To have issues about my A level grades from 25 years ago...

[Beckidewinter]

This is a non-problem: tiniest violin territory, really, and I'm only posting out of curiosity to see if anyone has advice or can empathise. I have never confessed this to anyone...

I took my A levels 25 years ago and was totally and utterly devastated when I got BBB rather than the AAA I was predicted. I wept for two weeks. The consequences were nil. My parents were delighted (they were/are of the 'whatever makes you happy, darling' school of parenting), I was accepted into my first choice of University, did well and now have an MSc and PhD. Why then do I feel a sense of failure and, yes, embarrassment at this time of year, every year when the press are full of stories of success. Why on earth would it bother me and make me feel a bit sad and queasy in 2020? It's silly, irrational and more than a bit pathetic.

Most tragically (and secretly) of all, I find myself comparing my marks to those of famous people for solace "well, David Miliband got 3 Bs and he seems pretty bright..."

To be clear, like many people in their 40s, I have experienced real loss and grief and other painful life stuff, so you'd think I would have acquired perspective or wisdom or something, but alas, no and this just keeps biting for some reason ...Does anyone relate or care to psycho-analyse, or is it a loud chorus of YABVU?

I (still) hate applying for jobs and admitting my grades. I'm really cross with myself (still) for not taking it seriously and not working harder. I'm (still) cross with my parents for not encouraging me to work harder.

I was bereaved several months prior to taking my exams. I was severely depressed and attempted suicide. It was very difficult for me to concentrate and study. Unsurprisingly I didn’t get good grades. I later studied to postgraduate level and I’m clearly not thick, but I don’t mention my school grades to anyone. I suppose I do feel a bit ashamed, but also I feel like I have to justify why I did so poorly and it’s not a conversation I want to have.

To be honest 3 B's 25 years ago was awesome.

I know it's not popular to say so on MN but they were actual exams in those days and only the really super bright students really got A's.

Same with O levels and GCSE's

I got an A* at GCSE in a subject, then a B at A/S (back when you could choose to ignore the A/S and only count the A-level grade if it was higher) was predicted an A and got a D. I was really unhappy. I was at an adult college with no form tutor or pastoral support; nobody suggested a remark and I didn’t even know it was possible - in my family even had A-levels; I was on free school meals as a kid so we couldn’t pay for a remark anyway. Anyway, I got accepted through clearing and got a degree in the subject, a masters and then taught it before becoming Head of Dept.

So, what I learned from all that is that a system which places everything on three or four exams in quick succession is an absolute load of crap and an exam result a lifetime ago means pretty much nothing.

Re-mark, obvs

ILoveAnOwl why do you have to admit your grades on job applications? My CV just says “12 GCSEs and 4 A-levels in science and business”. I don’t list every single subject and grade and I’ve never been asked about it. It was 20 years ago and I have much more recent degrees that are more relevant, as well as work experience. Literally nobody cares what my school grades were so I don’t mention it.

It’s not pathetic at all! It’s something that was clearly a great source of disappointment and upset for you at the time and it’s understandable that it would still bother you (not that BBB is bad!) I still feel really annoyed at myself for things I did/didn’t do when I was that age - why didn’t I try harder to learn other languages etc, and I still feel really disappointed.

So I don’t think it’s that abnormal but please don’t beat yourself up about it.

And ‘nobody in my family’. Sorry - I really did hash that post

I utterly screwed up my gcses and I have 2 passes. Thankfully they are English and maths. I did other qualifications and still got a degree. But if I could turn the clock back I'd work harder

I got a D in German 30 years ago. Having done no German since, I joined an evening class a few years ago. The teacher gave me a current A level paper to assess my level and told me I would get an A with no problem, if I wanted to resit it. My daughter’s French À level paper from two years ago seemed easier than O level to me.

Bloody hell, well it’s all relative and of course you’re entitled to your feelings, but a lot of people would kill for three Bs. Even now (if you buy into the ‘it was harder in my day’ narrative) that is a challenging grade to achieve at A Level. There are a lot more ‘stories of success’ out there than the beaming A* students you see in the papers.

I was predicted AAB and I got ADE. The exams all went well. I wish I’d asked for a re mark.

I failed all of my Highers, some of them twice! I laugh it off now, I was young and didn't really think of the consequences. I also always point out that the young people you see receiving their grades are the swots who the school were 100% certain they would get good grades. No chance me or any of my friends would have been picked, it's a chance for the school to show off a bit, so definitely don't let that part get to you. Choices you make at 17 don't define you for the rest of your life (thankfully!)

I understand your pain. I have been an A star student at every stage of my life, got a first in my law degree, and have won countless prizes, and am having what would be considered to be a successful career.

But because of a problem with the teaching of the geography syllabus, all of my class (the top class - we were streamed) got Cs and Ds in our Geography GCSE. I have never got over that C.

My family tease me about it, but it’s my secret shame. Need to get over it really - I’m nearly 50!

@MarthasGinYard, with the exception of this year, students still do actual exams at A level!

Really interesting responses and 💐 to you Akindelle

What a waste of emotional energy. Your life now is proof those stupid grades didn't mean a fucking thing.

My first reaction to your post was “what does it matter?”, but then I thought about my results- As in everything- GCSE and A levels, except for a B in GCSE history. I went on to do A level history (largely just to prove a point!), got an A and had a piece published in a history journal, but that B at GCSE still rankles. So no, YANBU!!!

Some people value their looks or their ability to make friends easily, I'm guessing you are someone who based a lot of your self worth on your intelligence and therefore the B's rather than A's, hit you harder than most.
You have a PhD. Wow!! I think you have proved your cognitive ability now.
Forget the B's.

I did quite well at GCSE- all As and Bs but got Ds for a levels. Similarly my university still accepted me. Getting good marks throughout those 4 years and getting a 2.1 really helped me overcome my feelings of failure but I can relate. My friends/ boyfriend got mostly As and I still remember how awful results day felt. I wish I'd had more guidance choosing subjects as I'm sure I would have done better if I hadn't taken sciences with weak maths ability. I've considered doing English A level as an adult!

Don't beat yourself up about it. You were disappointed at an important time in your life and that does stay with you. But you got damn good grades so try and focus on that when you think about it.

I've been thinking more this year about my own A'levels 27 yrs ago when I was predicted a B for French and got a D because it turned out we were taught the wrong bloody syllabus. I don't think there was an appeal or anything. It really pisses me off to think back on it. I could get so angry even now, it's ridiculous! It didn't affect my university and I've done fine, but even so, the disappointment just flickers around at this time of year. And then I forget about it.

I am still disappointed that I only got a grade 2 in my Biology Special Paper in 1984. I feel that I let my Biology teacher down. He was my favourite teacher ever, and he didn't get on at all with the Chemistry teacher, who gloated terribly over the fact that I had done better in his subject (I got As for all my A levels but a grade 1 for the Chemistry Special Paper.) The Biology teacher was a much nicer, kinder person who probably wouldn't have said a word if it had been the other way around. He told me he was very proud of me but I could tell he was sad. They are probably both dead now and I really should have forgotten the whole thing, but I do think about it on results day every year.

@ILoveAnOwl

I (still) hate applying for jobs and admitting my grades. I'm really cross with myself (still) for not taking it seriously and not working harder. I'm (still) cross with my parents for not encouraging me to work harder.

Do you need to declare them? I never bothered after my first job, and employers didn't seem to care as I had a degree. Likewise now that I am in the position of vetting recruitment of others, I'm not interested in their A level results if they have higher qualifications.

I wonder what those B's are really worth now?

My B in Politics cost me my place at Cambridge. It still upsets me 27 years later