Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To feel sorry for my toddler...

41 replies

ThatsNotMyCherry · 21/08/2020 23:05

who is stuck at home most days with me and my newborn. He’s very active and sociable so I think he would really enjoy nursery but I’m nervous about sending him to one because I have a newborn and I see my parents and parents in laws frequently who I don’t want to put at risk. What would you do?

OP posts:

badg3r · 21/08/2020 23:08

I think it depends how much you manage to still do with the toddler with baby in tow and also how much support you get from the grandparents. If you can still go to the park, have play dates etc and rely heavily on grandparents for support then I would stay as is. If toddler has never been to nursery too you might find they take a very long time to settle and feel pushed out if you are at home with baby all day? Do you have a nursery lined up? There is no universally right answer!

converseandjeans · 21/08/2020 23:11

Why are you stuck at home? You need to get out and about now things are open. It's not really fair for toddler to be stuck home all day.

Feelingconfused2020 · 21/08/2020 23:15

For me this depends on his age.

If he is 3-4 then I'd send him to a nursery, unless you are in a high risk area. Schools and nurseries are so well prepared for this.

If he is under 3 I would probably just try and arrange playdates with other mums so that he has a playmate once in a while.

I think YABU to worry so much about vivid that you don't let your child do something he would be doing otherwise. The risk to him is very low and the risk to grandparents is small but their choice. If you are vigilant and avoid them if any of you have any symptoms then the risk to them is fairly low.

It's common for us to see our toddlers as older once a baby is born but a toddler is still only very little and they have years to socialise at nursery and school.

Feelingconfused2020 · 21/08/2020 23:15

Are you getting to the park and things or are you literally stuck at home?

Glamazoni · 21/08/2020 23:17

I’m in the same situation. My youngest is 2.5 and I feel sad that he can’t go out lots of places or go to nursery or play with other children. I’m high risk and so are his grandparents, Covid could kill me. I guess he needs a mother more than he needs friends. He probably won’t even remember this when he grows up.

Heartofglass12345 · 21/08/2020 23:50

I wouldn't worry too much, this is only a few months out of his whole life. Toddlers don't really play or socialise much with other children until they are older anyway, they will play next to other kids but they aren't really playing with them iyswim. You could always look into it though, I'm sure they're being more cautious due to covid

KatherineJaneway · 22/08/2020 00:29

Why stuck at home?

jessstan2 · 22/08/2020 01:29

The op is 'stuck at home' because she has a newborn. It's not unusual for mothers not to want to go out much with a tiny baby, it's all so exhausting. It won't last forever.

Original poster

ThatsNotMyCherry · 22/08/2020 05:21

It’s partly because of having a newborn but also my toddler hates being in the pushchair for more than 20 mins as he feels restricted. He starts crying and won’t stop until he’s let out. He’s 13 months and not yet walking but he loves cruising and crawling. We go to the swings sometimes and the local high street if the weather is decent but that’s about it. I see him taking a great deal of interest in other children that he sees out and about so I feel sorry for him. I don’t know any mums. All my friends are childless and although we did a few baby groups in the early days I only really made acquaintances and not friends.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2020 05:24

He'll be walking soon and it will be so much easier.

uglyface · 22/08/2020 05:51

Do you have a garden? Make sure he gets plenty of time outside in the fresh air. If you spend time with grandparents I’d send him there a couple of times a week for a change of scene/lots of 1:1 attention. Honestly, he won’t start ‘playing’ with out her children until he’s 2ish, and even then it’s more alongside them.

Achooo · 22/08/2020 05:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Temple29 · 22/08/2020 06:03

I know how you feel OP. I’m due my second baby in 2 weeks and DS is 16 months. I just make sure he gets time outside as long as the weather is ok.

You’ll find it easier once he can walk because you can put baby in a sling and let your toddler play in the garden or go out the front and he’ll spend ages picking up stones but not going far.

I’m high risk so have been very cautious and it makes me nervous to wonder how long it’s going to be before the children can integrate properly.

Wheneverwhereve · 22/08/2020 06:25

I'd personally send him to nursery they will have lots of Covid precautions and it’ll be great for him in terms of social interaction. Will also be good for you and the newborn too. We’re going to have Covid around for a while therefore we need to be cautious but get back to some resemblance of normal.

joystir59 · 22/08/2020 06:28

Let him go to nursery, he will benefit so much from being with the other children and it will give you a bit of time out from.entertaining him

Thehop · 22/08/2020 06:32

Ah I feel you I had the same gap between 2 of my boys and it was really hard at this stage. My older boy walked very young but thy brought with it it’s own difficulties!

Can you access a garden that’s safe for him to crawl in so he can get fresh air? Is there a park close enough you can walk to and let him have some freedom?

Can you visit people for a change of scenery? Grandparents?

Change your toys round a lot. Have a box or 2 out, and the rest out of reach and change them round often. Also look for a toy library nearby.

All the little boys of toys that go missing or boys break and other boys don’t belong, save them in a box. When needed, bring out the box of tat to explore. He’ll love it. Put in a pastry brush, loofah, some shiny things and figures from broken sets, odd jigsaw pieces etc.

KitKatastrophe · 22/08/2020 06:33

No need for a 13 month old to be in nursery unless you need it for work purposes, your own sanity etc. They don't need to "socialise" with other kids at that age - they will literally just play near each other. He is still a baby too so probably pretty happy with being at home a lot. If you want him to go to nursery for you to have a bit of time and space with the new baby, fair enough.

1AngelicFruitCake · 22/08/2020 06:36

I don’t know if I’d call him a toddler yet as I see 13 months as a baby! I think it’s about finding a way to get out with him by practising him being in the pram or a baby carrier of some sort.

WhatILoved · 22/08/2020 06:43

Please think of all the benefits he's getting spending time with you and bonding with his sibling. If you can I'd get out to the park and other outside spaces so he can observe others and get some fresh air. It's good for your mental health too. I took my son out of nursery for a year for my second maternity leave and it was such a lovely time. My older child is now really close to his younger brother and I was really pleased to save the ££££ that would have gone on nursery fees. I'm sure I used some of it on activities for us and lots of tea and cake in cafes though. Do you know any other people in same situation? Might be worth reaching out on social media to find others.

FippertyGibbett · 22/08/2020 06:51

I wouldn’t bother until he’s two, but he does need to get out and about to see things. Shops, parks etc.
If you can’t get him out then perhaps nursery would be a good idea.

mrsmummy1111 · 22/08/2020 06:56

At 13 months I wouldn't say he's technically a toddler, as he doesn't understand that he's stuck indoors all day and is too young to ask to go out and play in the park or with other kids. My son is a pram hater too but I just load the bag up with snacks and toys for him to play with while he's in the buggy and that seems to keep him occupied for quite a while.

At the same time, I wouldn't deny him the chance to go to nursery if you can afford it, even for 1 day. Nursery has so many benefits even at their age (I don't agree with pp who said that at this age they just play "near" other kids) - my son was definitely playing "with" other kids at that age. I I think one day at nursery would help you feel less pressured to be out every other day when he's at home, but I do also think some fresh air every day for both the babies wouldn't do any harm. A quick trip to the park and fly can push the 13m old in the swing with the newborn sleeping in the buggy. There's really no reason to be stuck indoors all day.

Tumbleweed101 · 22/08/2020 06:59

At 13mths he won’t benefit too much from nursery, in regards to socialising with peers. He is at an age where it could take him a while to settle too.

Lots of playtime in the garden or at the park with you is fine at this age. Give him lots of new things to explore like water play, pots and pans to bang, boxes to crawl in. They don’t get bored in the way we do as everything is still very new to them.

If you are considering nursery to give yourself a breather than that is certainly a more valid reason with two young children with a small age gap. It’s exhausting.

BendingSpoons · 22/08/2020 07:00

I don't think he needs to go to nursery for his benefit. If you need to put him in nursery because it's tough having two so young then that is different. DC2 is 18m and does a lot of watching other children too, although he can walk which makes things much easier. Children don't really play with other children (just alongside) until age 3. For now he is fine with a wander to the swings some days, playing with you and toys at home, seeing Grandparents etc. But again, if you need a bit of a break, that is different.

TitsOutForHarambe · 22/08/2020 07:02

At 13 months I wouldn't worry at all. At that age it isn't going to make much difference if other babies/toddlers are around. Just make sure he's allowed to roam about and do things, whether that's at home or the park or whatever. Worry about his social life and nursery when he's older.

BendingSpoons · 22/08/2020 07:03

I'd be careful of putting him in just for one day, as it can make it harder to settle, especially when he has just had a new sibling and is too young to explain things to.

Flip

1 2