AIBU to want a rest?

[Odabunmie]

Our house isn’t in great condition. Since Covid we spend more time at home so DH wants the garden sorted. He’s terracing and laying a patio. He works Mon-Fri so can only get on with it at the weekend.

I have two children. The eldest 7 is being assessed for additional needs. The youngest is 2. Both are at home with me all week at present. Neither is a good sleeper and both need constant supervision and interaction. I’m so tired. I have DC while DH is at work, then I also have them all weekend so he can get on with the garden. I’m burned out and I just feel like crying.

I asked DH to parent today so I can rest, read a book and take a bath. He is furious. Saying I’m selfish and stopping him getting on with the garden, so DC will have nowhere to play. He says why should I have a rest, he’s been at work all week and is gardening all weekend so he isn’t getting a rest? But I think digging peacefully in the garden IS a rest. In fact being at work and not being pestered by children is also a rest.

AIBU to want a day off? Or am I being selfish by preventing DH doing the garden for the benefit of everyone? I honestly don’t know any more.

@cptartapp

He doesn't want to spend time with his DC. That's blatantly clear. He doesn't enjoy it. He can't be bothered. You must be so disappointed in him. Your poor DC, it doesn't bode well. I hope your contraception is watertight in the short term. In the long term I'd be calling it a day and leaving him to it half the week.

He is clearly avoiding the children.

The stunt he pulled walking out when you were dressed and ready to go was unbelievably nasty.

Actions like that are the beginning of the end of a marriage.

Good men don't behave like that.
Good men don't avoid their children by doing endless jobs.

Some jobs may need to be done.
But when one party is exhausted, painting and decorating is not a priority.

He sounds awful.

Have you anyone to support you?
I suspect there is more of this.

Women's Aid is a great sounding board for women who are unsure of the behaviour they are receiving.

Perhaps give them a ring.

Shiny patio or wife at breaking point. He has a choice in how he spends his time outside of work and he is not considering his wife’s welfare and feelings at all. He will have to look after the kids all the time if you get ill from exhaustion. I can’t believe PP calling op selfish.