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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will/inheritance question.

119 replies

rattusrattus20 · 21/08/2020 13:20

I’ve seen similar questions posted on here before but wanted to get some clear views from a simple question free of non-core details.

Imagine a childless, married couple. Married for pretty much all their adult lives. One earns more than the other. Spouse A has 1 living sibling, spouse B has 2 living siblings. They want to write a will that, in the event they both pass away at the same time, leaves everything to their siblings. Which of the following do posters think would be the best and fairest split between siblings?

Thanks in advance.

(a) 50: 50 between A’s sibling and B’s siblings, so A’s sibling gets 50% and each of B’s siblings get 25% each. This split could be characterised as ‘fair’ in the sense that each side of the family gets the same/A’s sibling isn’t ‘penalised’ as a result of B coming from a larger family.

(b) An equal (33:33:33) split between all siblings. This split could be characterised as ‘fair’ in the sense that each sibling gets the same/B’s siblings aren’t penalised as a result of their coming from a larger family.

(c) Something else, focusing in particular on how much money each of Spouse A and Spouse B earned during the marriage.

(d) Something else, focusing in particular on how needy/deserving/close/etc the three sibling are.

OP posts:
Witchlight · 21/08/2020 14:53

@Plexie

Option (e): divide into quarters. One quarter to each sibling and the last quarter to charity.

Yes, two people can die at the same time, eg car crash. There is usually a clause when leaving inheritance to someone very close to you (eg who you live with) that they will only inherit if they survive you by 24 hours. Not ideal in a situation where both are involved in a crash but one survives in hospital for more than 24 hours, as the longer surviving person will inherit and then have it split according to their will. But not all eventualities can be covered.

Never ever leave a percentage to a charity. Charities are the most unsympathetic co-inheritors in the world. They make sure their charity gets every penny they’re legally entitled to irrespective of the work and cost to the people sorting out the estate.

Much better to take a quarter of the pot and ask each of the siblings to donate a third to a charity they believe you would approve of. That way the siblings can organise things, rather than the charity dictate.

Can you tell I’ve been burned!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/08/2020 14:58

yet there is a little sadness that half of MiL's money will go to someone she never met and isn't related to Or that it will go to the people her sons love?

Original poster
rattusrattus20 · 21/08/2020 14:58

@GreenShadow - that's shit.

If it's any consolation it plainly was your DMiL's wish for the money to be split equally between her two sons... and I guess it's just one of those things that your DBiL happened not to have any children of his own... the money was his to do what he wanted with...

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 21/08/2020 15:00

In our state if both partners die together - drowning, car accident etc and there is no witness to say who died first, then it is assumed that the woman died first (because they are the weaker sex) and the husband's will is the one probated. You might check on that.
When I was rewriting my will, the lawyer reminded me that an inheritance is a gift not a right and you normally give different gifts to people based on need, or their closeness to you. Besides, you won't be around to know what they think about it!Grin

Fyzz · 21/08/2020 15:05

A.
The estate is split in half and divided between the siblings on each side.

daisychain01 · 21/08/2020 15:06

@KitKat1985

B I think.

Although the chances of both partners passing away at the same time is very unlikely.

I agree on both counts.

Any inheritance based on what the benefactors believe is "deserved" or who is the most "in need" is fraught with complexity. If, for example, through a quirk of fate the sibling deemed "in need" at the time of writing the will goes on to acquire some fortune that was not anticipated, then the balance of fairness and deservedness is not the same or accurate. Who'd want to have to keep updating their will constantly to allow for changes that life can bring.

Option B means none of those siblings ever need to fall out about money, or feel unfairly treated or neglected (or made to be the Golden Sibling, which may be a very uncomfortable feeling for them).

And it is a very unrealistic gamble to take that neither partner will pre-decease the other. Each party's will would need to hold a condition within it, that albeit their estate passes to their widow/er on their demise, that on the death of the surviving partner, the split would occur in the proportions agreed ie 33:33:33 of the residual assets after all debts have been liquidated. This is something to run by a solicitor though, because I expect there is still some degree of risk that the surviver could change their will after the death of their spouse.

daisychain01 · 21/08/2020 15:10

you won't be around to know what they think about it!

Given that the people you are mentioning in your will are people you love and care about, why would you do anything that might cause upset or hurt to those loved ones, after you've gone?

YorkshireTeaIsTheBest · 21/08/2020 15:18

I divide it equally between all.

I do know of a couple -very wealthy. They have two well off adult kids and currently 4 children - 3 to one (child A) and 1 to the other adult child (child B). There will leaves everything to the grandchildren in equal portions.

Of wealthy couple one parents has died. The other one is frail. Child B is worried as in 2/3 years they plan on having another baby -but that baby won't receive anything if Mum dies before they are born. A lot of bad feeling already that Child B is not being treated the same.

seriousandloyal · 21/08/2020 15:31

B

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/08/2020 15:56

A or B are both fair and you’re in the best position to say which would be best.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/08/2020 16:11

Yorkshire - If that happened you could probably vary the will afterwards to include the the unborn child if all beneficiaries agree.

Biker47 · 21/08/2020 16:11

Not that I have our wills sorted yet, we only have 1 sibling each, but if we both die at the same time; we would like it to be; half of the house to each sibling, then my assets/money will go to my sibling and my partner's to their sibling. I'm the higher earner.

Blankblankblank · 21/08/2020 16:19

B

Biker47 · 21/08/2020 16:23

Never ever leave a percentage to a charity.

This. Listed fixed amount only if you have to. They'll want a percentage of literally everything, regardless of sentimental value, all sold and split to the percentage.

Jux · 21/08/2020 16:26

Presumably either A or B will die first. Will the living person inherit all of the dead one's estate or will that be divided amongst the dead one's siblings only (leaving the living person with only what is left?) or will all the siblings get a bit of it.

I would just leave everything to my spouse and assume that when my spouse dies everything will be divided equally among all our siblings.

Jux · 21/08/2020 16:30

A dies and B inherits everything, then remarries (C). C has two children and 4 siblings. What happens when B dies? What about when C dies - what had been partly A's property/money might go to C and then C could leave all of it to his/her children and/or siblings leaving all the original siblings with nothing.

QuizzlyBear · 21/08/2020 16:32

We recently did our Wills and had a similar dilemma for if we (and the DCs) all died. My DH has one sibling, I have two (that I'd count!). We split everything 50:50 (despite very different earnings) and each of us left our siblings the 50% (so mine got 25% each).

It seemed fair as my DH would be leaving 'his share' to his family and I'd be leaving my share to mine.

We did also leave a couple of k to each of our nieces and nephews and there are 6 on my side, 1 on his and neither of us considered that this might not be 'fair'!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 21/08/2020 16:40

I’d do B personally as you’ve been married a long time so it’s really a joint pot now ( I’m assuming you’ve been married a couple of decades)). People bring different “assets” to a marriage and they’re not all financial.

bungaloid · 21/08/2020 16:41

We've done B in the same scenario

Mylifeisboring · 21/08/2020 16:43

Option B seems the fairest and is the option I would go for.

burritofan · 21/08/2020 16:45

We’ve done B, split equally between all the siblings, even though there are more on one side than the other.

The thing is, wills aren’t meant to be fair. They’re meant to tell the executors where the money goes. You could leave it all to a cat if you wanted.

ItsIslandTime · 21/08/2020 16:46

A - that’s the normal and obvious choice. The only way I might vary it would be if one person had a huge need eg severe disability.

KaleJuicer · 21/08/2020 16:47

A is what the law would do (eventually) if you both died simultaneously without a will. I am a lawyer and A is what I’d go for as the principle is to split between families not on a per capita basis. Having said that I can see why most people would instinctively go for B.

Levrierssontmeilleurs · 21/08/2020 16:47

B split a third each. I’ve never understood the need to ensure each “side” of the family gets an equal share rather than each individual

MagicSummer · 21/08/2020 16:51

It's all a complete minefield - I would go for B on the premise that the lone sibling is not penalised for being part of a smaller family.

I have a difficult situation to solve too. I am older than DH, I have no siblings or children, he does and grandchildren. I do not wish the inheritance which I received from my parents to go to his offspring but would like him to enjoy at least some of it before the rest goes to my family. I don't know how to fix this without upsetting him!!!