WhatsApp for an 8 year old

[Gettingthereslowly2020]

DDs dad wanted to get her a phone for her 8th birthday. I said no because she's too young.

Why does an 8 year old need a phone anyway? Why can't she just use mine? I'm fine with her texting and ringing her dad on my phone whenever she or he wants. I don't want her growing up too early by being glued to her phone like a teenager.

He got her a tablet for her birthday which is fine, she needed a new one anyway.

She's come home from her dad's and he's put a sim card in the tablet and installed WhatsApp for her. I feel like he's deliberately done it to start an argument. History of domestic abuse, he's still very aggressive and generally hard work. Everything is a battle with him.

Now I'm having to deal with the tantrums from DD when I say I don't want her having WhatsApp.

What should I do? If she keeps WhatsApp, how should I monitor it? If I don't let her keep it then I'm going to have to deal with all the tantrums from her father - I don't know if I have the energy to deal with him but I think I should put my foot down.

YABU: Keep the sim in and let her keep WhatsApp

YANBU: Get rid of the sim and delete WhatsApp

My DC have used WhatsApp to message their DF from about that age. Its facilitated contact without me getting involved.

The novelty will soon wear off.

Yabu

He didn't get her a phone as requested but simply put a sim into her ore existing tablet so he can message his child.

I think 8 is too young for WhatsApp, my DS is older than that and is not allowed it - but you are in a tricky situation with your ex and its difficult when you are not on the same page. Is the SIM her own phone number then, or is a second SIM for his number?

Ok, fair enough

No way should an 8 yo have WhatsApp. It opens her up to a lot more SM (and I think it is SM) than is necessary at this age.
Her dad can communicate with her in other ways, like most do in that situation.

I didn't expect the general consensus so far to be YABU.
Not a chance in hell would my 8 year old have WhatsApp. There's absolutely no need if she can message from your phone to her dad whenever she wants.

@ladybirdsarelovely33

WhatsApp isn't a social media platform though

So it's not a gateway app. Also the OP has control of the iPad it seems so can ensure, as any good parent would that the apps downloaded are suitable

It's no different to having the ability to send text messages

YABU. He wanted a phone, you said no, he listened.

He still wants to communicate with his child so downloaded WhatsApp for her. I don’t see the issue; he hasn’t gone against her wishes and it’s just him she’ll be messaging.

*your wishes not her wishes

I won't let my nearly 13 y.o. have WhatsApp and have said I'll review it when he's 14 (he accepts this). I'm amazed that parents think it's harmless for kids. I have read some hair-raising things about stuff that gets forwarded/ sent in group chats and I want to avoid my child being exposed to that rubbish as long as possible.

I'd let her keep it but limit her to just talking to family. You can check it when needed to make sure she's not adding people from school etc.

YANBU
It's a sneaky way of getting what he wanted. She doesn't need a private messaging app at that age, like you said she can send and receive messages from your phone.

@Keyperfect

I won't let my nearly 13 y.o. have WhatsApp and have said I'll review it when he's 14 (he accepts this). I'm amazed that parents think it's harmless for kids. I have read some hair-raising things about stuff that gets forwarded/ sent in group chats and I want to avoid my child being exposed to that rubbish as long as possible.

Many BS scare stories go around. There were the pedophiles on club penguin conspiracies when I was younger

It's no different to allowing your child a phone which can text.

WhatsApp has an age limit, certainly over 8. My 11DD is not allowed it.

What's app is just a messaging app. What can you do on it that if different from text messaging?

My 8 year old DD has her own phone for messaging. Mainly because it's then far less likely she will look through my messages to other people by accident or on purpose and see something that's not suitable for her.

Messaging her dad I mean.

I think this is a nice way to stay in touch with her dad. You can police it to make sure she doesn't add people. Over here we have messenger kids and my daughter (7) loves being able to contact family directly. That is linked to my account though so it reports what she sends and I have to approve who she want to add. We do restrict screen time so she can't be on it all the time.

What does she need it for? If he’s doing it so they can communicate how do they manage at the moment?

My ds is 8 he’s not getting anywhere near such tech anytime soon, no one at his school has phones or similar at this age either

I put yabu because it's a good way for them to keep in touch.
You can still limit her screen time so that she accesses it only when you think it's a good time. Also you should insist on password and that the only contact she has is her ddad.
My younger children had the same thing to keep in touch with their older sibling from the same age. As long as you make sure that you police it I can't see a problem.

The tablet could be limited to only when next to you, only at a set time of day. An 8 year old is very young for a device of any kind. If your ex complains just fire off a study about the long term impact on children with excessive (more than 2 hours) screen times.

I thought WhatsApp themselves said not for under 13s because of potential for exposure to inappropriate content and also maturity for managing groups and things.

In general I don't think WhatsApp is necessary at age 8. But as he's already installed it, I think I would just make it very clear to her that it's only to be used for messaging her dad, no other groups/contacts.

@Guadalupe

I thought WhatsApp themselves said not for under 13s because of potential for exposure to inappropriate content and also maturity for managing groups and things.

Nope

They have had the age limit increase in the EU to 16+ due to GDPr and data handling issues

Nothing about safety

WhatsApp age limit is 16, according to the documentation the police gave me today (issued to teenage daughter)

Rest of them:

Tinder - 17
YikYak - 18
Blendr - 18
WhatsApp- 16
Snapchat -13
Whisper - 13
Instagram - 13
Facebook - 13
Pinterest - 13
Kik - 18