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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go away the bank holiday because of toddler sleeping

69 replies

xxxJess123xxx · 24/08/2020 23:46

hi all,
Meant to be going away the weekend. Didn't cost us anything as family caravan.
Toddler is 19 months. DD is 4. Both sleep no bother at home, put in bed, walk out, no wake ups etc.
We tried camping the other night on family land with few other family members. Failed tremendously and toddler screamed for an hour and a half with no luck getting him to sleep.
Packed up and went home (a 10 min drive)
Now I'm thinking I cant be arsed with going away if he isn't going to sleep as its not enjoyable and I'd rather put them to bed at home and have time to ourselves indoors of an evening.
Partner wants to go away but also said that toddler would sleep at camping and I knew he wouldn't.
He has never stayed away from home.
AIBU to not go away

OP posts:
Tomatoesneedtoripen · 25/08/2020 06:51

Is he difficult in other ways op?

HoneyBee03 · 25/08/2020 06:55

I totally understand, we stayed at a friends house with DS recently and he woke up constantly, confused about where he was and I hardly slept at all. We also tried camping and it was horrendous, DH and I vowed to not bother staying in the tent again for a very long time.

Is the caravan far away? Or is it close enough that you could head home if it was really difficult? I know everyone is saying about making a rod for your own back but you're not going to have a good time if you're all exhausted and irritable.

welshladywhois40 · 25/08/2020 06:58

My toddler struggles to adapt to new sleeping situations. We camps a few weeks back and I have to share a compartment with him and sleep by him. If I leave him alone he cries to as the new environment is scarey. So we kept him up till 9 and I went to bed with him.

We also stayed in a caravan and again i shared a bed with him. No chance of getting him in a travel cot now.

We want him to get used to sleeping in different situations so we are going to keep trying plus I love going away

UnicornAndSparkles · 25/08/2020 07:03

I agree with you OP; sleep is important and if you're not going to enjoy your weekend away, why go?

None of this making a rod nonsense. Its utterly unhelpful "advice".

MrsJBaptiste · 25/08/2020 07:03

Not really fair that the 4 year old (and your DH) miss out because you don't want to have a bad night's sleep.

A caravan is nothing like a tent so go and I bet you'll find that it's nothing like when you went camping.

chocolatviennois · 25/08/2020 07:10

I think it is the travel cot that is the problem. My ds never settled in one. I would try and find another solution for nights away. I also think that by the second night he’d get used to a new location. Even as an adult I find it hard to get to sleep on the first night of a holiday. I would go ahead with your trip.

Yearinyearout · 25/08/2020 07:13

Caravan is totally different to camping. Maybe take his own bedding from home, be a bit more flexible about bedtime, and just go with the flow.

Ragwort · 25/08/2020 07:13

As another poster says, suggest your DH goes with the four year old and you stay home with the toddler. Why should they miss out on a holiday?

Flev · 25/08/2020 07:19

Could you try him in his travel cot at home for a couple of nights before you go? That way there would be less change for him.

We tried this with our toddler before Christmas as she was horrific to get to bed on a previous holiday and it definitely helped. I did have to spend about an hour in the room with her on the first night but after that all naps and sleeps were fine. I guess it makes sense in some ways, they are very small and a bit scared on a new place on their own so need the reassurances of a parent being there.

ErinBrockovich · 25/08/2020 07:21

Yeah I agree with the people saying let DP go with the older child. He obviously wants the break and you seem happier to be at home. What’s the harm for the sake of a weekend?

WhyIsItSoHardToPickAUsername · 25/08/2020 07:23

My 4yo has always had trouble getting to sleep the first night we go anywhere, he's fine by the next night.
We just accept that the first night will be difficult. We go away regularly.

uglyface · 25/08/2020 07:27

Tbh half the point of going away is to be able to sit and enjoy a glass of something nice after the kids have gone to bed!

Does he transfer asleep? Ours still doesn’t at nearly 2, but lots of friends have had success with bath, pjs, milk then long buggy walks at bedtime.

Napqueen1234 · 25/08/2020 07:35

I would go. We went away with a 7 month old (were worried about sleep) last week but desperately needed a change of scene. It doesn’t last forever but it’s pretty boring for everyone if you have to have the exact same routine every single night for years to get your child to sleep. Does it need to fall on you? Could you and Dh do shifts (9pm-1am, 1am-6am) so if he keeps waking one of you gets a solid sleep and you can still enjoy your weekend? Somewhere new and new actives might wear him out and he will sleep well!

OhTheRoses · 25/08/2020 07:36

DS did not sleep in a travel cot. Ever. Not at day nursery, not at my mother's, not on holiday. And sleeping with me was much too exciting. He wasn't a great sleeper at the best of times. Absolutely fine once he was in a bed.

Go but accept sleep will be hard.

Thefab3 · 25/08/2020 07:37

Op , I totally hear you. And some people really don’t get this . Me and my dh are from different countries and lived abroad from family in different countries when our kids were babies and toddlers. We travelled loads with small kids to visit family to go on holidays and our kids would take hours to settle when away and often slept crap no matter how much we had done.
The amount of times I heard “ oh my kids are used to traveling, they’ll sleep anywhere” , we have been abroad so many times with small kids, camping, staying in many different places etc.
They eventually grew out of it aged 4ish , so it’s fine with our older two now , my youngest is three so getting there but will still takes hours to settle when away and get up at the crack of dawn regardless when away.
I’m glad we travelled loads with kids and had to so we could see family but a lot of the holidays were totally exhausting and we were so sleep deprived we didn’t enjoy them.
Do whatever works for you and your family.

lifesalongsong · 25/08/2020 07:38

Why is everyone so determined you should go?

You know your child best, why would you knowingly choose to spend time doing something you know isn't going to work? He's a toddler for heaven's sake, not going away for 3 days is going to have zero effect on his life and if going will have a negative effect on yours don't go, let your DP and older child if he wants to sleep away from home and meet them during the day if it's not too far.

Isawthathaggis · 25/08/2020 08:01

The only way to get ‘go and sleep anywhere’ children is to take them to other places and get them to sleep.

OhTheRoses · 25/08/2020 08:04

Isawthathaggis said by someone who has never had a truly poor sleeper.

user1493413286 · 25/08/2020 08:09

I know what you mean and at times I’ve felt the same when DD was a baby and with current baby DS but I think with a toddler you’re going to end up in a situation where you never go away which could go on years. Could you try getting the travel cot out before you go and letting your DS become comfortable with it?

BluePaintSample · 25/08/2020 08:15

@OhTheRoses

Isawthathaggis said by someone who has never had a truly poor sleeper.
The OP has got 2 children who go straight to sleep at home, so not a poor sleeper.

How far away is the caravan from your house? Could you travel home if it is horrific and travel back in the morning with the toddler?

I do think that a caravan is much more like a normal space than a tent.

I couldn't not do something for fear of something that may not happen. You don't know if he will sleep in the caravan. Your 4 year old is having their life dictated by their sibling.

BiblioX · 25/08/2020 08:17

I’m in the this too shall pass camp. I won’t risk my toddler sleep for anything and it really isn’t long in the whole grand scheme of things.

Singlebutmarried · 25/08/2020 08:21

BIL and SIL were always ultra precious about their kids sleeping away from home. They’re now 9 and 12 and still kick up a stink if they have to stay elsewhere.

They’ve been taught to scream and they get their own way in most situations.

I feel for the kids as they’re now (the older one particularly) are starting to realise that screaming doesn’t always work and is subsequently having massive issues since starting Secondary last September

BendingSpoons · 25/08/2020 08:25

OP I am in the exact same situation as you! DS is 18m. We have stayed away from home 3 times in the last few months. Night one is generally 2 hours to get him to sleep, night two about an hour then not too bad. If he is in the room with us he usually wakes in the night too. (We can't put him in with DD or she doesn't get enough sleep). Two of these times were in a proper cot like his at PILs. We have a long weekend booked. We are going to go as it is booked and paid and DD will enjoy it. (So will we in the day). But if we hadn't already booked it I wouldn't be now! I don't blame you not wanting to.

Also this rod for your back stuff, DD was the same (good at home, awful away) and has slept like a dream from 3ish, even away. As she got older we could explain better.

Moo31 · 25/08/2020 08:28

Would he fall asleep in the car if you went for a drive at bedtime and then transferred him to the travel cot?

turnitonagain · 25/08/2020 08:28

@Thefab3 I’m in the same situation. We live overseas and DCs have travelled a LOT. It’s nothing to do with “getting them used to it.” One of my DCs was always a nightmare getting to sleep away from home until around 4 years old despite plenty of practice.

One caravan trip a year isn’t going to train a baby to sleep well on the go, people are acting like it’s some sort of essential education OP is failing to give her children by not going camping.

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