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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sorry for my toddler...

41 replies

ThatsNotMyCherry · 21/08/2020 23:05

who is stuck at home most days with me and my newborn. He’s very active and sociable so I think he would really enjoy nursery but I’m nervous about sending him to one because I have a newborn and I see my parents and parents in laws frequently who I don’t want to put at risk. What would you do?

OP posts:

SummerInSun · 22/08/2020 07:05

I was going to say that you should send him to nursery for all the fun, socialisation, etc, then I read he was only 13 months. To me, that's still a baby, but then neither of my DC toddled until 18 months. They were both at nursery from 12 months, though, and thrived.

I don't think covid should factor into this - very little evidence that young children get or spread covid. In any normal year he could pick up a nasty cold or flu and pass that on to anyone else in the family in the same way, but we never used to keep kids out of nursery for that reason. The real question is whether you would like him to attend nursery, whether you can afford it, whether you can find one convenient to you that you like (and trust the hygiene standards), whether you think he would enjoy it, etc. In your position, I'd sign him up for a few mornings a week.

mysteryfairy · 22/08/2020 07:28

I had this age gap and the early days were very hard having basically 2 babies. I didn’t use a nursery until DS2 was 9 months when I went back to work and they both went.

DS1 loved seeing people but they didn’t necessarily need to be other tiny children...I saw family and friends, including my own child free friends, who were happy to pay him loads of attention. I also did libraries, groups, soft play etc with other little ones. I had an event for him every week day. I appreciate Covid is a huge blocker to this but can you try and identify any activities? I ran toddler group in my village myself...both with DS1/2 and later having moved did it again in another village for DD. I think if I was faced with the current situation I’d run a group outside at least for the autumn. Can you reach out and see if anything like that exists or maybe be the one to establish it?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 22/08/2020 08:28

He really is not a toddler yet. You have 2 babies. At 13 months there is no social need for him to go to nursery. He will be just fine at home with you and your other baby; provided you give him plenty of attention and interaction. Do persevere with the buggy though, even if he struggles a bit. You all need to get out.

Sailingblue · 22/08/2020 08:37

He’s still a baby really. My first was in nursery from 12m but I’d say it was for my benefit (work) and she probably only really benefited from 18m. My second has been sr home during lockdown. She’ll end up starting at 18m and I think she’s much more ready for it and is fascinated by other children.

So don’t feel guilty about your baby but if you need time to just have 1:1 with the newborn then also do it and don’t feel guilty. The age gap must be tough now but should make things easier later on when they are both bigger and they’re at similar stages.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 22/08/2020 08:42

I'd send him.to nursery for my own sanity and he will love it if hes very active as you say.
Is it just covid putting you off ? If so , dont let it dictate your life for the next 2 years

DayKay · 22/08/2020 08:50

He’s fine at home with you and baby, if not better off at that age.
Get out for a bit of fresh air every day, even if it is a garden.
I’m sure you’ve got stimulating things for him to do - toys, books, bit of CBeebies, visits to grandparents. It’s all good.
Give him a snack or toy in his buggy if that helps him to stay in so you can go out and about.

Original poster

ThatsNotMyCherry · 22/08/2020 09:07

Thanks for the all the advice and suggestions!

I have been taking a drink for the pushchair but once that’s finished he kicks off again. I will start taking snacks too so hopefully we can be out for a bit longer.

We have a small garden which he enjoys crawling in however he keeps going for the patio and the flower beds so he can pick up stones or bark to put in his mouth and he’s a super fast crawler so it gets exhausting chasing him! I think once he’s walking it might be better as he won’t be on the ground grazing his knees and looking at what’s there to eat ( I think! )

We do see some adults every weekend whether that’s his grandparents or friends of ours and he does get plenty of attention and loves it.

It’s during the week that he seems really bored as he whinges and moans lot. He has little interest in his toys, he will play with them for a bit then get bored and start trying to do things he’s not supposed to like vigorously bouncing the baby bouncer, Grabbing the baby, reaching for things he isn’t allowed etc. I feel like I’m constantly just saying no to him. It’s tough with two small ones but I can manage, it’s not really to give myself a break as much as to make sure he’s happy and not whinging.

My plan pre covid was to see how it went with two and sign him up for nursery if I felt that he or I needed it. The two nurseries near me said you have to sign up for a minimum of two full days, I would really like to start with one and see how it goes. I’ll speak to them again now and see how I feel after a visit.

OP posts:

aSofaNearYou · 22/08/2020 10:37

I was expecting him to be a fair bit older, I would class 13 months as a baby. I think by the time he's 2 he would benefit from going to nursery and socialising more, but I wouldn't worry just yet. There's good and bad in all solutions, but do bear in mind that he could be learning really valuable skills about coping without constant stimulation/playing by himself being at home with you and the baby. Those skills can really help him flourish as he gets older. He will be fine.

converseandjeans · 22/08/2020 13:45

What about a childminder? If you can afford it then why not? Maybe he could go mornings then come home in time for lunch nap?

My DS was never interested in any toys so we just used to go out - usually something in the morning and again late afternoon. When I say 'out' it might just be the shop, local park, library.

Can you drive? Maybe get a pass to a local attraction - when mine were that age I had a zoo pass & used to go to city farm.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 22/08/2020 14:16

I don’t think he needs to go to nursery either, he’s still a baby really. They don’t play with each other until around three years.

zigaziga · 22/08/2020 14:21

Well he’s just a baby himself.

At 13 months I wouldn't worry at all. At that age it isn't going to make much difference if other babies/toddlers are around. Just make sure he's allowed to roam about and do things, whether that's at home or the park or whatever. Worry about his social life and nursery when he's older.

This

My first went to nursery at that age but it was because I needed to work, I wouldn’t have used it otherwise. The real benefit comes from age 3 I understand. A 13 month old baby doesn’t really need socialisation.

Bbq1 · 22/08/2020 14:29

He's a baby! I thought you were going to say he was 2 or 3. He's not a toddler, he's not toddling yet! Op, babies of that age don't need nursery at all. He'll be happy with you at home and trips to the park etc. It is an extremely small age gap and as a result you have 2 babies atm but I'm sure he's contented as things stand.

jessstan2 · 22/08/2020 14:31

Keep him at home for now, he is still only a baby himself.

Sugarhouse · 22/08/2020 14:33

He is still very much a baby himself all he really wants is to be with his mummy don’t worry about it. My 3 year old starts nursery for the first time in a few weeks and he is ready but definitely wasn’t at 13 months. Enjoy your time at home with your two babies you are all they need. Congratulations on your newborn.

fishonabicycle · 22/08/2020 15:24

13 months isn't a toddler. He's still a baby. So he's fine being with you and the newborn.

funnyonion1 · 22/08/2020 15:49

Same age gap here OP. I was out every morning and afternoon with both children, for my sanity and for the 13 month olds sanity. Newborn was in a sling.

Your older child will be close to walking soon and that's the game-changer. They'll be happy toddling around any old park for ages and burning off energy!

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