Constantly criticised by DH

[SassandBelle]

Has anyone any experience of being in a relationship where, no matter what you do, you're always in the wrong?

I can't seem to do anything right - every single action or word is criticised.

Yes! Tiny things that don't matter.

Controlling behaviour?

I've dealt with it by wondering what I'll do next....but try to file it mentally as trivia.

What sort of thing is happening?

i left a 'marriage' because my exhdid this, the problem was i was educationally more intelligent and he tried to pick me upon things he thought i'd said incorrectly or hadn't done to his standard.
he put me down because itmade him feel betterabout himself but it back fired and i started the divorce which hit him like a bolt of the blue.
why put up with this rubbish when life is so short ?

Yes by my DS when he was 13!
I couldn't live with an adult doing it though.
Hope you're okay Op, you deserve respect and kindness.

That says everything about them, not you.
It's not a sign of a healthy relationship

My DH is a critical bugger but I tell him off for criticizing. After I've been told off by him I mentally file his criticisms under "his problem, not mine".
He thinks I'm stubborn, I am, but I'm also pretty resilient. I think any other woman (someone more emotional than me, perhaps) would crumble.
So, it's all how you react to it really. Find your power. The power to laugh it off, especially.

I think it can be a sign of a healthy relationship where you BOTH can occasionally comment on each other's negative behaviours, with a view to correcting them.
I think unhealthy relationships often start with women over-emotionalising or over-thinking stuff which is actually pretty benign. Yes, that's victim blaming but some women really play into that victim role.

My exh was like this. Better off without him.

It's one of Lundy Bancroft abuser profiles. No personal experience because I won't date abusers.. or should I saw I'm quick to dump them. Or they won't date me as they can see I'm too intolerant to put up with it.

Start criticising him. Then see a solicitor and get rid.

My XH was like this ... if l closed a door he'd moan he'd want it open...if l left it open he'd have wanted it shut.

Felt l was always walking on egg shells trying to avoid getting it wrong.

No because I wouldn’t put up with shit like that. Why do you feel you should?

Come off it guineapig.

My husband went a bit like that when he was furloughed.
He came in one day and moaned that the washing machine was on again. He got told to fuck off out of my way before a persil pod went up his nose and the box was rammed up his arse sideways.
Each time he criticises you, just tell him to feel free to get off his arse and do it his own way.

Do you want to put up with being talked down to for the rest of your married life, OP?

What are you getting out of this relationship now.

I would suggest telling your husband that, if he doesn't change, the marriage is over.

Don't put up with someone constantly criticising you

Yes, and it was the start of the abuse. I literally couldn’t do a thing right: the way I turned on light switches was wrong (too clicky), I held my phone the wrong way, chopped peppers incorrectly, didn’t hold my arms right when I walked, didn’t enjoy the holiday correctly, everything. Life’s too short, OP.

Jesus, I couldn’t live like this

Thank you @NinkiNonkiNikau it's not a situation I'd choose to in to be honest.

I don't feel I should and I don't want to be in the situation but when you don't actually believe you're doing anything particularly wrong, it's very hard to understand why everything you say and do is considered to be annoying or wrong.

@Guineapigbridge the glaring error in your post is the term occasionally. He doesn't occasionally criticise, he criticises constantly. Yes you are victim blaming.

That said, I'm nobody's victim, I have choices but financially I am unable to go elsewhere yet.

@Guineapigbridge

I think it can be a sign of a healthy relationship where you BOTH can occasionally comment on each other's negative behaviours, with a view to correcting them. I think unhealthy relationships often start with women over-emotionalising or over-thinking stuff which is actually pretty benign. Yes, that's victim blaming but some women really play into that victim role.

Fuck off with that shit

Well, he clearly doesn't like you. This is what rude, unpleasant arseholes do to people they don't like.

Start squirreling away your "get out of jail" fund OP. That's no way to live. He clearly has no respect for you if everything you do annoys him. How do you respond to the criticism?

Just my PoV.
Some people are more victim-y than others. They are. Don't well up with tears when standing up for yourself gets better results. Find your power.

Just kicked one of these critical insecure dicks out my life, took 2 yrs of doubt but my god it feels good! YANBU, know your worth, get out before it gets worse. Good luck.

@burritofan, that was exactly my stbxh too. After 2 decades I finally separated from him last Autumn and even when it's really hard it's glorious.

Time to get rid I think

The criticism will wear you down eventually and if that’s his game I’d worry.
“Find your power” Guineapig isn’t always possible when you are being ground down on a daily basis - nice idea - but not feasible.