Financial split

[Changeit2020]

Moving in together. His outgoings have been huge, 1k a month.

He moves into my house. Low outgoings due to lots of equity. He’ll now be contributing towards food, small bills and mortgage - so £200.

Would you be expecting that he would benefit from the reduction in his outgoings because it’s an equal split, or would you assume he’d pay more.

I’m really not sure what I think so advice would be gratefully received.

YABU - the plan is fair
YANBU - he should pay more

It doesn’t make sense to look at difference from what you were paying separately.

I would look at how you split the costs (50/50 or whatever), how much of your incomes that is, and if there’s a big difference in the amount you both have left each month.

@Nosuchluck

I’d probably ask for £650 per month which is the middle amount between £300 which I think is too low and the £1000 he used to pay.

Why is it too low? It's half the outgoings

Why should rent be nominal? I'm not really understanding that. Surely he should pay 50% of what rent would be? Perhaps with a discount as his landlady is also his GF. But I'm struggling to understand why she should be paying her mortgage while he is saving cash? Makes no sense to me.

It's a bit unclear from your posts, but it seems that this is a mutually beneficial arrangement, so that seems fair

The op is giving up sole use of her home, that deserves to be compensated by some level of "rent" in addition to sharing bills.

Perhaps the op would like the opportunity to save some money?

His previous outgoing are irrelevant imo. I would calculate the average for ALL bills including council tax, and then get him to pay half. Would also get a joint account just for food, and each put £150 a month in there unless you have kids.

I don't really follow all the details but my instinct is that OP should set her DP's contributions at a fairly low level, e.g. roughly at a level that'd make OP slightly better off than before he moved in.

He shouldn't really be paying her 'rent'. He arguably should be paying half, or a bit less than half, of mortgage interest (only, not covering actual principal repayments unless he's going to become a part owner, which I assume isn't teh case here)

It's fair if it's half the outgoings. He shouldn't contribute towards your mortgage unless he has a share in the house. Presume you are better off by him moving in?

When DH moved into my house is split the costs 50/50 and added £50 for wear and tear/repairs/carpets etc that may need replacing.

He saved the difference as did I, do we eventually brought a house together.

He should pay rent. He’d pay rent elsewhere.

I’d also suggest a separate account for future holidays. As and when these might be back to normal.

Why shouldn't he be contributing to her mortgage? If he was living in rented accomodation he'd be paying someone else's mortgage. I get that she shouldn't be profiting but really, he needs to pull his weight. His arrival should help both of them.

You can’t say it’s a contribution towards the mortgage. It has to be some sort of living costs, rent, board, etc

It should be a 50% split. Why would he pay more just because he used to pay more? If you wanted that that would place you in a CF category.

I find the rent vs mortgage debate in these situations so weird. Rent, at least in my experience, is higher than a mortgage so the OP could make money charging rent. I assume you ask someone to move in because you love each-other- otherwise get a lodger. Split all costs50/50- fine call it “rent” for legal sake but don’t seek to make money. If someone did this to me moving in with them I’d tell them to stick it

If his bills were 1k and your bills were £600 then you should both come out with the same amount of money that you are saving with the living arrangements (nothing to do with your wages).

So he should pay £500

Will you be using all your equity as a deposit when you eventually get a joint mortgage. Suppose he only has £5k to put down and you have £100k. Protect yourself.
Treat him as a lodger financially rather than a lover. Lodgings in your house cost £100 a week and you kindly include the contents of the food cupboards. Once the £100 a week is in your (joint) housekeeping account it matters not what you spend it on. If you choose to pay your mortgage from your own personal account then reduce the amount you put in the housekeeping account by half the mortgage payment.

If you both put in £100 a week (or let's say £80 a week from you if you pay mortgage from your personal account) and you build up a float, well that can be used for treats such as special meals or a night away. There's no law that says every penny of his contribution must be accounted for and spent each month - it's good practice to build up a cushion in your housekeeping account for sudden expenses etc. As long as both of you can view the housekeeping account, it's sensible.
I have 3 related adults here and we all put £600 each into the housekeeping account. Bills are just over £1k so we build up quite a big float. We never give refunds. But we do treat ourselves as a family, and if we are hosting extended family the costs come from housekeeping, even if we are taking relatives out for a meal we pay from housekeeping. Takeaway - housekeeping, hedges trimmed - housekeeping, new curtains - housekeeping.

If I were you I would open up your online banking and go back 3 months then scroll through and note down each payment you have made towards household expenses in that time, (or a month if you think that will capture everything and your monthly outgoings dont fluctuate much), then divide that by 2 or in proportion to your income (whichever the two of you feel is fairer). You will no doubt find way more bills than you think. I keep a spreadsheet of all our household outgoings so we know what we need to pay in each month, for illustration here's what's on it:

Council tax
Gas and electricity
Life insurance
Repayments for our sofas
Contents and buildings insurance
TV license
Mortgage
TV and broadband
Water
Boiler servicing (happens once a year but we pay 1/12th into the joint account each month)
Car insurance
Food budget (500)
Car tax
Childcare
Pet insurance
Spotify
10% buffer (which we usually let build up then spend on Christmas or if there's something unexpected like we've recently needed a new washing machine)

There's a lot once you start to go through it!

Regardless of male/female in this situation id expect 50/50 on the bulls bar the mortgage as it’s not in joint names and they have no rights and can be asked to leave at any point with no recourse. They could put some money aside for a new joint mortgage though if that’s on the cards.

I’d not expect one person to pay more whilst dating simply because they earn more or their outgoing staff had decreased.

If he's happy with that as a contribution then it seems fine. Only on here would people think he's hard done by and paying off your mortgage, in the meantime he's also going to be massively better off living with you

food, small bills and mortgage...300

You're being incredibly naive.
Firstly - what the difference n your incomes?
Cos if yours is lower, then you paying 50% of everything leaves you with less after bills etc - whilst he benefits.

You also need to be extra careful - make sure there is a written record somewhere clarifying that he's paying you 'rent' - otherwise he can claim a financial interest in your property if you claim he's helping you pay off your mortgage.

If he pays for any renovations/refurb/works on your house he can also claim a financial interest.

Things like paying for safety checks for boilers, household insurance, wear and tear - you will end up paying for it out of your own pocket.
So his 'rent' needs to include this otherwise he just benefits from everything whilst you pay for it all despite being on a lower wage.

You need to add up all your bills for groceries,insurance, internet, phone, utilities, council tax (cos you lose your single person discount), basically everything that he will be using/benefit from living with you.
Then you can either do 50/50 or proportionally based on your incomes.

His 'rent' is on top of his contribution to the above - and it pays for all the stuff like wear n tear, replacement of broken stuff etc.

Considering he earns so much and knows what a huge improvement he will see in his outgoings once he moves in with you - and knows what it involves to have your own place - offering you £300 all in is a fucking joke.
Or is he leaving the 'thinking' to you and then just agreeing despite knowing it takes the piss?

Just wanted to give you all an update as I really appreciated your thoughts when I posted.

I worked out all my house related bills —it was £700 and then I buy food on top. So his contribution would’ve been very low.

I did what you all said and talked to him about my thoughts. I showed him my outgoings and I explained that I pay lots for shopping on top etc. After much discussion, we agreed that he would put exactly the same amount into our life. He has now set up a bank account for us, which he pays £700 per month into - so he matches my static outgoings. We’re going to use that account to cover all the food shopping and anything left over well either use for day trips, meals out or if we want to buy something for the house, a new duvet, or garden furniture or whatever. Some months we might have some left over so we’ll possibly have some savings.. or maybe just blow it all on a weekend away.

The new arrangement sits really comfortably with me. Thanks all for your input. Very much appreciated.

That sounds fair, your initial amounts seemed very low, so it's good you went and actually worked it all out. He'll be saving £300 a month and it sounds like you'll end up with enough for fun spends as a couple and either some joint savings or a nice trip etc out of it

The new arrangement sounds reasonably fair. Other than your £700 is being partly used to pay off your mortgage, so is generating an asset for you.

Whereas his £700 is going to be completely spent on things for you jointly. I don’t think that is fair, you are getting a future benefit out of your £700, he is not. I think the amount he puts into the joint account should be something like £500 at a push £600.

I agree with the posters who have earlier said that what he used to pay in bills when he lived alone is totally irrelevant, couples normally get a financial advantage by moving in together and sharing costs.

It does sound fair the new arrangement. Make sure you have access to this new account he has set up. Full access (online, your own card etc)

Charging only £300 is not enough. As his bills were £1,000 at his rented place, how do you know he isn't a cocklodger?

Until such time as you know you have a committed relationship that is working, you should charge him a realistic rent as well as splitting most bills. However, mortgage, home Insurance and maybe 75% Council Tax should be yours as that is what you would have to pay anyway.

_He should pay:
Rent (at market value)
25% Council Tax
50% Gas
50% Electricity
50% Water Rates/ metered water charge
50% Food/cleaning products

Why is he paying for the;TV package? Is it because he wants things that you don't need if by yourself?
You state you intend to get a mortgage together eventually. Will you ensure you protect the equity you have then from your own property?

Gosh, it’s really hard work isn’t it. I almost wish he’d just kept his own place
Well, that doesn't bode well already.

@dontdisturbmenow

Add all the bills. If he pays half towards the mortgage bill as 'rent', that's fine. 8ncludectgectv package that he is paying.Then divide the final figure by 2.

You also need a discussion of who pays what in terms of maintenance, repairs, new furniture, electric goods etc...

also moving forward, how will you ring fence your equity?