I have no friends and most likely never will. ..

[trexraptor]

Moved a lot as a child, changed country once which is where I live and have settled down now.
Me and DH have both sets of parents around, little DCs, quaint house, all good there.

But I have no friends, literally not a soul I could text/call for a girly catch up/coffee/night out or just for a chat. I went to a horrible school where I got bullied as I wasn't from this country and the friends I made towards the end turned out to not really be friends.

Now that I'm a mum myself and one of my DCs are at school I thought I would've maybe struck up a friendship with one of the school mums but there's an age gap between me and DH (not the biggest in the world but still) and it seems where we live people have DCs in their late 30s/early 40s so I'm the youngest mum by at LEAST 10 years if not more from what I've gathered and haven't really gelled that well.

I have a career WFH which I love as its allowed us great flexibility with DCs and not having to rely on anyone for childcare especially in the recent times but it doesn't allow any opportunity to meet new people.
DH has tonnes of friends and bumps into someone he knows in most places we go to, I've socialised before in couples with some of his friends but never made a connection with anyone that would maybe develop into a more independent friendship.
I've attended mum and toddler groups where I know most people and chat and so on but again they all either have existing friends / friendship groups or we never get past the initial polite chat stage.
I've tried sites and meet up forums but without much luck.

It's gotten to the point where I'm not great in social situations and can probably be quite boring. I get on with it most of the time and I'm pretty happy with my lovely DH, DCs and cat.
But I have to keep encouraging DH to go out and see his friends and do nights out because I know he feels bad that I can't do the same and is sometimes reluctant to go.
And sometimes it all just gets to me and I think how once DCs are older and more independent I'm going to be quite lonely. I look around and see these lifelong friendships or very close groups and I get a little pang of jealousy and pain.

AIBU to think that this is just how it always will be?

Do you do any sports? Some sports like badminton or hockey have sessions open to everyone. It’s easier to socialise with people when you are doing something together.
Book clubs, voluntary work and PTAs are also good.
Making proper friends takes a long time.

I struggled all my life re friends, various reasons, shyness, bullied, getting possessive with friends, the friends I did have turned out to be frenemies, bullies and not real friends. School mums friends turned out to be toxic and a big mistake, as then the mums take it out on the children ! Eg no play dates/ party invites etc.
I have my sister who I'm close with and I talk to work colleagues on a friendly superficial level and that's all I have. Thankfully I have my sister or I wouldn't have anyone to talk to really. Previous poster said they be the only one messaging ppl and their replies are one worded- been there done that, it hurts when people are cold like that. Iv accepted I don't have friends BUT I still feel lonely and jealous of my past friends social lives and besties when it's all over social media, I feel I'm a outsider and I have a big gap in my life but it's not for want of trying - in fact I tried to hard before and came across desperate, hopefully won't make that mistake again, as I said Iv had to accept I don't have friends.

I've tried volunteering with charities, guides, brownies, PTA and going to gym classes, joining running groups, dog walking groups, meetup.com, trying to socialise with DHs friends partners, school gate conversations, colleagues/work nights out, signing up for pretty much everything.

Still don't have a single friend.

Was crying tonight because DH was getting phone call after phone call from friends and I can't remember the last time someone other than my parents, DH and DD called me.

Does anyone want to be my friend :(

I commented on a threat similar to this earlier this year! It's easier said than done to meet new people and make friends. I lost touch with basically all of my school friends and when I changed jobs all the promise of staying in touch and remaining friends didn't happen.

On the back of this, a lovely lady PM'd me on here and we've been pen pals ever since, it was a leap of faith which I'm glad she took as even just exchanging pleasantries with someone and sharing stories has been a huge comfort and I'd consider her my friend! Sometimes it's a chance encounter

You need to do something to give you conversation - get involved in a local group or campaign or take up a leisure pursuit. I got really boring when all I did was go to baby groups. I bored myself tbh.

Hobbies and leisure things also give you a chance to get to know people. If you like walking, walking groups can be good as you have people to talk with as you walk.

If you live in south wales you could pm me! I am always glad to meet new people and make new friends! Same to you @lookingforamindatwork

This is me! I get on with people but can't seem to turn it into an actual friendship. Will look at joining some stuff after coronavirus - everyone is a bit more guarded at the moment. In Portsmouth if anyone here is in the same boat!

I have brought up 5 children to adulthood. I have met many acquaintances along the way. I have made many “friends”.

From experience, my perception of “friends” is friends are those who need something from you. Once that need is met they have no space in their lives for you any longer.

It took a while to realise that but once I did I’m happy in my own skin. I’m happy to be involved in groups for dog walking, grandparents morning at soft play etc. I’m happiest living my own life.

There is an old saying, “A friend in need is a friend indeed. So true!

I haven't got any. It makes me feel sad sometimes, but I'm used to it now.

I'm in Scotland if anyone is there, but I'll talk to anyone, I'd love a whole bunch of new friends, even just to talk to. You can all PM me. There really should be more people PMing and swapping details and becoming friends!

I did try campaigning but they never kept me updated with anything! I constantly feel like I'm the one always making the effort and for nothing.

I'm quite similar, and don't much bother with keeping a friendship going if we are not close/neighbours any longer.
I have a couple of nice hobbies, and plenty of people I chat to, have lunch/coffee with but wouldn't call friends in the traditional sense. For me my family, work, hobbies and aquaintences are enough. I'm not in the schoolyard, needing a bestie any longer.

I have no hobbies - no idea what I even like anymore! Tried meeting parents at DC school and they are all already in their groups. I even tried the PTA but they arent interested in expanding their circle.
I work, but only with younger people who arent interested in middle aged me, however well we get on at work!
Happy for anyone to PM as I have no friends either!

Aw OP you sound nice.
No advice, but you are not alone. I am similar having moved countries and find everyone is friendly but already have very tight knit mates, mainly their childhood/school or uni friends, the sort you keep for life. Work or hobby friends are a bit different I find, and often over time things fizzle out without the common group (people leave work, move, different stages of life... so naturally harder to stay in touch as it becomes an annual.. biannual.. never meet up). At the moment there are a few school mums, but they are acquaintances I'd say, we chat and rant on playdates/outing but I wont say we are friends, as they all have their own close friends.

To top it off I dont drink, so I feel like in this country u cant get to a deeper level without drinking!

I always made friends quite easily although I'd say I've always been a bit awkward but I find it hard now. I moved town a couple of years ago and haven't made one friend. My old friends I still see, but as I'm further away I'm not part of it like I used to be which makes me sad, and I hate that I haven't made friends where I am. At work everyone seems to be great friends out of work too, I seem to get on well with them there but it doesn't go any further, I can't work out why I seem to be so left out of things, try not to let it bother me though. I'm around Herts /cambs if anyone else is.

I think this is a much more common problem than most people realise. I have friends who I chat to and socialise with but am not part of a “core” group of friends who do holidays & NYE and big things together. I feel lonely about this sometimes but I think assuming I’m the only person in this situation is part of the problem.

This might sound weird and I’m not selling anything, but I’m in a really wonderful supportive Facebook group called bodyFX where people do the same exercise routines & encourage each other and I’ve seen some really lovely friendships get formed within that group. It avoids all the logistics issues of getting to a class at a certain time so might be worth a look.

I also wonder if you might be depressed and that’s making you think that nobody would want to be friends with you? Might be worth talking to your husband and go about if that might be the case. You sound nice and you shouldn’t have to accept being lonely. Ideally you husbands friends will become your friends too, so maybe try being open to that again.

GP not go!

It is not easy. Met few through school run. We have a dog so he gets me out in the mornings. Friendships hard I was walking but others havent committed back to it. Some women dont want new people to the group.. coffees I meet my friend every two weeks so thats nice.

I find that people often comment behind my back that I’m too quiet and weird yet when I try to be more friendly and outgoing people think I’m too full on and weird 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I’ve stopped bothering trying to make friends.

I'm in the same boat Op. No one I can truly call a friend.

I want to set up a group in local area were it's everyone with no friends. Just meet regularly and see if we can get people talking and see who we gel with.

There is 7 billion people in this world, not one of us should be here with no friends.

@WickedEmoji I'll be your mn buddy!

Bump.
Not being able to meet up in person has made it much harder during lockdown periods.
I make occasional friends but never locals ones. As I meet through online dating/friends.
I also find living alone can be lonely.

I also hate when new friendships fizzle out. As though I did something wrong. But its just the guy cant be bothered to meet up anymore.
Investing time and trust takes ages and then for it to disappear after some months or less!

Not as easy as we well know. Found school ones clicky some didnt want new mams to the group.. have few good pals we met through work. One school mam lovely our kids in same secondary. Feel for you op

I have practically no friends where I live either. I go to a spiritual group but it can be quite superficial and only one friend socialises with me from it. Of course there is no socialising at the moment bar a walk outside in the freezing cold lol. Which I may do over Christmas!

I just have my 15 year old ds who is in his own world and no family whatsoever. I do occasionally talk to the ex but he lives 100 miles away.

I have a theme of making women friends for a while and then they dump me. I did have a friend for 2 years but she got draining so I had to let her go. Where are all the giving positive people out there! I expect they are in their complacent friendship circle/husband/family etc.

In a few years I will join the choir but it may not be yet as it clashes with work days for now.

Two friends appear to have dumped me yet again for no apparent reason. They used to be so good at sending me birthday cards well I only got 3 cards this year. For some reason it has really got to me!

I have also always found mum friendships cliquey and not at all my thing. I prefer more quirky unconventional friends not those keeping up with the Joneses.