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AIBU?

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Original poster

OH selling things I brought him

62 replies

quarantinekween · 24/08/2020 22:32

When I met OH 3 years ago I didn't have much money I was a single mum at the time. And I saved money up to buy him some exspensive trainers I didn't need to but he brought but me lots of nice things so I wanted to return the favour.

We're moving house next week and he's selling a few things and he's just gone and sold the trainers and I feel really hurt by it. He's saying stop being silly but I feel gutted.

AIBU I feel really sad.

OP posts:
Mammaaof · 25/08/2020 00:23

Fgs get a grip Envy

SummerWhisper · 25/08/2020 00:24

I think the fact that he asked for something you could not afford is worse than him selling the trainers. He sounds both insensitive and entitled. Did he know you couldn't afford them? Does he realise how nasty he is being to your reaction? Is there anything nice about him??

NiceGerbil · 25/08/2020 00:25

Did he sell any other pairs?

If he's got 50 and he chose just to sell the ones you gave him that seems a bit off.

Yeahnahmum · 25/08/2020 00:28

Yabu sorry

notangelinajolie · 25/08/2020 00:36

It's just stuff OP. Stuff he doesn't need anymore. You can't be seriously thinking he should keep trainers just because you bought them for him?
Bonkers.
In awe of anyone that make money from 3 year old trainers

ithinkiveseenthisfilmbefore · 25/08/2020 00:38

He must waste a lot of money just to own shoes... yikes!

1forAll74 · 25/08/2020 00:40

Maybe the trainers that you bought were very expensive,and he has only worn them three or four times, so thought he would get a good price for them still.. Good thinking !

JingsMahBucket · 25/08/2020 00:42

@quarantinekween Yeah, I'd ask him how much he got for them. He sounds like a sneaker collector / investor. If he got a really good price, tell him to take you out to dinner with that money. :)

SoosanCarter · 25/08/2020 00:42

You bought them. Not brought them.

Yellownotblue · 25/08/2020 00:45

@SoosanCarter

You bought them. Not brought them.
Thank you! Been driving me crazy.

OP, YABU, these are 3 year old trainers, not a Patek Philippe. Get a grip.

EggyPegg · 25/08/2020 00:46

You've attached more sentimentality to the trainers than he has. Why wouldn't you get rid of something he's bought you if it's not right for you anymore? My DH bought me a coat 11 years ago, just after we got married. I got rid of it about 2 years ago because it didn't fit right on me anymore and I didn't like it as much as I used to. I did ask him if he was okay with it before I got rid, and he shrugged and said that it was just a coat, and if I wasn't going to wear it, better to not have it cluttering up the wardrobe. I agree with a PP who said that men are less emotional about these things.
Sometimes you just go off things. I don't like one of my pairs of Converse anywhere near as much as I did when I bought them 3 years ago (but happily DS is only half a size smaller than me now, so he can have them as he loves them). Tastes change.

SoulofanAggron · 25/08/2020 00:52

I think I'd feel a bit the same OP. When I was, say, 20 or something I bought my uncle a mug for his birthday or Xmas. It probably said something like 'best uncle' on. At some point I saw that he'd put it in a box with lots of others to take to the charity shop. It did seem wrong to me.

IDontWantToGoToBed · 25/08/2020 01:01

I think he was being unreasonable to put expensive trainers on 'his Christmas list' when he knew you didnt any money

Don't go above your means in future

EggyPegg · 25/08/2020 01:05

@SoulofanAggron

I think I'd feel a bit the same OP. When I was, say, 20 or something I bought my uncle a mug for his birthday or Xmas. It probably said something like 'best uncle' on. At some point I saw that he'd put it in a box with lots of others to take to the charity shop. It did seem wrong to me.
My DF and stepmum had a clear out recently as they are downsizing. We bought the vases for our wedding, rather than hiring them and then gave them (and the flowers) to family and close friends on the day. I saw the vase in the box and felt a bit 'oof'. But then realised, it's an IKEA vase and I've still got mine. It just doesn't have the same sentiment to them.
UtMalumPluvia · 25/08/2020 01:28

I'm trying the Kondo malarkey and I've amazed myself at just how much crap we've all hung into because the person who gifted it would be annoyed if we didn't keep it.

I think he's unreasonable for giving you a list with expensive items on that you can't afford but I do think you are unreasonable in expecting him to put the same emotional value on a pair of trainers he's had for three years as you have.

How long do you think he should have them gathering dust? Forever? I know women who clear out their clothes and shoes every year, I don't think selling after three years is unreasonable.

Touchmybum · 25/08/2020 01:32

If your relationship is otherwise good, let it go.

Nikori · 25/08/2020 01:34

When we got married, Ex bought a really expensive tie which was the same color as my wedding dress; a kind of dark red. He wore it out drinking with friends and while drunk swapped ties with his friend. He thought it was funny, but I felt kind of sad at the time that he didn’t value it more as being something special connected to our wedding. I realize now it was just another chapter in his selfish arsehole narcissist behavior.

I do question why he asked you to buy such an expensive gift when you didn’t have much money and what kind of adult has 50 pairs of trainers. Is he really as nice as you think?

Italiangreyhound · 25/08/2020 01:41

I'm sorry but you are overreacting. You bought him something nice and he bought you nice things. He doesn't need or want them now so is selling them. Sensible. If it were jewellery or something I'd feel differently.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/08/2020 01:48

I dont think you are over reacting. You made a lot of effort to get him what he wanted and then he binned them off without a seconds thought.

I would at least expect a "do you mind?" which is what I would do.

Does he know that you have to save up to get them? Or has he always had a higher disposable income than you? If he has then that might explain why he doesnt put as much emotional value on them as you do, because he doesnt know what it cost you to save up for them.

BadTattoosAndSmellLikeBooze · 25/08/2020 02:05

So he has 50 other pair but is only selling this one pair? If so, I do see where you are coming from a bit. But if he’s selling 5 other pairs as well then it wouldn’t feel so bad.

Gingerkittykat · 25/08/2020 02:26

You can't keep everything that has ever been gifted to you because of sentimental reasons, if that happened your house would soon become full.

Can he put the money towards something nice for your shared home?

Timekeeper2 · 25/08/2020 02:54

I see why you'd be upset, OP. It's not that he is selling the trainers you bought him, but you put a lot of thought and money into buying something just for him, that he liked, and you sacrificed money to do this nice thing just for him. I get it. I really do get it. It's the ease he discarded something that was probably more than you'd normally spend for a boyfriend. It's the principle/sentiment behind it. You're not suggesting he should hang on to them if they are ratty and old and worn out, right? They must be in good nick because he put them up for sale. You just hoped they would be special to him. I understand you, and think you're getting a rough time on here. I also think it is pretty harsh of him to say you are being childish. I don't think you are, I think you are hurt because it was a major purchase you made just for him. A first present. I think he is being quite inconsiderate of your feelings.

As to the amount of trainers he has, good lord, is he a professional runner or something? He has more trainers than most women have shoes. I don't even have anywhere near 50 shoes, including slippers and wellies, all thrown in! He probably could rival the Kardashians in the shoe department. But still, yeah, I think he was being harsh towards you in his reaction to you at least.

WhoWouldHaveThoughtThat · 25/08/2020 07:49

50 Pairs!! How many legs has he got?

I make do with one pair of plimsolls
(as they used to be called)

heartsonacake · 25/08/2020 08:04

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thecatsarecrazy · 25/08/2020 08:06

You bought them and brought them home.

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