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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WhatsApp for an 8 year old

43 replies

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 24/08/2020 17:04

DDs dad wanted to get her a phone for her 8th birthday. I said no because she's too young.

Why does an 8 year old need a phone anyway? Why can't she just use mine? I'm fine with her texting and ringing her dad on my phone whenever she or he wants. I don't want her growing up too early by being glued to her phone like a teenager.

He got her a tablet for her birthday which is fine, she needed a new one anyway.

She's come home from her dad's and he's put a sim card in the tablet and installed WhatsApp for her. I feel like he's deliberately done it to start an argument. History of domestic abuse, he's still very aggressive and generally hard work. Everything is a battle with him.

Now I'm having to deal with the tantrums from DD when I say I don't want her having WhatsApp.

What should I do? If she keeps WhatsApp, how should I monitor it? If I don't let her keep it then I'm going to have to deal with all the tantrums from her father - I don't know if I have the energy to deal with him but I think I should put my foot down.

YABU: Keep the sim in and let her keep WhatsApp

YANBU: Get rid of the sim and delete WhatsApp

OP posts:
PurdyFlower · 24/08/2020 18:31

If you are monitoring it, then why does it matter? WhatsApp is no different from any other messaging service - it just uses data rather than text allowance. Much better for sending pics between herself and her DF rather than ending up with an expensive charge.

Time2change2 · 24/08/2020 18:31

I honestly don’t get the issue with whats app? It’s just to message and call friends or family? The same as just having calls or texts on your phone but you can message a group rather than only one person- what’s the problem? As long as she has restricted screen time I don’t see the issue with what’s all specifically being on there? My kids (8 and 11) have one hour of phone / tablet a day (not every day if we are out etc) They can fall their friends if they wish or play a game or watch a video etc

DamitJanet · 24/08/2020 18:38

WhatsApp is, often ineffectively, age limited to 16+ to comply with data protection legislation. 8 is far far too young in my opinion

SoManyActivities · 24/08/2020 18:39

Many BS scare stories go around. There were the pedophiles on club penguin conspiracies when I was younger

It's no different to allowing your child a phone which can text.

Of course it is - WhatsApp allows for really easy forwarding of messages, pictures and videos, which also end up on everyone's phone in the group and can then be forwarded on from there etc. It is different to using a text service.

To be honest, now it's done it sounds like it would be more hassle than it's worth to remove it etc but I would be monitoring it like a hawk.

The problem, from experience, is that even if you feel like you are quite vigilant, you will find that some of your child's friends parents do not give a fuck and don't monitor what they are doing at all - and that is where you run into problems if you are not paying attention.

NearlyGranny · 24/08/2020 18:42

She's way too young for a phone or WhatsApp! Your exDH could be wanting to message her without you monitoring and being aware and that's just not on.

Leaannb · 24/08/2020 18:43

Its owned by Facebook and security is meh at best. It will definitely open her to situations she isn't ready for...

Guadalupe · 24/08/2020 18:44

faq.whatsapp.com/general/security-and-privacy/minimum-age-to-use-whatsapp/

Yes, 16 not 13 now. That does seem high.

Doggodogington · 24/08/2020 18:52

Whatsapp is a messaging app though? Only people who she adds will be able to send anything. My DS9 has a whatsapp group with his school friends and nothing inappropriate has ever been sent to him. Why don’t you want her father to be able to message her? Is there more to it?

dwiz8 · 24/08/2020 18:54

@Leaannb

Its owned by Facebook and security is meh at best. It will definitely open her to situations she isn't ready for...
No it won't

Security isn't meh and what situations will it open the OPs child too?

I have been on it for years as have all my friends and family and we have never once been preyed on or sent weird images or videos

It's no different to having a text service as most phones have

LittleOwl153 · 24/08/2020 19:06

I think the problem here is that it is difficult to restrict it just to her dad. My 11yr old uses Google hangouts which is linked to an email and uses WiFi so no sim required. My 6yr old has also been using it over the summer/ school out. But if kids at school get wind she has a phone number she will be under pressure to share /use and join stuff. Difficult one for split families im sure. It always seemed to be those with separate parents who had this kit first from what I saw.

Be aware though a friend of mine who had a nasty ex ended up with the ex using the 7yr old with a video call enabled tablet to give him access to the house (just open the patio door daddy is outside...) he was banned from and caused all sorts of other problems.

My 11yr old refuses to be part of the school WhatsApp as she says it is used to bully kids in her class. Not looking forward to secondary on this...

Original poster
Gettingthereslowly2020 · 24/08/2020 19:13

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all of your responses. It's good to get some feedback.

I think I will allow her to keep it but very closely monitor it in the same way I do for her tablet.

In response to pp:
Her dad has always been able to text her or call her on my phone as much as he wants and DD has always been able to contact her dad. I've never restricted this or been awkward about it. He's never really bothered contacting her, he's never been that interested in communicating with her outside of his contact time which is every other weekend.
When he sees her, he does tend to tell her bad stories about me that aren't true at all such as telling her I stopped him from seeing her when she was younger - I didn't, he was convicted of being violent towards me so I had a restraining order against him but he still had supervised contact with his family member. He didn't see her much but that was because he never bothered to arrange it with his family member, not anything to do with me.
He's been making up stories that upset DD and that's the main thing I'm concerned about but hopefully by closely monitoring it, it will be ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gettingthereslowly2020 · 24/08/2020 19:16

@LittleOwl153

I think the problem here is that it is difficult to restrict it just to her dad. My 11yr old uses Google hangouts which is linked to an email and uses WiFi so no sim required. My 6yr old has also been using it over the summer/ school out. But if kids at school get wind she has a phone number she will be under pressure to share /use and join stuff. Difficult one for split families im sure. It always seemed to be those with separate parents who had this kit first from what I saw.

Be aware though a friend of mine who had a nasty ex ended up with the ex using the 7yr old with a video call enabled tablet to give him access to the house (just open the patio door daddy is outside...) he was banned from and caused all sorts of other problems.

My 11yr old refuses to be part of the school WhatsApp as she says it is used to bully kids in her class. Not looking forward to secondary on this...

Yes, this is definitely a concern for me - both the potential for bullying from children at school and also the ongoing issues with her father.
OP posts:
ILoveFood87 · 24/08/2020 19:17

Why would an 8 year old need a phone. Crazy. She is a little girl not a pre teen. YANBU.

SoManyActivities · 24/08/2020 19:28

My DS9 has a whatsapp group with his school friends and nothing inappropriate has ever been sent to him.

Like I said, when your 9 year old is in a WhatsApp group you have to trust that the parents of every child in that group are as vigilant as you, that none of the other children are in other WhatsApp groups where they might get inappropriate stuff sent to them that they would be able to forward on your child's group etc. If it's a small group where you know the other parents are shit hot on monitoring then it's probably OK, but otherwise no.

My DS has a close friend who I will not allow him to have online contact with, because I know that this child's online supervision is absolutely woeful and there have already been issues with that child coming across inappropriate stuff online, and I don't want my child subjected to it.

MyNameHasBeenTaken · 24/08/2020 19:34

My dd (7) has whattsapp

But she only has about 4 contacts in her phone.
Me and her brother. And her aunt and her gran.
Sometimes gran sends a picture of the seaside
Or aunt sends a video clip of her cousin.
She cant access anybody else or anything bad.
Just means she cant run up a huge bill sending crap photos to people!

Keyperfect · 24/08/2020 20:28

It's very different to text messaging.. I myself have been a member of a whatsapp group where a highly inappropriate video was shared by someone - accidentally. We were all adults in the group so no real harm done but this is a real risk with WhatsApp. You have no idea what might be forwarded to your child.

NearlyGranny · 25/08/2020 11:50

I think if your ex has to reach his DD through your phone it will give you control and security and protect her from any nasty stories he might want to muddy her mind with. The very fact that he wants to reach her in ways you won't automatically be able to monitor 100% is concerning in itself!

Whatever risk WhatsApp might present from other angles is avoided, too.

Whatever he wants to say to her, he can say it in front of you!

Lorryandzara · 26/12/2025 17:58

I really need to send messages

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