stolen321 · 25/08/2020 23:44

I’ve noticed a few things go walk abouts in my house, the first few things I put down to me maybe misplacing as I never thought anyone would steal.

£200 gone missing and I thought everyone I’ve had in my house I thought I trusted. I have no children/teens, just a partner, a family member who lives with us, one person who comes over apart of our bubble and there’s been another family friend popping in (when i’m around).

My partner has helped me look for it, and the other three I thought would have asked if they needed to borrow cash (but wouldn’t have needed to and they’ve never asked).

I’ve definitely not spent it as it’s been put up for me to put into the bank for bills/petrol.

I feel sick, I’ve searched and searched knowing that it wouldn’t have been put anywhere else. I could put up a camera and a trap but this money has been in a cupboard for quite a while and could have gone for a walk over any period of time.

I’m not sure what I’m really asking as if I was to ask anyone I feel I would be accusing them. I know the potential thief wouldn’t do it in front of the others.

I guess I won’t know who’s took it but it’s one of the four, and if I dismiss one person I thought may have took it (I’m getting paranoid that it could have been anyone of them) and it was the wrong one it would be crushing to them. However I don’t want a thief in my house - I’m more worried about having someone I trusted in my house than the actual money that has gone.

OP posts:

AssamorEarlGrey · 26/08/2020 11:31

Just be straight and ask them if they’ve used any of your money, usually it’s obvious someone’s lying

This isn't always the case by any means. Some people lie easily and repeatedly. The only way to catch them out them is with proof. Even then, some will try to lie their way out of it.

BottomOfMyPencilCase · 26/08/2020 11:33

I haven’t really dipped into that money at all - I’ve probably dipped into £200-250 at a push
First of all, work out how much money is missing. Actually check how much you were given (not just 'around' £600) and then write down everything you've spent.
I'd ask everyone who you suspect to help you remember what you spent the money on. Firstly because it lets them know that you have noticed money is missing but secondly, because your approach to money seems a little adhoc and you might have forgotten something you've bought. I'm assuming you checked the amounts of money you were given from your customers and didn't just take it on faith that they gave you the correct amount?

IlanaWexler · 26/08/2020 11:35

I bet you've spent it on something (perhaps several things) and forgotten about it. It's easily done...

mummmy2017 · 26/08/2020 11:36

Since this is now getting far to much to just pass of, I really would set up the camera and tell no one.
Brag about how much is in the cupboard, add what they think is more money and catch your culprit.
Otherwise this will drive you mad, because you don't know who to trust.

HollowTalk · 26/08/2020 11:37

Is there anyone who seems to have a bit more money than they would have otherwise? Who's ordering takeaways or drinking more? It would have to be something they could pay for with cash rather than online.

HollowTalk · 26/08/2020 11:38

Has anything else gone missing besides money?

growinggreyer · 26/08/2020 11:39

Set up a trap, it's the only way you will find peace of mind. And in future, don't have money laying around at home. People can do bank transfers from their phones now or use Paypal. What else has been taken? Would they be things that can easily be sold for cash?

Babyg1995 · 26/08/2020 11:43

This happened to me it was my partner well now ex partner for that reason he also helped me look for it .

Angelina82 · 26/08/2020 11:45

bet you've spent it on something (perhaps several things) and forgotten about it. It's easily done...

In your world it might be easy to spend 600 quid and not notice. Obviously not in OP’s and many other people’s though.

scoobydoo1971 · 26/08/2020 11:49

Leave a sarcastic note at the place you keep money implying you know who it is. As others have suggested, deploy a nanny cam. Look close to your home for the suspects, and then ponder why they are stealing...drugs, gambling, bullying/ bribery etc. My ex was in a highly respected profession requiring huge amount of trust and ethics, and presented himself as a truly dedicated, loyal partner to all who met him. I trusted him 100%. In reality, he stole keys out of my bag to my workshop while I was in hospital having a tumour removed. He stole various valuable items from there, and weeks later after I went in and found out...he denied he had taken them. He looked me in the eye and said I had imagined I bought these items as I was on heavy opiates post-operatively (gaslighting much?), or maybe I had taken them to the local tip by accident. Only he didn't know my son had seen these items in his van in the previous week...he sweetly returned some of them in an instant, with sweat dripping in beads as he thought I would call the police (goodbye job). I dumped him on the spot as I cannot abide thieves, as he tried to explain that he didn't think I mean't 'those' items. However, since then I have found a bag of expensive jewellery, ornaments and household items that he had slowly removed from my house (we didn't live together but he was here a lot). It was stashed in an outbuilding in a bag...we assume he was waiting to see if I missed them before selling on I suppose. He also took my USB stick with my accounts for my business on them. I had a copy, but had to improve security around my bank accounts. I also had trouble with someone hacking into my Amazon account who knew more than your average scammer...place of birth, date of birth etc.

I have since uncovered that he had lots of debts and perhaps a gambling problem from talking to a mutual acquaintance. Shocking behaviour...but when people get desperate, they do terrible stuff if they have no morals.

lifesalongsong · 26/08/2020 11:50

@IlanaWexler

I bet you've spent it on something (perhaps several things) and forgotten about it. It's easily done...

Apart from the fact that spending any actual cash is pretty much impossible at the moment what kind of person spends hundreds of £££ and forgets and thinks they've been robbed

nc600 · 26/08/2020 11:59

Where's jezza when you need him?

Are any of them drug addicts?

Are you sure you've not hid it as it seems a bit weird that you were obsessively hiding it every time someone knocked on the door?

IlanaWexler · 26/08/2020 12:03

@Angelina82 It's not £600, it's "about £200" over the course of several months. & OP doesn't know how much she should have or how much she's spent, so I think it's entirely plausible to lose track of it tbh (unless she's been doing 100% of her shopping online I suppose).

SerendipityJane · 26/08/2020 12:04

Personally I'd get a safe and that would be that. And if anyone asked, tell them why.

Probably an age thing, but all this camera/trap stuff seems far too much like a TV show.

LagunaBubbles · 26/08/2020 12:05

Do you trust your partner?

Evilwasps · 26/08/2020 12:12

If any of them has a liking for gambling, drink or drugs, or has debt, I'd suspect them first. Just becuase you know them well and they've never done anything like this doesn't mean they wouldn't. When you find out who it is I bet they tell you they were just 'borrowing' it to pay an unexpected bill and were going to put it back. Don't fall for that nonsense, they'd have asked if they wanted a loan

bridgetreilly · 26/08/2020 12:15

When you say you've 'dipped into it here and there' I really would sit down and add up how much of it you actually spent and how much is really gone. It may not be quite as much as you think. Which still doesn't make it okay, and there are still problems of trust, and you still need to deal with it. But if it turns out to be nearer £50 than £200, I think it's a slightly different conversation.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/08/2020 12:19

Yeah, traps are ok if you’ve got anything to trap Them with. And what if it doesnt work? That’s another 200 quid down the Swanee.

LovingLola · 26/08/2020 12:22

They all knew where it was hidden as if someone came to the door to collect an item I would put the money in the ‘hiding place’

That sounds like you took the money in and out of the hiding place?

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 26/08/2020 12:22

Confronting them won't help; they're ready to lie, just like they were ready to take it.

You'll have to set them up. Put money in there again, tell everyone you've sold some more items, and see what happens.

If nothing happens, likely it was your partner. He'll know you're watching for it now.

StrongTea · 26/08/2020 12:24

Is anyone due to be paid within the next couple of days? Maybe borrowed it?

SirVixofVixHall · 26/08/2020 12:25

What were the other missing things OP ?

ElsieMc · 26/08/2020 12:36

Yes, this takes me back to Jeremy Kyle. I always found the thief episodes to be the most shocking particularly the Irish sisters, one of whom had been stealing from their mother and it was the one who had actually called the show.

What I am saying is prepared to be shocked op. I think you are being stolen from, no doubt about it and your gut instinct is telling you the same.

I ran a domicillary care business many years ago and I was called out to take on an emergency contract. The family interviewed me and the first question was what would I do if a staff member was suspected of stealing from an elderly client. Turned out they had caught their longstanding, trusted carer stealing. The poor lady was in tears telling me if only she had asked, she would have given her any money she wanted. So awful. An abuse of trust.

Make sure that it is only the four who could have done this op. I suspect you may know in your heart. A family member stole money from us, including my mum and sister and worse. I always knew.

I hope you can put an end to this op for all your sakes.

PandaToTheMasses · 26/08/2020 12:51

I'd also add, take pictures of all of your cash you have lying around, with their serial numbers. You might find it migrated into some else's wallet later on. This worked for me when I caught someone.
Plus keep a journal of who is in the house when, and do a regular count of the cash to match up with it.
Asking people directly won't work, and don't let anyone know you are being more alert.

hastingsmua1 · 26/08/2020 13:01

All you can really do is distance yourself from them until this is resolved (if ever). I don’t think you’re punishing anyone frankly, the 3 innocent parties should be just as annoyed as you are and would be understanding if you no left cash around, or kept a locked box, or set up a camera etc.

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