If my mum goes out for a meal with my db she always seems to mention, oh he wouldn’t let me pay a penny

[Lardlizard]

Aibu to find this needless info a bit crass

‘That’s nice.’ should cover it.

Presumably when you go out you split the bill?

Or you could mention your friend whose mother always pays the whole bill whenever they go out. But life’s a bit short.

As a Mother it is actually really nice to be treated to a meal by one of my children...who are all in their twenties . Why does it annoy you?

Is it really a problem? If it worries you, pay for her coffee.

It's pathetic and sadly quite common. DM used to do this all the time to me and my siblings, boasting about what the others did for her; presents she was given, meals they cooked. Childish tactics that should be ignored for your own sanity.

It makes her feel nice to be treated, and she’s sharing that with you. It would be crass if she put it on Facebook. Mentioning it to her own daughter is just that, no big deal.

@Grandmi

I don’t think she’s saying it bothers her that DB treated their DM. She’s wondering why DM feels the need to let her know. Is it a dig that OP doesn’t pay? Or a brag that her DS is so amazing ? Who knows. But it’s not very tasteful and would be exactly the same as you saying oh my friends mum pays for everything for my friend. So lovely. 🙄

If you are splitting the bill I would take that as a snidey dig that you don't do the same.

It would annoy me too.

My mother likes to sneak off for a fag when it comes time to pay the bill. Has she tried that one yet? I suspect my brother subs her quite often.

Do you not tell your husband if someone treats you?

It doesn’t bother me he pays at all as he’s borrows thousands off her over the years for things like cats etc and not repaid
But that’s her/there business

I just find it odd the way she says it
Hard to explain really, it’s like fair enough to Say she’s been out for a meal with him etc
But I just find that extra bit of info kinda crass

I smile and nod or say oh right
While thinking well he owes you thousands and internally shrug my shoulders

Ignore her she’s playing you off against each other, she probably says similar to him about you.

But in saying that my mom used to say that my bro never had any money off her for shopping or petrol money, not that he ever did much for her. Yet when she died he stole all of her money, it was almost like he felt she owed him for the rare lift or bit of shopping.

Aweebawbee She’s like that with presents too lists all her gifts off to you or shows you them all in person

You must be nice then because I would actually point out that he owes her thousands!
Once I was working I always used to pay for meals for my DPs but I very much doubt they mentioned it to my siblings. I can see why it annoys you.

Mcmooberry I’ve been tempted to say that!! But I don’t I smile and nod

I ignore the digs as I get them too. Dad always paid hers so she prob expects it. I temp so I wouldnt always have it if work not regular.

Me and dad would compete as to who paid. I’d say I was off to the toilet and pay, he’d go to the bar for a pint and pay. No boasting, just a genuine desire to treat one another.

I too would be reminding her that he should bloody pay for her given the thousands he owes her.

Why does it bother you? Does she expect you to pay for her as well or something?

I’m just wondering if others find it a bit crass too
I know loads of grandparents that say pay for things like school shoes but I wouldn’t dream of saying oh x grandparent has bought all the kids shoes again
I’d just feel embarrassed

Oh lord, you are very kind.

Only you know if there is an implied dig...

If so...

I definitely would be saying with a big smile "that's good to hear, when you have given him thousands".

It depends on how she says it, if she was gloating or pleased, everyone likes a free lunch.
My DM would mention Dbro gave her an expensive gift though she'd always play it down, she knew he had lots of money but was time poor. DM always appreciated the time and little things too, we give what we can it isn't always the monetary value.

In terms of us paying for her, last time we were away with her for a few days, 3 days
We paid for everything drinks snacks breakfast lunch dinners car parking petrol
And she only offered one time to pay 20 quid towards her own evening meal and that was on the 2nd night
The rest of the time just didn’t mention anything when say then my lunch bill came
And then again getting ice creams later etc after lunch
Just puts her order in

So taking her away for 3,days certainly add ups

Why would you smile and nod?!

'Did he? Good! He owes you bloody thousands doesn't he - nice to see you can squeeze a few coppers back haha!'

And a nice friendly laugh as if it's all a sweet family joke.

You'll make your point and she might think a bit more... and stop that endlessly irritating starry-eyed thing that some women do about grabby entitled shits of sons...

Given your update I think your DM is a freeloader and a C.F. Sorry.

My brother and I are on different planets when it comes to income. He is loaded and I’m not. When I have some spare I will treat my mum even just to tea and cake because it’s nice to be able to do it. More often than not she treats me to dining out

I have been tempted to say well that knocks off a tiny dent in the tens of thousands he owes you !
But it wouldn’t be worth it

Perhaps I could try n find a middle ground reply though
Even oh right .... feels a bit arsey