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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Social Distancing has created a new uncomfortable social problem?

111 replies

Jigsawpuzzles · 20/08/2020 22:28

Let me explain, I work in healthcare. Today we took a rare treat trip to Legoland. Me and my two DC, I am a single parent. All was pretty good social distancing wise until one guy behind in queue (with wife and son) repeatedly kept moving along wIth us to be right behind us. To the point several times he hit me with his bag, zero sorry zero attempts to stay back.

Several announcement go in in the queues to remind people, after about 1/2 hour of this I asked really politely “if it’s ok would you mind keeping your distance a bit” he was literally arm to arm with me. His immediate response was “you could just move there..” indicating the 1m max space in front of us before the next group of people🙄. My response was well yes I could but that’s not the point as you will move forward again. His wife then intervened and tried to appease us by saying “ok that’s ok, are you a bit worried..” ever so patronising. As I then said personally as I work in healthcare maybe they would do best to not crowd me and be as worried themselves. The woman’s response was “my mother died of Covid so don’t say that”. A strange response as they clearly didn’t GAF about precautions.

As you can imagine what then happened was guy kept back but in an obviously pissed off arsey way. I felt like crap the rest of the queue (another joyful 45mins) and wished I hadn’t said anything. Also angry as I was just asking for basic manners! I imagine if I was with a man he wouldn’t of acted that way. WIBU? And does anyone else feel like this is going to always be an awkward social thing to enforce when people don’t like/aren’t in a position to have conflict?

OP posts:

Yogamad38 · 20/08/2020 22:31

I think it's difficult to SD when people like this make it so awkward. YANBU x

starfro · 20/08/2020 22:43

Why go to a theme park if you're that paranoid? This was bound to happen in the queues for rides.

If someone has Covid (incredibly unlikely at the moment) then being 50cm from them vs 1 metre is going to make little difference if you're in a queue for 30mins. You're not suddenly magically safe at 1m.

purpleboy · 20/08/2020 22:47

Why should op have to stay at home because people don't have any respect or decency? It's not that hard stay 1m away, regardless of the outcome if it makes people feel happier or safer why the fuck wouldn't you try not to be an asshole?

Hope you had a great day op!

Original poster

Jigsawpuzzles · 20/08/2020 22:49

@starfro I’m unsure where you got I was paranoid from? People are allowed to leave the house and expect measure to be followed like they are in the supermarket? Yeah you don’t HAVE to go to a theme park but in the holidays is there a reason you CANT and expect someone to follow basic measures? And the guidance for queue there is 2metres and this was 0cm. Scientifically your point about distance is nonsense as spread is halved for every 50cm making 2m less than 2%. And your idea that it’s “unlikely” someone would have it? Based on what science?

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 20/08/2020 22:51

The OP isn't 'paranoid'.

TBH you may need to be more assertive, OP. Not "“if it’s ok would you mind keeping your distance a bit” - maybe more of a statement: "you're not keeping far enough back. I work in healthcare so have to take this seriously".

Original poster

Jigsawpuzzles · 20/08/2020 22:52

@purpleboy thanks, clearly I was “asking for it” by leaving the house. @starfro I even got the tickets free for being a keyworker and protecting people’s lives. I bet your raging at that too, should of stayed at home

OP posts:

Original poster

Jigsawpuzzles · 20/08/2020 22:53

I agree I do need to be more assertive, I didn’t mention the healthcare but until the wife said “are you a bit worried”, my initial statement was very polite “if it’s ok...” Assertiveness needs work for sure, this is what I mean about it being so hard for people and they are forced to feel uncomfortable whether they say owt or not

OP posts:

Flatpackback · 20/08/2020 22:54

Why is it bound to happen in a queue for a ride? If there’s 3 people in front of you, there’s 3 people in front of you. Bunching up instead of keeping to the agreed distance doesn’t make the queue any shorter.

SnackSizeRaisin · 20/08/2020 22:55

Being so close he was touching you with his bag would be very annoying even pre covid. I doubt think this is a new problem unfortunately.

Sh05 · 20/08/2020 23:00

It's happening everywhere. We had to pop into b&q earlier today. The distance is clearly marked on the floor, on the wall where we were queuing but still the lady behind us crept right into my elbow. I think she thought as she was doing it quietly we wouldn't notice?
I just pointed to her box and said that's your space. She huffed and rolled her eyes and carried on huffing but did move back.

starfro · 20/08/2020 23:04

If you were really 0cm you'd be mouth to mouth with them, which isn't recommended.

Probability of picking up the virus increases with time if you're next to an infected person for over an hour then distance isn't going to be a major factor.

dismaldebbie · 20/08/2020 23:07

I just pointed to her box and said that's your space.

Pmsl! Love it!

ErrolTheDragon · 20/08/2020 23:09

Probability of picking up the virus increases with time if you're next to an infected person for over an hour then distance isn't going to be a major factor.

And it decreases with distance.
So if they're at sufficient distance then time isn't going to be a major factor. The only variable over which there was any control was distance. So obviously the bloke should have stayed back, certainly not have been bumping the OP with his bag.

IdblowJonSnow · 20/08/2020 23:12

Ugh. I cant stand it when people shuffle up like that, vivid or not. I usually swing my bag around a bit and mark my space. Its pathetic but it's bad manners like when a car drives up your arse on a busy road but no one is getting anywhere a bit faster.
Yanbu.

IdblowJonSnow · 20/08/2020 23:13

Covid, not vivid!

Ditheringdooley · 20/08/2020 23:14

People are idiots. I’m sorry you had a stressful day.

The woman’s reaction was really weird.

I am finding the SD thing tricky. Being massively pregnant and having permanent resting birth face helps but not always. We just haven’t really adjusted to it yet- if the advice had remained at 2m we might have but the change to 1m and other mixed messages muddled it. I get why businesses can’t work with 2m but for individuals out and about that’s what we should aim for.

latticechaos · 20/08/2020 23:16

@starfro

Why go to a theme park if you're that paranoid? This was bound to happen in the queues for rides.

Oh ffs

she's not paranoid
yes the distance makes a difference

UtMalumPluvia · 20/08/2020 23:20

I hated this before the pandemic. Many a time a man has gotten too close that I can feel his breath on my neck. Or if I leave a step between me and the person I'm from some twat behind stars nudging me to get up their arse.

You'll get twats saying you should stay at home rather then expect people to have basic manners.

It's like you have to either be stasi mask police and paranoid or a selfish careless murdering arsehole. You can't just be a family following guidelines trying to have a nice day in a shit year and politely asking others to do the same means you shouldn't go out.

scubadive · 20/08/2020 23:24

Completely agree and the ignorance on here from some posters is terrifying
.
Why go out if you want to social distance?? WTAF, this is the law.

Posters quoting their own science sh**.

There are so many stupid people in the U.k with such an ignorant attitude to Covid, there is no wonder why we have the highest death rate in the world.

PickAChew · 20/08/2020 23:24

Space invaders are always annoying.

Sophiafour · 20/08/2020 23:25

I have a LARGE personal space comfort zone. Personally I don't think 2 metres (where it even IS 2 metres) is anything like enough. But this - people standing so close they're practically up my arse - is one of the main reasons I try to avoid pretty much anywhere at high season or busy times of day (a bit tricky when you live in a tourist town...)

We're especially bad at it (or good at it, depending on your point of view) in Britain. My worst experience was at the Spinnaker Tower a few years ago. I got so annoyed after a few minutes of it I stood back on the culprit's foot (I was wearing big heavy hiking boots) and she STILL didn't step back (yes, it was a woman).

Had another horrible experience at the till at Lidl in Southampton with a hag who had NO idea of personal space (another woman). It was one of the main things that put me off using them for years. Luckily the newer ones are bigger.

This population density/having no concept of personal space in queues thing is one of the main reasons we do most stuff out of season. Well, that and the fact we live in a touristy (though by no means posh) place. It does make you look at people rather differently. Don't get me started on the rubbish thing either. Every time I see adverts to go and live on a Scottish island I'm more and more tempted.

Original poster

Jigsawpuzzles · 20/08/2020 23:25

@ErrolTheDragon

Probability of picking up the virus increases with time if you're next to an infected person for over an hour then distance isn't going to be a major factor.

Exactly this @ErrolTheDragon, it decreases with distance, Thankyou :-)

OP posts:

macaroniinapot · 20/08/2020 23:25

Went to the zoo today and felt irritated by this kind of thing all day. A particular dad and his family seemed hell bent on sticking as close to us as possible.

That said, I forgot the rule had changed to 1m until this thread. So perhaps he wasn't being as annoying as I first thought!

PerkingFaintly · 20/08/2020 23:27

This is actually fascinating.

We've had many a pre-Covid thread about people who queue up your arse. Odd behaviour, but I've never given it much thought.

Now the rule of social distancing (enforced with floor markings, PR campaigns, social pressure and a RISK OF DEATH) is strongly demonstrating that there are people for whom this is a Thing, isn't it?

There is no possibility that they don't know they are supposed to keep a distance. They even have the floor markings to help them.

And yet...

It's like they can't help themselves. They seem to become uncomfortable when made to distance.

I'd love to see some psychological research into this. Maybe humans are more of a herd animal than we're credited with, and in some people a subconscious need to close up the pack is very strong?

Or... what?

LetsBeSensible · 20/08/2020 23:27

It’s because you’re a woman. He was being an asshat. His wife is used to it and tried to appease him and help you by making it you being a bit precious but in need. Like he would be doing you a favour coz you’re a bit worried.
I’ve taken to being that person who booms “oh look, a MAN needs to get past/get near the front” just coz it fucks me off.

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