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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Social Distancing has created a new uncomfortable social problem?

111 replies

Jigsawpuzzles · 20/08/2020 22:28

Let me explain, I work in healthcare. Today we took a rare treat trip to Legoland. Me and my two DC, I am a single parent. All was pretty good social distancing wise until one guy behind in queue (with wife and son) repeatedly kept moving along wIth us to be right behind us. To the point several times he hit me with his bag, zero sorry zero attempts to stay back.

Several announcement go in in the queues to remind people, after about 1/2 hour of this I asked really politely “if it’s ok would you mind keeping your distance a bit” he was literally arm to arm with me. His immediate response was “you could just move there..” indicating the 1m max space in front of us before the next group of people🙄. My response was well yes I could but that’s not the point as you will move forward again. His wife then intervened and tried to appease us by saying “ok that’s ok, are you a bit worried..” ever so patronising. As I then said personally as I work in healthcare maybe they would do best to not crowd me and be as worried themselves. The woman’s response was “my mother died of Covid so don’t say that”. A strange response as they clearly didn’t GAF about precautions.

As you can imagine what then happened was guy kept back but in an obviously pissed off arsey way. I felt like crap the rest of the queue (another joyful 45mins) and wished I hadn’t said anything. Also angry as I was just asking for basic manners! I imagine if I was with a man he wouldn’t of acted that way. WIBU? And does anyone else feel like this is going to always be an awkward social thing to enforce when people don’t like/aren’t in a position to have conflict?

OP posts:
QueenCT · 21/08/2020 00:14

I had this in the doctors, someone stood so close to me he was almost breathing down my neck. I asked him to move back and he gave me a lecture on how a healthy young woman like me shouldn't be scared of a virus
I told him I was shielding and to give me some room and he didn't move
Reception saw my face glare and told him to respect the markings on the floor

GameofChess · 21/08/2020 00:17

@LucilleBluth

I hate to say it op because I do agree but of you are that bothered then I would avoid theme parks.

You are always going to get this on a crowded place imo.

Yeah Jigsawpuzzles why didn't you finish your shift working in a (probably warm, fusty) hospital and spend your day off (and a summer's day of your kids' one & only childhood) in the house?

Y'know, so that the cock standing behind you could enjoy getting as close as he liked to the person in front of him in the queue?

nancybotwinbloom · 21/08/2020 00:19

I get it op. I'm wearing a mask in every shop etc. I will be honest it's like an 80 20 rule here.

With the 80% not wearing.

DeadHouseBounce · 21/08/2020 00:21

The Space Invaders/Energy Stealers must feed, they were starved during the lock down as the social taboo of getting into peoples space outweighed their need to be in someones gravity at any opportunity, unfortunately they are getting bolder again......

Mistymonday · 21/08/2020 00:22

Get a big victorian hoop dress! Seriously though, yanbu.

GameofChess · 21/08/2020 00:24

I had this in an ice-cream queue. I feel sorry for the establishments too. They are for the most part breaking their necks to comply, so that they can stay open and aren't involved in any outbreaks. Imagine the faff for them when a previous customer contacts them to say they've tested positive?

We were standing in the queue, which they'd duly separated into keep left lines (as on tube escalators, etc). But the family behind us were speshul & needed to spread out across the exit line. When I stood waiting for the daughter to move over - for the second time, she moved for my DD then moved back to her position of blocking the exit - her mother said loudly and passive-aggressively "well excuse ME!".

I did not remain silent.Wink. But unlike you I didn't have to stand next to them for another 45 minutes.

GameofChess · 21/08/2020 00:25

@Mistymonday

Get a big victorian hoop dress! Seriously though, yanbu.
Grin
Smallsteps88 · 21/08/2020 00:27

guy kept back but in an obviously pissed off arsey way.

Ask yourself why you care that he was obviously pissed off. He stayed back so you got what you needed. Who cares if he wasn’t happy about it?

GameofChess · 21/08/2020 00:28

@DeadHouseBounce

The Space Invaders/Energy Stealers must feed, they were starved during the lock down as the social taboo of getting into people`s space outweighed their need to be in someone`s gravity at any opportunity, unfortunately they are getting bolder again......
Grin Grin Apologies but it was DeadHouseBounce comment I found funny. Awkward Blush
ILovesPeanuts · 21/08/2020 00:36

Yanbu - very similar happened to me recently at Thorpe Park. I was stood in a big outdoor space outside a ride watching the DC on it, no one near. And this woman came up and leaned up against my shoulder to take a photo. I said "Do you mind?" Admittedly in a cross way and she said "What??" And glared at me. I said "do I seriously have to explain about distancing".
It was inexplicable - she could have taken a photo from anywhere. Her moron of a husband then joined in asking why I was out if I was bothered and telling me to shut up and I was boring. The woman said if she had a £1 for every time someone had got that close to her that day she'd be rich. I pointed out I hadn't had anyone else do it to me that day so she needed to look at herself.
Utter fools. You can't argue with stupid. It does tarnish the day though. It's just not that hard and whilst I understand people forget, a reminder shouldn't be met with attitude. That said Covid or not, I'd never be pleased to have a stranger leaning on me for no reason!

GameofChess · 21/08/2020 00:44

I should say that the daughter was an adult. A perfectly capable-sounding adult. So no excuse other than she cba to move. And her mother was defensive.

Shedbuilder · 21/08/2020 00:56

I had this in the doctors, someone stood so close to me he was almost breathing down my neck. I asked him to move back and he gave me a lecture on how a healthy young woman like me shouldn't be scared of a virus

A woman of about my own age (late 50s) reached across me and touched me while I was shopping in the local CooP, just as the announcement. came over the tannoy to stay 2 metres apart. 'Did you heard that?' I said. 'You're not two inches away from me, let alone 2 metres.'

She looked me up and down and then as patronisingly as possible said: 'If you're so scared of other people you shouldn't leave the house. You need to get a volunteer to do your shopping.'

Fortunately a nice bloke standing two metres away heard this and said to me sarcastically: 'Well, that's you told, isn't it?' and we laughed at her.

There are bullies and idiots everywhere, some quite well-disguised.

ChavvySexPond · 21/08/2020 00:56

I had a very uncharitable thought that the bum huggers in the queue behind the OP probably gave Covid to her dead mother since it's been months and apparently they still haven't learned how things work now.

(Yes I know. I'm going to hell.)

nexus63 · 21/08/2020 01:00

i have had to say to people about the social distance, i started being polite and would you mind, now i am more upfront about, i stay in an area that has lots of chinese students, i just say excuse me social distancing if i get a blank look then i use my hands in a shooing motion

ParlezVouzWronglais · 21/08/2020 01:01

Some people have no boundaries. I sometimes think people do it like a bravado thing to try and show off that they’re not scared of Covid. I suppose the woman could have still been grieving hence the odd response.

Terrace58 · 21/08/2020 01:02

I had two women standing in a particular shop aisle playing with their phones, exactly where the item I needed was located. I saw them, did other shopping, came back, still there, browsed a bit, came back, still there 20 minutes later so I finally asked them if they could step back so I could get my item. They acted like I was crazy for wanting to socially distance and that they didn’t mind me invading their space . I just told them I was trying to protect myself and they scoffed.

CheetasOnFajitas · 21/08/2020 01:33

@nexus63

i have had to say to people about the social distance, i started being polite and would you mind, now i am more upfront about, i stay in an area that has lots of chinese students, i just say excuse me social distancing if i get a blank look then i use my hands in a shooing motion
Jesus Christ. You “shoo away” Chinese people?
Plussizejumpsuit · 21/08/2020 03:55

Unfortunately this is one of the reasons I'm not doing anywhere near as much as I could be. As the things we can do in public are only safe or as safe as possible when people follow the rules around social distancing and mask wearing etc. I've seen how people are behaving in public and its not great. There's understandably not the people to enforce the rules so it requires us to do it or at least stick to them ourse.

I'm not particularly comfortable with having to ask people to sd. We asked a group of people in the park (who were there for a piss up) and they got aggressive immediately and threatened us. So yes it is a problem.

shamalidacdak · 21/08/2020 04:37

Lol YABU for going to a theme park during a pandemic

CorianderLord · 21/08/2020 05:01

I'd have just told them to stay 2m away or I'll report them to staff for breaking the rules. Shout every time, embarrass them.

Tbf I don't think theme parks should be open but still. Stand your ground.

snitzelvoncrumb · 21/08/2020 05:33

I found some suggestions to deal with on another forum. The best were to fart, or cough in their direction. Then they might be inclined to step back.

Limpshade · 21/08/2020 05:51

A technique I learned years ago during teacher training was to say "thank you" rather than "please" if you were having a difficult conversation. The idea is to bypass unnecessary conversations (and negotiations!) It often worked very well with teenagers, and most likely works equally well with sulky adults too 😂 So:

"I'd like you to move 1 metre away from me - thanks."

"Social distancing rules say we should keep a 1m distance from each other. Thank you."

redcarbluecar · 21/08/2020 06:02

Yanbu to expect distancing and to be annoyed by rude, dismissive responses. If someone asked me to stand further away from them, I just would, but I suppose you are going to get some defensiveness and agree with the title of your OP re a possible new social problem. Responding to a PP though, I’m not sure I’d go as far as ‘shooing’ people away, Chinese or otherwise!
As a side point you haven’t sold Legoland. 1 hour 15 in a queue! That’s dedication. Hope you had a good day with your kids overall.

grey12 · 21/08/2020 06:06

Cough towards them Grin

ThickFast · 21/08/2020 06:23

Yeah it’s really weird when people stand that close. Even before the pandemic. I bloody love socially distanced queues. It seems so much less stressful. But to do it now is just an odd thing to do. I don’t get it at all. I think it is an energy vampire thing like PP said.