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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking for petrol

101 replies

BabyfaceHen · 24/08/2020 21:59

I am driving a 'friend' (although not a proper friend, more someone I am in the same career with and we know of each other), but we message regularly,
We have a course on the same day next month and it's a 2 hour drive away. Around 105 miles.

I am driving as she feels too nervous to drive and i've said that's fine because it'll be cheaper for us both anyway as we can just half petrol.

However, how do people actually ask for petrol on the day? As many of my actual friends "forget" to give me petrol and I don't have the balls to ask.
Whereas this is quite a bit of a journey so I dont fancy paying all the petrol and money is tight atm.

Also, how much petrol would you ask for for a journey that is 2 hours and around 105 miles away? I dont want to ask for too much or too little

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyfaceHen · 24/08/2020 22:44

Looks like the popular way is to fill up so i'll do that halfway through!

OP posts:
rainkeepsfallingdown · 24/08/2020 22:45

You seem to be mixing up a number of issues:

  • You don't know how much your fuel costs are.
  • You're not sure whether you should just be charging for fuel, or fuel and wear and tear.
  • Other friends have not put their hands in their pockets, leaving a bitter taste in the mouth.
  • Money is tight generally.
  • You agreed to split the fuel costs of this journey equally.

In light of the above, I think you should be charging actual fuel costs for the journey split in half. No additional allowances on top - you're not a taxi. You agreed to share fuel, so regardless of whether everyone would ask for petrol money in that circumstance, you and your friend have already agreed that's reasonable.

Given you have no idea how much this journey is costing you to split it, assuming you can afford to fill up your tank without an advance contribution, I would top beforehand, make a note of how much that tank costs, then keep an eye on your actual mileage on that day, and work out the cost from that, after the fact. Then send a text message afterwards saying you've calculated her half as X, here are your BACS details.

However, to be clear, I wouldn't get in the car with someone I didn't trust to wire me the money afterwards. So non-payment wouldn't be an issue.

Cars are small, enclosed spaces - I don't see why anyone would get in one with someone they didn't trust. Just awful...

RaininSummer · 24/08/2020 22:46

A decent person would give you some money first without you having to ask. On the rare occasion I have to beg a ride that isn't a reciprocal thing, I stick a fiver, tenner or whatever is appropriate in the kitty when getting in the car.

heartsonacake · 24/08/2020 22:47

As you’d be making the trip there anyway I do think it’s rather petty for you to ask for petrol money.

Original poster
BabyfaceHen · 24/08/2020 22:47

@rainkeepsfallingdown wear and tear was never an option for me to charge extra, I wanted it to be half each,
Your post was great thank you, the type of advice I came on here for :)

OP posts:
goingtotown · 24/08/2020 22:47

I’d be happy paying £20 for a 200 mile journey.
What would this person do if you didn’t drive her?

wheretonow123 · 24/08/2020 22:48

£10 sounds perfect for that journey.

Firstimer703 · 24/08/2020 22:48

It's really hard to ask so I think the best thing is to set out your expectations before the day so that she is clear that she will need to contribute.

Original poster
BabyfaceHen · 24/08/2020 22:48

@heartsonacake what's petty about it? I don't have to give her a car ride but she didnt want to drive and we discussed it'd be cheaper for both of us rather than both of us paying full costs

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyfaceHen · 24/08/2020 22:49

@goingtotown she would drive herself but is nervous about driving the journey as she is not used to driving in cities

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 24/08/2020 22:51

Fill your tank with petrol before you leave, on return fill up again and ask for half the cost

heartsonacake · 24/08/2020 22:51

[quote BabyfaceHen]@heartsonacake what's petty about it? I don't have to give her a car ride but she didnt want to drive and we discussed it'd be cheaper for both of us rather than both of us paying full costs[/quote]
The fact that you’d be going there anyway and spending the same amount of money regardless of whether she’s in the car or not.

If money is tight at the moment perhaps you shouldn’t be making long non-essential journeys.

RomaineCalm · 24/08/2020 22:53

Honestly, I think you just need to decide on an amount that you are happy with whether that's £10, £15, £20 based on how many miles you get from a tank of fuel and how much it generally costs to fill it up.

When (hopefully) your friend mentions fuel money you can say "It worked it out as £x for half of the journey, is that ok?"

If it's not mentioned you can always say "You said you'd pay towards fuel, could you let me have £x please?"

Filling up at a garage and then asking for £12.37 as their contribution just sounds very awkward.

Original poster
BabyfaceHen · 24/08/2020 22:53

I will no longer be replying to "I wouldn't ask for petrol" posts

It's lovely that some of you wouldn't ask but this thread isn't a AIBU about asking for petrol, it's a simple "how do I ask and how much?' thread.

OP posts:
redcarbluecar · 24/08/2020 22:53

It doesn’t matter that you’re ‘going that way anyway’- you’re doing the favour so it makes sense that you should take some of the benefit. Not sure why a passenger on a long journey should feel entitled to a free ride at your expense; we expect to pay when we travel. However I think you either have to directly tell her beforehand that you’d like £10 (or whatever) or accept that, being too nice to ask, you probably won’t get it.

Tistheseason17 · 24/08/2020 22:54

I'd still mention it before. Drop a text along lines of, "just want to be up front, I'm expecting us to share fuel/parking costs - does that work for you, too?"

PyongyangKipperbang · 24/08/2020 22:55

www.fleetnews.co.uk/costs/fuel-cost-calculator/

There you go. Work it out and halve it and then message her the day before saying "Just so you know, petrol for tomorrow will be about £X, so you half is £Y. See you in the morning!"

Miranda15110 · 24/08/2020 22:56

Government rate for mileage is 45p per mile but that doesn't take into account wear and tear, you should also have enhanced insurance when driving for work which is distinct from commuting for work. I'd offer £20 myself in that situation but I'd hate to think Id been cheap and not offered enough! I'd buy you coffee too 😊

Who625 · 24/08/2020 22:57

I always use a site like journeyprice.co.uk/ to work out the cost

PhilCornwall1 · 24/08/2020 22:57

@wheretonow123

£10 sounds perfect for that journey.
I'd be well happy paying a tenner and think I'd come out of the deal in good shape.
rainkeepsfallingdown · 24/08/2020 22:57

[quote BabyfaceHen]@rainkeepsfallingdown wear and tear was never an option for me to charge extra, I wanted it to be half each,
Your post was great thank you, the type of advice I came on here for :)[/quote]
Oh, I'm glad.

If you're feeling awkward, maybe mention in advance that you'll work out the actual costs after the journey and message her after, so she knows that's the plan. Nice and simple.

The advantage of asking for money afterwards and sending over BACS details is you don't have to feel pressured to round down, and if money is tight, I sense you'd rather get the number you both agreed on (half) rather than be overgenerous.

There's nothing wrong with reserving generosity for times which aren't tight...

PhilCornwall1 · 24/08/2020 22:59

@Miranda15110

Government rate for mileage is 45p per mile but that doesn't take into account wear and tear, you should also have enhanced insurance when driving for work which is distinct from commuting for work. I'd offer £20 myself in that situation but I'd hate to think Id been cheap and not offered enough! I'd buy you coffee too 😊
OP said it wasn't for work, so no need for business use on the insurance.
TheOrigBrave · 24/08/2020 23:00

If she's a nervous driver then I would like to think she's used to offering fuel, unless she's nervous and a freeloader!

You can either fanny about filling up and working it all out, or say "I reckon it's about £30 in fuel, are you happy to pay £15?".

LEELULUMPKIN · 24/08/2020 23:01

I wouldn't want or expect petrol money if I was going anyway, however if someone else offered to drive I would definitely pay my share for petrol or a meal if we were stopping somewhere.

BackforGood · 24/08/2020 23:04

Your petrol usage per mile will depend on all sorts of things - mostly the fuel efficiency of the car, but also how much you are in traffic, and various other bits. We have 2 cars and the fuel economy is very different (the bigger car being FAR more efficient than our smaller, but much older car).
The most sensible thing is to do as several have suggested, start with a full tank, and fill up after you've got home - then you've got an accurate total.
I would text her before (when you are arranging times / meeting place) and repeat to her what you've said about splitting costs (fuel, parking) so there is no misunderstanding.

I would also expect her to get the coffee in, as appreciation for not having to drive, and your offer to save her that 'stress', but also the expense of paying for herself.

I think the first reply you got was great :
I would fill up with her in the car at the start of the journey and say "I'm not sure how much petrol we're going to use- I've just filled up, £40, so we'll see how much is left at the end and then halve that, OK? It makes more sense than guessing, as I don't normally do long journeys. So much cheaper than the train eh!" It reminds her how ridiculous train fiars are, so actually, even if she paid ALL the petrol, she'd still be getting a good deal over trains and a taxi.